


Embers and Ash

by spicerunner535



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Authority Figures Kink, Bondage, Choking, Clothed Sex, Dirty Talk, Dom!Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Force Choking, Hair-pulling, I just want kassanovella to be proud of me, I'm writing these tags while half asleep, Inappropriate Use of the Force, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Naked Female Clothed Male, Oral Sex, Reader-Insert, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, Smut, Spanking, Verbal Humiliation, i did too much research for this, possible daddy kink?, sub!Reader, wrote this at like 4am every night for a week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicerunner535/pseuds/spicerunner535
Summary: You are a rogue living on Kijimi, illegally trading to both sides of the war for a profit. You take a job in the warring and dangerous Grumani sector for a hefty reward, only for your ship to be captured by a First Order battleship. You're taken into custody and questioned by none other than Commander Kylo Ren, who is searching for a priceless ancient artifact that you have unknowingly in your possession.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 19
Kudos: 120





	1. Kijimi City

Your eyes open to complete darkness. There’s a low hum that vibrates in the air around you, settling in your chest as your heart beats loud in your ears. You begin to panic as your feet feel no sure ground beneath them before a dim light illuminates a dark chamber clearing. In the center, is a young woman. Thick cuffs of bloodred metal cut into the flesh of her wrists as she kneels in black dust. Her head hangs low on her chest, hair falling over her shoulders and shrouding her face. Her body is bare, saved for the strange markings that seemingly cover every inch of visible skin. Light footsteps echo in the room around the both of you, its origin indiscernible, until black boots edge the soft ring of light. 

“It seems the dyad was unsuccessful,” A gravelly male voice rattles against the darkness. The woman keeps her head down, unacknowledging to the voice. 

“No matter,” he starts, “the faults of my predecessors were to be anticipated. We’ll commence with the fusion regardless of these setbacks. I-2, run diagnostics.”

“Yes, sir. Vitals are almost normal. Eight to ten hours will guarantee a full recovery.” A robotic female voice echoed inside of the chamber. The cloaked man walked further into the light, eyeing the red chains that held the prisoner. 

“The iron, I-2?”

“Still holding as promised,” the female voice answered. A second set of boots entered the edge of the circle, just behind the man standing before the woman. 

“Very well,” he turns to the figure behind him, stalking back towards the darkness, “I’ve had enough of his games. Find him, and bring him to me. Alive or dead, it makes no difference.” A grunt of acknowledgement before they turn, footsteps leading away from the chained woman. For the first time upon seeing her, she lifts her head towards the darkness, her tresses obscuring her face.

“You liar! We had a deal! Gods help me, when I escape from here I will tear you to pieces, Sidious, limb by limb!” Her voice is hoarse as she screamed, pulling hard against the chains, its red cast brightening as the tension grew between each link. 

“I-2, forgo full recovery. Begin fusing,” the voice calls out before utter silence follows. 

“Fusing protocols have commenced.” Just as the droid finishes, a blood curdling scream leaves the woman’s lips. Her hands brace the ground, black dust coating her palms and fingers as she hunches over. The marks along her skin begin to glow a vivid purple hue. The hum that reverberated deep in your chest grows stronger and as if someone pulled her up, the woman raises, back arched and her face screaming towards the black sky. The violet light grows in her throat and nostrils, blinding rays leaving her mouth. You watch in horror as her body tenses, a strong wind picking up, dark clouds of ash and dust swirling around her. 

Her hair whips around her before uncovering her face, revealing your own howling into the void. 

You spring up in your cot, blaster in your hands and aiming as your chest heaves with choking breaths. A hand wraps around the barrel of the blaster, pointing it away and lowering it.

“Whoa, whoa easy!” Rhodes takes the blaster from you as you blink away sleep from your burning eyes. He places it on the storage cube by the cot and hands you a rag. 

“You’re gonna take someone’s eye out one day.” He chuckles nervously, taking a seat on the edge of the cube. You groan and rub your face and neck with the rag. Despite the cool air of the ship, sweat beads along your hairline and you wipe it away again. Rhodes rubs the back of his neck with his hand, sobering from his usual playful nature. 

“What were you dreaming about? You were shouting in your sleep.” His hazel eyes deepened with worry. You paused, remembering the sounds of your own screams filling your ears, and waved him away.

“How far are we?” You mumble, swinging your legs over the cot, your elbows braced on your thighs. Rhodes rolls his eyes and calls out for VI-60. 

“How far from Kijimi, Vi?” 

“We will arrive shortly. I advise the both of you to make your way to the cockpit for landing.” Her robotic voice is eerily similar to the one in your nightmare, and you try to shake the remnants of it out of your head. Rhodes leaves you to fully wake, climbing up the ladder to the cockpit. You wait for him to disappear before shuddering. You were in no way superstitious, but you couldn’t shake the creeping worry that the dream was important. 

“Hey! Get your ass up here, Kijimi’s in view.” You sighed, picking up your jacket from the floor and shrugging it on. Taking a swig of water in a tin mug on the storage cube, you set it down and start climbing up the steps to the cockpit. Rhodes mumbles a complaint as Vi straps into a seat in the back. You drop into the pilot’s seat, hands waving over controls as you enter the atmosphere of the planet. It’s the evening, cloud cover blocking out the sunset as you descend. 

“Just in time,” You hum, knowing the black markets would open at nightfall. 

“What’re you planning on using the money for?” Rhodes queried, his own hands flipping switches for the landing gear and signals. You chuckled and shook your head, starting to wind down the ship as it touched before a crescent shaped landing. 

“A friend of mine got me a deal on some upgrades for the Byrd if you’re interested,” Rhodes unbuckles himself from the seat, pulling down the vitals sensor as you kill the engines. You unbuckle yourself as well, going to Rhodes and reaching up on the tips of your toes to tousle with the thick brown curls atop his head. 

“No upgrades,” You say, making your way down the ladder to the secondary level, “Vi! Open the ramp!” Vi complies, the ramp lowering and revealing a handful of repair droids and a human mechanic already following suit up the ramp. 

“Kijimi City repair. How long are you docking?” You turn to the mechanic, hand held out to stop him.

“Just here for a refuel. We’ll pay you double not to touch a thing, and to keep her docked here til morning.” The man simply nods and turns his way back down the ramp, the droids following suit. 

“No repairs?” Rhodes asks, carrying a hefty knapsack and a trunk in both hands. You take the knapsack, slinging it across your chest and shoulders as you both make your way down the ramp, and calling out for Vi to watch after the ship.

“We don’t need any repairs, last I checked,” you say simply. Rhodes scoffed. 

“Have you run diagnostics recently?” You nod and Rhodes grumbles an ‘of course you did’ under his breath as you both leave the mechanic’s garage. The streets of Kijimi were lit by lanterns, the nightlife full and bustling as most woke to sell wares and food as vendors for the night traders coming and going from the black market deep within the city. A familiar face or two would wave you and Rhodes over or say hello from the booths, while others would occasionally eye the trunk that Rhodes lugged. Normally the stares from other bounty hunters and traders wouldn’t be enough to bother you, but your dream was still running through your mind as you let it wander, paranoia setting in at every black boot and long cloak you passed. It was then you realized the holster in your jacket was quite empty and that you’d left your blaster on your storage cube back on the ship.

“Fuck,” you cursed quietly beside Rhodes, nonchalantly trying to feel for what weapons you did have. 

“What’s wrong?” Rhodes asked. Damn his unusually gifted sense of hearing. 

“I left my blaster on the ship,” you murmur to him as the cantina doors came into view. 

“What?!” Rhodes exclaimed. You waved at him, shushing him.

“Keep your damn voice down,” you said as calmly as you could, “I still have the blaster in my boot and my knives, so relax.” You square your shoulders as Rhodes tenses. 

"Oh, well that's very reassuring," Rhodes whispers sarcastically next to you. You give him a glare before pushing open the cantina doors. Music fills the air along with the reek of booze and food. You pass through the crowd, ignoring the stares as you hold your head high. You make your way to the bartending droid. 

“Where is he?” You ask promptly.

It whirs for a second before answering, “Back room. He is expecting you, Captain.” You call out a thanks to it before waving over Rhodes, and he follows you through to a door behind the bar. Two large guards stood at either side of the door, each sporting a blaster rifle. You stated your name and business, a hand on your hip as the guard on your right, a reptilian humanoid species went into the room. After a few minutes, he opened the door, gesturing for you both to follow. 

Stepping inside, you saw a desk with a light blue skinned and scantily clad Twi’lek sitting atop it. She scrunched her nose in disgust at the both of you before deciding to take the time to admire her fingernails. A middle aged blonde man seated at the desk clapped his hands once happily, and stood to walk from the desk.

“I knew you wouldn’t disappoint, Captain!” He beamed as Rhodes began punching in the codes to unlock the trunk. 

“Nice to see you again, Talos,” you smirked, unlatching the knapsack to pull out a thick tablet and handing it to him. His deep blue eyes lightened as if you’d just handed a child a brand new toy. 

“Wonderful, just wonderful! Not too difficult for someone of your status to attain, was it?” He turned the tablet on, examining the contents of the illegal Mon Calamari ship designs. You shrugged, taking a seat in a chair in front of the desk while Rhodes opened the trunk, fifteen glass containers of grey powder filling the trunk.

“Excellent work to the both of you,” he shook hands with Rhodes, gawking as he picked up a container of the powder.

“That’s pure ground Iktochi horn. Strong stuff,” Rhodes says as he placed the glass back in its place. The Twi’lek’s eyes widened slightly in horror as she looked over at the trunk, a hand absentmindedly running down her lekkus. 

“Indeed,” Talos chuckled, “I’m guessing your payment is in order.” He lifted his wrist, tapping on the screen the comlink wrapped around it. Your own vibrated against your wrist and you checked it briefly, seeing the numbers fill up the screen. You hummed happily, looking up to see Rhodes' satisfied look as he pulled his sleeve back down.

“I take it we are done here?” Talos asked, placing the tablet on the far edge of the desk, a playful tone hidden in the question. You sit up, elbows braced on your thighs.

“Unless you have another order for us, Talos.” Rhodes cut in cheekily. Talos smiled widely, teeth bright and white. You never understood criminals like him; so clean and cut. You were used to the dingy, backstabbing criminals and bosses like the one in the bar just past the door. While Talos was fun and paid handsomely, there was something unravelled and crazed behind his eyes with every laugh and smile. Something deadly.

“There’s a rumor going around these parts, you know,” he shrugs, leaning back onto his desk, wrapping an arm around the Twi’lek girl. 

“There’s always a rumor running around. It’s good for business,” You smirk. Talos turns his head to you and chuckles.

“Well, this one is probably the best business two rogue traders are going to see for a while,” he paused for effect, “As my favorite and most successful traders, I have a proposition for the both of you. Have any of you ever heard of the planet Sarrassia?” Rhodes shakes his head.

“Doesn’t ring any bells,” he says. 

“Grumani sector. It’s just a mining planet though, isn’t it?” You guess, trying to rack your head for anything else you knew about it.

“Correct, Captain! A mining planet in a heavily guarded, and warring sector, might I add.” Rhodes’ brows furrow.

“What’re you playing at Talos? You want us to get something from there?” 

“Yes, I do,” Talos leaves the desk to go behind it, rummaging through the drawers to pull out a block of crimson metal. “You see,” he starts, eyeing the metal as he walks back to the front of the desk, “Sarrassia has a long and bloody history behind it. Its mines have been coveted by many because of this exquisite metal I have here. Sarrassian iron. Blood red in color, and one of the strongest irons in the known reaches of the galaxy, besides phrik and beskar. It can even withstand the strike of a lightsaber. Extremely rare, and extremely pricy, that is if anyone manages to get it off the planet alive. Just this piece alone is fifty times more expensive than the bounty you brought me today.” Talos hands Rhodes the block, and he examines it before handing it over to you. 

Your stomach dropped as you inspected it. It was barely thicker than your index finger and roughly the size of your hand. Your fingers run down the smooth face, it’s red hue giving off almost an opalescent shine as it reflects against the lights of the room. It was just like the metal chains you'd seen in your dream on the ship. Unbreakable, red glowing chains that clanged loud against the ground as screams ensued. A chill broke out on your skin, and you were thankful your jacket covered most of it. What could all of this possibly mean?

“If it’s so hard to come by, how’d you get that piece?” Rhodes asks. 

“My client gave it as a gift, and for any of my traders that wanted to try their hand in collecting the reward. Mostly as an example seeing as not many people are familiar with this metal. Better to know what you’re dealing with, isn’t it? They're asking for someone to collect a camtono's worth of the metal.” You hand Talos back the block, and stand.

“Deal.” You say. Rhodes nods in agreement. Talos claps his hands once in excitement again.

“Fantastic. I will contact my client to let them know. And as always, Captain, it’s a pleasure doing business with you.” He winks and waves goodbye before returning to the Twi’lek girl now sitting bored at the desk. The guard that let you in opens the door for you and both you and Rhodes walk out. The music of the cantina fills your ears again and you start for the exit.


	2. Bad Omens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your nightmares only serve to create unease in you as both you and Rhodes venture out to the Grumani sector to complete your mission from Talos'. Rhodes' own reservations do not make the situation easy either, and you fear what will be waiting for you at Sarrassia.

“Now will you think about getting upgrades for the ship?” Rhodes pestered, bumping his shoulder against you as you walked down the main streets, the air still lively despite the chilled late night. You adjusted the strap of the knapsack on your shoulder, the smooth feel of the iron’s surface ghosting your fingertips. 

“Do you really think we’ll need upgrades for this mission? We’ve been in war zones before and managed to get in and out with barely a scratch,” you asked absentmindedly, slowing to let your eyes wander along the vendors tables. Rhodes relaxed his pace to match, eyes following yours as you became lost in thought. 

All you could manage to focus on was the occurrence of your dream and the new assignment from Talos. You were unsure of what to make of all of it. Nothing ever happened by coincidence, you knew that much. What awaited you in the Grumani sector left you feeling nervous, anxious even as you contemplated your plans. You wondered if you should tell Rhodes about it, hoping that in doing so he could provide you with answers. Or at least comfort. You hadn’t noticed how lost in thought you became until you ran into Rhodes, your face hitting square in his chest. 

“Are you listening to me?” His hands hold your shoulders and steady you as you push away and apologize. His grip doesn’t cease and he bends down, his eyes locked on yours. 

“Something’s bothering you,” his fingers ran down my arm and squeezed, “Does this have to do with what happened on the ship?” Rhodes brows furrowed with concern as you looked away, afraid he would find doubt in you. You’d known each other for almost ten years, and you knew that all it took was one look from him and the dam where you kept all your thoughts and fears would flood over. 

“It’s probably nothing, Rhodes. No upgrades, we need to finish this as quickly as possible. I don’t want to be in the Grumani sector for too long,” you pry his fingers off you, walking around him as you head back towards the mechanic’s garage that housed your ship. After a few moments, Rhodes huffs in annoyance. He straightened and followed, keeping quiet as he walked beside you, his ever prominent presence both a comfort and a worry for you. 

You make it back to the mechanic’s garage, the mechanic walking up to the both of you. He wiped his hands on an oily rag. Without so much as a glance, you transfer a few extra credits for the trouble, stalking your way back to the ship. Rhodes stops to talk for a moment but soon is heard stomping up the ramp to you.

“How are we on ammunition?” Rhodes asks. You turn away from him, pulling down a diagnostics screen. 

“We’re good on ammunition and fuel. Let’s go,” You say curtly, shedding your jacket and laying it over your cot and grabbing the abandoned blaster, placing it on the holster strapped by your ribcage. Climbing up the ladder to the cockpit, you see Vi sitting in the back passenger seat.

“Vi, we’re clearing for takeoff,” you say softly. The droid stirs, golden beam eyes staring holes into your back as you begin to start the ship’s engines. 

“We are not staying in the city?” She queries. 

“No, we have an assignment from Talos,” Rhodes answers, taking his seat next to you. You don’t regard him, merely running through the protocols for takeoff.

“I sense there is tension between the two of you,” Vi states. 

“There’s no tension, Vi.” 

“My emotional scanners indicate both verbal implications and body language that display tension, and irritation.”

“Well, ask her then. I’m perfectly fine,” Rhodes ticks his head in your direction, pushing in the coordinates for Sarrassia. You can hear Vi’s gears whir from behind you as she turns her head towards you.

“Preparing for hyperspace,” you say, ignoring the both of them. Rhodes scoffs.

“See?”

“Oh yes, she is quite tense,” Vi states. You roll your eyes, bracing yourself as the ship jumps into hyperspace, checking over the engines and internal systems. Rhodes checks through his before unbuckling himself, and Vi. 

“A jump this far will take several hours,” he says softly, “You get some sleep, I’ll take the first shift.” He puts his hand on your shoulder lightly; a white flag. You sighed, sagging in your seat as you watched the blue and white hue of space dance before your eyes. You needed sleep, but you were afraid to be haunted by your dreams. Despite your attempt to rest on the flight back to Kijimi, you felt as if you hadn’t slept in days. A peculiar weariness beared down upon you, and you looked up to Rhodes, his eyes watching you intently.

“Okay,” you murmured, standing before wrapping your arms around Rhodes. His arms immediately covered yours, chin resting at the top of your head. 

“I’m sorry,” you uttered into his shirt. Rhodes sighed softly, pulling you away.

“Get some rest,” he said, settling down in the pilot’s seat. You squeeze his shoulder before starting down the ladder.

“You coming, Vi?” You ask.

“I will remain up here for now,” she answers back. You shrug and make your way back down to your cot, pushing your jacket to the edge and lying on your side, facing the pilot ladder. Your eyes began to feel heavy as you rested your head, and despite your resolve to fight sleep as much as possible, you were drifting off into deep sleep. It seemed like your eyes had only been closed for seconds before Vi’s metal hand rested on your shoulder, her soft voice waking you.

“We are heading into hostile territory.” She warns. You sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, before realizing what she meant.

“Wait, we’re there already? You let me sleep for that long?” You rushed, sliding on your jacket, and checking for all your weapons. On one hand, you were glad that you’d had no nightmares, hoping that now you could really chalk all of this up to coincidence, but the silence of your dreams made the uncertainty of this mission more ominous.

“Master Rhodes requested I leave you to rest for the duration for the trip,” she insisted. You groan in frustration, combing through your hair hastily before plaiting it. 

“Master Rhodes can kiss my ass,” you grumbled, starting up the ladder to the cockpit. Rhodes was preparing the ship for the jump out of hyperspace when you made it up, taking a seat in the copilot chair. 

“We’re approaching the Grumani sector, sensors are picking up multiple ships along the Sarrassian system. They could be First Order, or the system’s own militia. Scanners haven’t gone through the frequencies yet.”

“What happened to taking shifts?” You asked, strapping yourself in and recalibrating the ship frequencies. 

“You needed the sleep, and I had everything handled,” Rhodes answers, “Prepare the proper defense mechanisms in case we need to shoot our way in.” 

“I didn’t need to sleep that long, Rhodes,” you charged up the deflector shield in the ship’s defenses, and checked through the firing barrels. The ship stopped abruptly, jumping out of hyperspace and entering into the star system. Your jaw dropped as the black surfaced planet loomed before you, and dozens of ships battled in the open space. You spotted both First Order and Alliance insignias on the battleships as they hovered over the planet’s atmosphere. Talos was right; it was a warzone. 

“We’ll have to talk about it later, get to the firing pit!” Rhodes yelled, and you rushed down the ladder, jumping off from the last few rungs before turning into a small corridor that led to a small control panel and a seat. You strapped in just as the ship tilted dangerously, the horizon turning sideways before you as you pushed on a headset and grabbed the firing handles. 

“We need to attract the least amount of attention from either side, they’ve probably already detected the ship from the jump. Defensive maneuvers only, you hear me?” Rhodes directed into the headset. 

“Got it. We need to find the mining station, Rhodes. Have you pinpointed the radio frequencies coming off the planet?” You spoke into the mouthpiece as you watched the battle from afar, explosions and cannon fire lighting up the darkness of space. 

“There’s too many radio frequencies from all the ships in the air. I’m having Vi do a more extensive search but for now, our best bet will have to be flying around to get to the surface. There’s no way we’ll handle firepower like that just by flying through.” With his response, the ship tottered again veering to the far left as Rhodes tried to trace around the perimeters of the battle. It wasn’t long before fighter ships off the edge began to catch wind of our ship as we rounded. The ship shuddered as bright green firing blasters shot after us, the wail of their engines loud as they began to tail us.

“We’ve got three First Order fighters after us, now’s the time!” Rhodes shouted, and your seat rotated as you aimed the ship’s blasters. The target screen in front of you locked onto the first ship and you pushed the buttons, releasing a deluge of blasts towards the fighters. After a few seconds, the closest one bursts into flames and erupts in an explosion, debris showering over the stars. The two following fighters dodged around the refuse, firing profusely as the ship navigated through the battlefield.

“Any updates on your end?” You asked, your seat swiveling around the firing pit to deepen the angle as you fired upon the second fighter. You didn’t even take the time to watch the explosion, the red tinge of fire and fuel in your peripheral vision was enough indication to know that you’d rid yourselves of one more fighter. The ship’s structure moaned as it somersaulted through space, narrowing avoiding the wreckage of an Alliance X-wing fighter. 

“There’s a mining facility away from the battle that we’re going to reroute to. Vi’s picking up traces of the iron underneath the surface. Hang in tight, we might need you if any stragglers decide to follow us to the station.” You loosened a breath, not realizing you’d been holding it. It was a relief to know that the base had been found and you could get out of the air. You kept lookout for the next few minutes as you watched the battle become smaller and smaller, the blasts and explosions merely white-orange specks in your view. 

“Beginning descent, we don’t know what defenses the facility is going to have so keep your guard up and the cannons charged. Guess we could have used some upgrades after all,” Rhodes teases, and you scoff at his remark as you watch the dark surface of the planet glow with a dark luminescent red tinge that as the ship entered through its atmosphere. Ominous dark clouds fogged the glass of the window and your hands tightened on the handles, ready to fire at a moment’s notice. Rhodes voice cut into your headset, startling you as you’d become used to the deathly quiet of the planet. 

“Weapons down, the facility is abandoned,” he states, and you let go of the handles, ripping off the headset before unstrapping yourself and climbing up to the cockpit. You strap into the copilot seat just as you both break the cloud cover, exposing Sarrassia’s true surface. Your brows furrow as you survey the rock and ash of the ground, mountainous terrain off into the distance. Ruins of watch towers and hangers litter the ground before you and Rhodes begins the descent into an abandoned landing pad. 

“What happened here?” You question, an uneasy feeling building in the depths of your stomach.

“According to my data drives, this planet has been dead for quite some time.” You head swivels to Vi as she speaks from the back seat, Rhodes landing the ship onto a crumbled pad, the ship jostling with the effort. 

“Dead? What do you mean dead?” You question. Vi’s inner gears whir for a few moments before answering.

“The planet hasn’t been able to sustain life for some millenia. Mining on this planet has ceased the past couple years due to the increased militarization of the First Order.”

“If it couldn’t sustain life how did people mine here? How did they live?”

“The atmosphere is similarly constructed to that of Kijimi, however, the minerals of the iron in the earth have made it impossible for organic life to sustain itself. People made settlements on the planet, utilizing this cargo station to send goods such as food and water to the miners working here.” 

“Is there anyone still here, Vi?” Rhodes asks, killing the engines and checking over damages from the fighters. 

“No, my sensors aren’t picking up any indication of organic life from or on the planet’s surface. There is only us.” 

“No droid frequencies either?”

“None. All droid frequencies have been shut down or destroyed. This settlement is merely abandoned.” A chill went down your spine, the silence you encountered upon first arriving suddenly making more sense to you. You stand and turn to Rhodes. 

“Well then, let’s get what we came for and get the hell out of here.”

“Now that,” Rhodes stretches, “is something I can agree with,” he says, unstrapping himself and patting Vi’s shoulder plate. 

“Stay here, Vi. Check for repairs, and watch over the ship. There’s a blaster in the console cabinet.” She nods once, shuffling to the control panel to run a diagnostics check. You follow Rhodes down the ladder, hopping down and flipping open a chest for extra ammunition. While Vi’s sensors are rarely ever wrong, that uneasy pit in your stomach left you feeling less than prepared. You stuffed blaster magazines into the inner pockets of your jacket as Rhodes picked up a camtono for the iron. 

“Ready?” He asks, looking at you with concern as his hand raises to open the ramp. You nod, and he presses down, the ramp opening up. A warm breeze bursts into the ship, carrying dust and small debris as you both make your way down. The dust causes your eyes to water, and you use one hand to pull the neck of your shirt over your nose, while the other pulls out your blaster. It whines as you cock it, and Rhodes coughs beside you. 

“Well this is a great start,” he mutters into his own shirt as you both start for the open hangar leading into the abandoned facility. You start jogging to the edge of the hangar, hoping it would protect you from the sand and dust. You wipe your eyes and cough as you make it under the awning, turning to watch dark clouds swirl along the dirt brown and orange sky. 

“It’s like fire smoke, isn’t it?” Rhodes asks absentmindedly, eyes following yours. 

“It’s like the planet’s on fire,” you gestured to the dead planet of dark sand around you, “and all of this...is the ashes.” Rhodes hums softly in agreement, turning to find a doorway in the hangar that would lead into the facility. After a few minutes you find elevator doors.

“Rhodes,” you call out, “there’s an elevator. If it goes down we can get into the mines from here.” Rhodes pulls out a circuit key, pressing into an opening by the elevator shuttle button. It whirs and spins as it unlocks the door, a dim light breaking out over us as the elevator activates. The doors open swiftly, a pneumatic hiss and steam coming from the sides. 

“After you,” you joke softly, watching as Rhodes tested the floors of the shuttle. He reaches out for your hand and you swat it away as he chuckles, stepping into the elevator shuttle with him. He presses the circuit key into another outlet, letting it work the controls to take us down to the sublayer levels. The elevator moans as the line moves, the floor beneath us rumbling as it begins to lower us. You stay quiet as Rhodes works, the pressure in your ears popping as you descend into the mines. The stop is abrupt, the jolt of it sending sparks up your legs into your knees. Rhodes sticks the circuit key back into his belt just as the door opens, a man in a dark cloak standing before the doors.

“Shit!” Rhodes yells, and you’ve got your blaster aimed in less than a second, your heart dropping down into the sea of unease that lapped against the bottom of your stomach. The man smiled, the gesture not reaching his eyes as he kept his hands in the sleeves of the cloak. The majority of his face was hidden by his hood and the shade of the chamber.

“Welcome to the Port, you’ve reached the mining level.” Both you and Rhodes remained still as he whirled around in one move, walking away from the elevator doors. He pivoted back towards the both of you, smiling once again.

“If you’re here for the iron, you’ll have to follow me,” his voice echoes in the chamber of the mine, lanterns set up to light the shafts. The both of you keep the blasters aimed but begin to step out of the elevator, boots crunching over the gravel of the mining chamber. He turns back, lanterns lighting as he walks deeper into the mines.

“Blasters won’t be needed. We’re the only ones down here, and I am merely a hologram.” 

“How do we know that for sure?” Rhodes asks warily.

“You’re welcome to shoot me and find out,” the man said curtly. You lowered your blaster slightly, keeping it cocked and in front of you as you both continued down even further. 

“Who are you?” You question as the path leads to a large chamber, the ceilings higher than the one by the elevator. Large crimson doors, molded and sculpted Sarrassian iron loomed before all of you as lanterns lit up the chamber’s foyer. 

“Daiman.” He said simply, his hand waving over the doors, bright glowering symbols singed on the doors before disappearing as they slowly swung open. You both followed him inside, the entire room lighting itself with small sconces and lanterns. Stalactites hung on the ceiling, the dark soil tinged with that familiar red hue. You both walked down a walkway lined with lanterns, large basins of red rock glowing behind them. 

“You may fill the container with the iron from the basins. Sarrasian iron, mined straight from these very walls,” Daiman announced, his voice bouncing off the walls of the room. Rhodes hesitated for a moment before going to the basins with the camtono, beginning to examine and collect the iron. Daiman walked towards you, that ever present cold smile like liquid ice seeping deep into the marrow of your bones. 

“What do you know of this planet’s most precious mineral?” He asked you softly. Your hand tightened around the blaster but you took a deep breath to calm yourself. 

“Just what we need to know. That’s all,” you respond coldly. Daiman chuckles softly, turning towards a dais that lay at the other end of the lit pathway. 

“There is much more to this planet than stolen riches and a never-ending battlefield,” He says, his voice carried away as he made his way to it. You couldn’t help but follow, curiosity getting the better of you despite your instincts to stay close to Rhodes. You reach the steps of the dais, seeing a tall pedestal with a shining crimson book. 

“Millenia of secrets lay here, dormant in these mines as the world forgets our ancient ways,” Daiman steps behind the pedestal, hands ghosting the rim of the book. His gaze softened as he took in the book, fingertips gracing the edges longingly. 

“What is that?” You push. Daiman looks up, his smile returning. 

“A turning tide for the war. A means of destruction. Or...a means of peace.” He steps aside as you come closer, the symbols of the cover all too familiar. Your brows furrow as you study the cover, hands itching to touch the metal cover’s smooth reflective surface. 

“I’ve seen these symbols before,” you utter softly. 

“It is one thing to see the symbols, and another to understand them,” Daiman ruses, “do you know what they mean?” 

“No,” you shake your head. 

“Are you sure?” Your throat thickens at Daiman’s question, a small sudden fear that he could be right brewing in your thoughts. What if you opened the book? What if you did know what it meant? What if your dreams could be answered? 

“Wait,” you say, mostly to pause your dangerous line of thought, “we don’t need this. Rhodes and I have no true stake in this war. We have what we came for.” You see Rhodes beginning to walk from between the lanterns. You turn to leave the dais when Daiman appears right in front of you, his smile like a predator’s bared teeth.

“Take it,” he pushed, “it collects dust in these chambers. Surely thieves like you can find good use of it. Perhaps selling it to the highest bidder.” Your ears pricked up at the thought of bringing back another item for Talos; it would mean even more money for you and Rhodes. You grit your teeth and grab the book at the last second, its ice cold touch biting into your fingers as you shoved it into an inner pocket of your jacket. It clanged once against the extra magazines, and you adjusted your jacket back, before going down the dais steps and making your way to Rhodes as he locked up the camtono of iron. 

“Ready?” He asked, keeping a wary eye on Daiman. 

“I shall lead the both of you back to the surface elevator.” You let him walk ahead of you, tugging on Rhodes to stay a distance away with you.

“I have something to tell you,” you whisper. 

“It’ll have to wait til we’re on the ship,” Rhodes whispers back, eyes still locked on Daiman, “there’s something about him that doesn’t sit right with me.” He lifted his blaster up an inch, and you followed suit, keeping your eyes on Daiman’s back until you made it back to the elevator shuttle. 

“What wonderful company you have been,” Daiman teases sardonically, “such sorrow to part. I never get visitors anymore.” He smiled again, a golden eye peeking out through his hood. Your blood turned cold at the sight of it, wondering why a strange sense of deja vu hit you. Rhodes backed the both of you into the shuttle before closing the doors. He sagged slightly, a deep breath leaving his chest. 

“That was nerve wracking to say the least,” he said, brows furrowed. You hummed in agreement as the shuttle lifted the two of you back to the surface level. Both of you kept silent until Vi’s voice echoed on your comlink. 

“I’m detecting frequencies of First Order ships entering the planet’s atmosphere. They might be checking the planet for any Alliance survivors. I advise a quick and quiet ascent in less than two minutes.” Both your eyes and Rhodes’ widen and he takes out the circuit key, hoping to quicken the process of the elevator. After a few seconds, the doors open to the empty hangar, and you both leave. You sprint out, dust and tears burning your eyes. You wipe it all away angrily as you run, the roar of fighter engines loud in your ears. 

“I don’t see them, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t found us yet!” Rhodes yells over the wind and engines. The ramp lowers and you both make it to the ship, running up and climbing to the firing pit. 

“Vi, get us the hell out of here!” Rhodes shouts, climbing up the cockpit ladder. The ship lurches, and you hear him slip on the rung and curse Vi before making it up to the pilots seat. Just as the ship is beginning to glide into the cloud cover, First Order fighters begin firing after you. You slip the headset on, grabbing the handles and shooting at the closest target. 

“We need to stay in the cloud cover, we don’t know what’s past it. There could be more First Order battleships,” you shout through the headset, groaning as the ship somersaults along the cloud line. 

“No,” Rhodes argues, “if we can make out into space we’ll have enough fuel to make the jump back to Kijimi. We can’t waste it down here,” You roar in frustration, shooting a hidden fighter tailing you to bits. 

“No, Rhodes! We’ll never make it that far.” You can feel the ship beginning to ascend out of the atmosphere, and you grab the speaker of the headset. 

“Rhodes! What in the gods’ name are you doing? Get back down! We won’t make it!” You’re cut off as a powerful blast hits the side of the ship. You hear Vi’s report of a weakened defense shield. You go back to the handles, firing at any ship that crosses over your view. The ship swerves as another blast from a battleship shoots past you. Your jaw drops as you see the dozens of First Order battleships aimed towards the planet--towards you. They’d made a blockade. Rhodes murmurs your name despairingly into the headset.

“We have to surrender.” You say in defeat, scanning the number of ships that lined before you. 

“No, I’m not letting them get us. We’ve been through worse and gotten out. At this distance, we can make the jump.” Rhodes answers. 

“This isn’t like those times. Look up there, we don’t have the upper hand. They’ll take our ship, or worse, blow us into space.”

“Then I’m going to have to buy us time, aren’t I?” The headset cuts off.

You cry out in frustration, ripping off the headset and leaving the firing pit to make your way to the cockpit. You see Vi frantically trying to repair the ship’s defense systems while Rhodes keeps the ship hovering between space and the planet’s outer atmosphere. 

“Vi, prepare a pod, I’m going out to save you some time.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You argue, a blaster in your hand. The book in your jacket was hot from your body heat, sweat gathering along your hairline. Rhodes turns at the sound of your voice.

“Getting you back to Kijimi, sit down and strap in.” He stands, beginning to prep the ship for hyperspace. 

“They’ll catch that we’re making the jump and shoot us before the ship’s ready! And what in the gods’ name are you going to do with the escape pods?”

“Creating a diversion!” Rhodes says, gripping your shoulders. His hazel eyes searched yours and your heart sank as you realized he was going to sacrifice himself. 

“If we go down, we go down together,” you argue. 

“No, not this time,” Rhodes hugs you tightly before leaving to go down the ladder. Your hands shook with anger and you looked back between Rhodes, Vi, and the horde of battleships. Red tinged the edge of your vision and in an instant, the butt of your blaster smacks over the back of Rhodes head, and he tumbles over the back passenger seat. You strap him in quickly, his head lolling to the side. 

“Vi,” your voice shakes as you turn to her, “take the controls and get the iron and the ship to Kijimi. I’m taking the pod as a diversion. Tell Rhodes...I'll find a way back to you. Now go!” She started and made her way to the copilot’s seat, working the controls as you jumped down from the cockpit and rushed through another corridor to the escape pods. Sliding yourself in feet first, you start it, closing the hatch and ejecting yourself from the ship just as it jumped into hyperspace. Green blasts missed you by a hair, the cannons began recalibrating. 

You felt a burning in your chest and gasped in pain, frantically opening up the flap of your jacket to reveal steam and smoke coming from the book. You pressed the control panel to jettison the pod away from the battleships’ guns before reaching into your jacket to try and pry it off as it burned your skin. 

“Fuck!” You screamed as searing pain filled your chest, and you pulled away the book to find scorched markings from the book on your chest where you’d lifted it. The book scalded your fingers before brittling and settling into dust on your fingertips. You sucked in a breath as the number of symbols began to grow, burning sensations riddling up and down your body. It was the most excruciating pain you’d ever experienced as you twisted in the small space of the pod, the acrid smell of blistering skin buried deep in your nose. 

Your screams were cut off as a tractor beam from one of the battleships stopped your pod in its tracks, and your head bounced against the steel walls of it, beginning to render you unconscious. With each blink you saw less and less; darkness seeped in as your pod slid against the floor of the hangar, white shining boots of storm troopers surrounded the pod, and shouts filled your ringing ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Chapter 2 is finally up and I hope you all continue to enjoy this story! For those of you wondering where Kylo Ren is in this story, just know there will be a lot more of him coming in the rest of the chapters :)


	3. No Position to Negotiate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your pod has been seized by First Order, and you awake imprisoned. You plan on trying negotiate your freedom and the safety of your friends. You hear rumors that the monstrous Commander Kylo Ren is aboard the ship and pray to the gods that it has nothing to do with your capture. But it seems the book Daiman gave you is even more important to the Commander of the First Order than he let on.

The pneumatic hiss of the door caused you to stir, pressure in your head causing your temples to ache. You could hear the clack of hard boots on the ground and the clatter of a tray on metal. The door hissed open and closed, the room silent again. Your mouth watered as the aroma of cooked food filled your nostrils and your eyes cracked open to see a tray of steaming food. Sitting up slowly, you realized your hands were cuffed but not held together. Thick metal bands wrapped around your wrists and you knew that at the press of the button, the magnets in the cuffs would cause your hands to meet. However, it seemed the magnet was turned off. You shrugged, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand and trying to smooth down your hair as you sat up. You felt dried blood flake under your fingers, a sharp pain when you brushed against it. Wincing, you tried to rub the dried blood from the side of your face. 

There was a table with two chairs in the center of the room made of shining metal, the same material as the ceiling, and walls. Everything was a dark chrome hue, except for the floor, that shined like obsidian. Your joints cracked as you swung your legs over off the ledge you slept on, the hard metal biting into your skin before you stood to walk to the table. 

You saw a tray of runny eggs and toast and a metal spoon on the table and stood over it, not wanting to sit if someone else came in. Your hands grasped the spoon, scooping the eggs and holding it under your nose. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and you swallowed thickly as you put the spoon back on the tray, pushing it away and walking back to the metal ledge you’d slept on. You couldn't remember the last time you'd eaten. How long had you been unconscious anyway? As much as it pained you to waste it, you were taking no chances. Surely, the First Order knew you weren’t a part of the Alliance by now but in their eyes you were either with them or against them. There were no grey areas. 

The doors hissed open and you quickly reached for your holster instinctively, only to grip at empty air. An admiral stepped in, sporting a grey uniform that nearly blended into the dark chrome walls. He tapped on the screen of the pad he carried, and the magnet on the cuffs hummed, your wrists snapping together in front of you. He stepped in until he stood before you on the other side of the table. From this distance, you could see a silver pin on his shoulder that held his name. Clovis. Admiral Clovis looked down at the now cold tray of food. 

“Not hungry, I take it?” He sneered. 

“What do you want from me?” You snarled, fists clenching in the cuffs. He chuckled, taking a seat at the table. 

“It’s always a pleasure to see our hospitality is wasted on rebel scum—“

“I’m no rebel!” You raised your voice, quickly dispelling his notion. 

“Rebel or not, you do not serve the First Order. You would know better than anyone that that makes you an enemy.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes. 

“Then why not kill me? These battleships don’t take prisoners.” Clovis placed the pad flat on the table, clasping his hands together on top of it. 

“Oh, we take prisoners. However, most of the time we like to make examples of our strength as an empire. Occasionally we will give our prisoners new purpose in the mines across the galaxy, to show our mercy. But we usually keep prisoners if they have something to gain. Or if they have something that belongs to the First Order.” You paused, thinking of the book that Daiman had urged you to take on Sarrassia. Why was the First Order this far out of the Inner Rim anyways? Did they know about the iron? About the book? You shook your head, your gaze like daggers on Clovis. 

“I don’t have anything of yours. I work in trade. We were just passing by, and stopped on the planet to make repairs. The blockade stopped us. Last time I checked, trade isn’t illegal, Admiral.” You spit the title out, rage simmering in your blood. 

“Oh yes, we’re quite familiar with your line of ‘trade’. Illegal black market materials you sell to the highest bidder. You make quite a high salary from it, don’t you? For someone that regularly operates in and out of Outer and Middle rim systems, your occupation on the mines and your failed attempt of an escape off Sarrassia tell us that you weren’t just there for repairs, Captain,” he said your full name and your heart sank. If they managed to find you this easily, what would that mean for Rhodes and Vi? They could find them and imprison them, or worse. 

You cursed softly as Clovis chuckled again. It made the scalding fury bubble in your veins, your cheeks reddening from the fire building inside of you. You hated the sound; you wanted to punch the smug grin off his face with your metal cuffs. He wouldn’t grin like that with his nose and teeth caved in, you thought. What you wouldn’t give to see his blood drip onto the—you stopped your line of thought, beginning to feel horrified at the intensity of your anger. What had gotten into you? You tried to rationalize the sudden wildfire that was your emotions. You’d hit your head pretty hard; you were under an understandable amount of stress. Yes, that’s what it was, you assured yourself. You hadn’t even realized that Clovis had spoken again. 

“Silence won’t grant your freedom, Captain.” He stated, slightly frustrated that you’d been so quiet, caught in your thoughts. Your eyes narrowed at Clovis. 

“Freedom?” You questioned. He sat up, watery grey eyes scanning you coldly. 

“You’ll be granted freedom if you cooperate with what we ask of you.” Freedom? Cooperate? You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. They’d let you go. You could get back to Kijimi, find Rhodes. If they haven’t already captured him and Vi as well. You thought of all the records Vi kept, hard drives of illegal ship and weapon designs you’d been planning to sell. Their capture could cause you to lose everything. You had to ensure they’d be kept out of this as well. If you could even trust Clovis and the First Order to keep their word and not kill you once they had everything they wanted from you. 

“I want more to be guaranteed than just my freedom,” you said steadily. You silently prayed to the gods, desperate to save yourself and your friends from a horrible fate. 

“You’re not in a position to negotiate.” Clovis huffed. You let out a loose breath through your nose, wanting to bang the stupid black metal cuffs on the table in frustration. 

“Then we have nothing else to discuss.” You stood completely still as you spoke, wearing a blank facade to cover the rising panic that set out to betray you. You ticked down the seconds in your head, waiting for Clovis to change his mind so you could negotiate the safety of Rhodes and Vi, but he merely smiled, his eyes small and shrewd like a rodent’s as he took you in. Your fists curled even tighter, jaw clenched as he stood. 

“I suppose we don’t. But one way or another, we will get what we want from you. Regardless of your cooperation.” He pushed the chair in, a horrid screech echoing along the walls of the room as it slid against the ground, nearly causing you to flinch. As he leaves, you hear his comlink come live, a small male voice speaking urgently to him as the doors hissed open. 

“Landing bay....Commander Ren.....an audience with you...” The doors shut and your blood ran cold. Commander Ren? Kylo Ren? He was here? Your head racked through the sheer number of battleships across the galaxy that belonged to the First Order and why out of the hundreds in command that he just had to be at the one you were imprisoned in. The odds were...astronomical. Unless perhaps, he was here for you. The uneasy panic from Sarrassia buried itself deep into your bones as you sat on the metal ledge. 

Kylo Ren was a murderer. A monster. He could take whatever he wanted using old ancient ways of malicious warfare; Sith warfare. Rumors about his lineage and his abilities swarmed your thoughts; a descendant of the great Darth Vader, a jedi killer, a merciless warrior and attack dog of the Supreme Leader. You hoped that most of what you’d heard were just tall tales from the market to scare you. Surely, he wasn’t here to interrogate you. You couldn’t possibly have anything that he wanted. 

You choked on your breath as you remembered the book again. Or more importantly, the lack thereof. Your hands shakily hooked around the neck of your dirtied white shirt and you pulled it back, peering down into it. You cried out as you found charred black brands over your once smooth skin, burned symbols from the book spread over from your collar, curling around your chest down to your abdomen. That was all as far as you could tell at least. However, you remembered the way the pain traveled through every part of your body and had a feeling that the rest of you seemed to suffer the same fate. You put your shirt back as it was, hands pressed against your heart. 

Technically, you don’t have the book. If you could just convince the Commander that you didn’t have the book—if that was even what he was looking for, then maybe he would let you go. Maybe you’d have enough time to find Rhodes. You both could sell all you had minus the ship and Vi and find a nice small unpoliced corner of the galaxy to stay and lay low. After this job, and everything else you’d hoarded, you’d both surely have enough to live off of for years. It seemed nearly doable until the reality of your situation hit you. You nearly sobbed, your hand covering your mouth as your eyes watered.

There was no way you’d leave this place alive. With no ship, you’d never make it off. Not to mention, you doubted that Kylo Ren would just let you go. They would kill you regardless if you did or didn’t have what they wanted. You were torn. 

Even if you could manage to negotiate your life, freedom and that of your friends, you knew you’d have to give up the knowledge of the book. How you planned to do that as it was forever branded on your skin was a luxury you couldn’t even afford to think about. Yet, if you didn’t, you were surely signing a death sentence for yourself. For Rhodes. Daiman said that it could be a means of destruction. Surely he meant that in the wrong hands it could be used for evil, or for death. The end of freedom. You weren’t sure if you wanted to be responsible for the turning tide in the war. For annihilation and destruction that would surely eradicate any and all rebellions in the galaxy. 

Your head began to pound as you thought over every detail, every thought, every fear and hope that crossed your mind. Maybe you were just getting ahead of yourself. You were probably getting upset over nothing. Kylo Ren might not even be here to see you. He could just be here for a routine walkabout on the ship. Just checking on the battle that had raged on before. Possibly just checking on how many ships they’ve lost, how many troopers have—

The doors whined as they opened, an enormously tall figure clothed in thick black robes standing in front, facing straight towards you. The regulator of Kylo Ren’s mask hissed as he breathed in and out, the countenance of silver and black face giving nothing but cold and dangerous indifference. Your body froze, and you were unsure if it was from the sheer terror or the rumors of Kylo Ren’s abilities at work. 

“No,” you whispered to yourself in despair. 

“You have something that belongs to me, Captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! What an ending, huh? I hope you're all enjoying the story and the next chapter will be up by next Friday of course ;)


	4. Small Mercies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your worst fears have been confirmed as you're face to face with the infamous Kylo Ren. You fear for your life as he decides to lead your interrogation, leaving very small room for negotiation. However, it seems maybe the gods have granted you some luck, and you use it--perhaps too many times.

Your skin paled as the hard step of his boots echoed off the ground, a stormtrooper rushing in to take the tray of long forgotten food and jogging out, the doors closing in a flash behind him. The magnets in your cuffs loosened, your wrists yanking away from each other. You supposed there was no need to restrain you considering who was in the room with you. Kylo stopped before the table, hands relaxed at his sides, his breath an audible whir through the helmet’s regulator. 

“Sit down,” he commanded. A part of you immediately wanted to sit at the seat across from him; maybe your compliance would win you leeway with the fearsome commander and you could walk away from here in one piece. However, the rage that was an ever flowing presence under your skin begged to differ. It wanted you to stand with your head held high; it did not want you to kneel to his whims. Without thinking, you listened to it.

“I’d rather stand.” You said carefully, eyes keeping a strong gaze upon the face of the mask. A heavy silence laid itself between the two of you, creating a thickness in the air that you were sure you could feel. 

“Whether you sit or stand makes no difference to me,” Kylo noted, a hint of agitation laced his words. You winced internally. This might not have been the smartest move. 

“You’re here under interrogation, for treason against the First Order.” 

“Treason?” You were taken aback. “I haven’t done anything! I already told the last idiot in a suit that I deal in trade, and that’s all.” You huffed, breath heavy as you were quick to defend yourself. Kylo chuckled.

“Trade? Is that so?” He mused darkly. 

“Yes.” You bit your tongue, lest you say something worse.

“How does a trader off the slums of Kijimi come into such business?” His head cocked slightly, breaths utterly silent through the helmet. Your heart skipped a beat, and you feared that Kylo would be able to hear it. You could remember the tales of an old refugee merchant that Rhodes and you would frequent for free hot meals; he told stories about Darth Vader’s heavy robotic breaths that haunted him to this day. Despite the slight resemblance, you ultimately felt that Commander Kylo Ren was nothing like him. Not the same monster in different skin, but something of its own altogether. Cruel, merciless, and callous, but a different sort of enforcer than what you heard in stories. 

You knew better than to test his patience, but as you weren’t held in the magnet cuffs, maybe you had a sporting chance to overpower him and escape. You scoffed mentally, and wondered how the truly idiotic thought like that managed to manifest itself. It was a time for smarts, for negotiation. If you did have what they wanted, maybe you could get something out of this. Kylo’s attitude considered, of course. 

“I believe I asked you a question, Captain.” Ren was growing impatient.

“I just trade what they tell me to,” you said, dancing around the subject. If the Commander wanted the truth he could just take it from you. Why was he wasting his time asking for the answers? Wasn’t he some sort of mindreader?

“I could just take the truth from you,” he starts, “by force that is. If compliance to the questions proves too difficult for a simple trader then I will resort to...alternative methods. One you won’t like,” Kylo Ren raised his arm, palm open and his fingers stretching towards you. You panicked and flinched.

“Wait!” You cried out, arms raised as a shield over you. It was too late, the cords of your throat began to tighten and you choked on air as you breathed. Your hands went to your throat, desperately scratching at your skin as invisible hands cut off your blood flow. Falling to your knees, you clawed at the ground, convulsing as you tried to get the words out. This was the Kylo Ren you’d heard about. You doubted that negotiation was a possibility as dark spots glittered in your vision. 

“S...sa….r….a...ss….s--” You were cut off by your own gag as the hold tightened once more before releasing you completely. Your throat burned as you coughed, the black splotches lining your vision beginning to blur back into color. Tears streamed down your face, and you blinked hard, unable to stop them.

“What about it?” Kylo snapped impatiently. You battled with yourself, contemplating telling the truth, or at least part of it. If you could dance around a few details without giving away Rhodes and Vi and Talos, you could save them in the process. Talos was just as much of a cold blooded killer as Kylo Ren but there was no way you’d rat him out. Years of business and loyalty and the entirety of Hutt Space would be worth your silence. Your lips curled in disgust as you gazed at the floor but you willed your face into painful neutrality as you went to stand and face Kylo Ren.

“I trade illegal black market items. Sarrassian iron, was the latest,” you said, voice ragged. Kylo was silent, a quiet notion for you to continue.

“There’s a man I know,” you cough, “he pays extremely well for traders to get these...items. Well, the clients pay well. A client asked for traders to pick up the iron off of Sarrassia. But it was a fucking warzone out there. No one would take the job. As much as people like getting paid, people also would rather live. I knew just enough of the Grumani sector to fly in safely and I was cocky anyways, so I took the job. The client wanted a camtono of it so I stopped on the planet to take it from the mines. I was told it was a war zone but I figured it was internal--between the system, not that there’d be a raging battle between the Alliance and the damn First Order--”

“Watch your tone, Captain.” Kylo warned.

“I made it down into the mines and was setting off to fly out. Next thing I know, there’s a blockade waiting for me. So I set my ship out and created a diversion with the pod. And now I’m here,” you brace yourself against a wall as Kylo takes a few steps towards you, hands clenching and unclenching in the leather gloves.

“How did you come to know about the iron?” He questioned. You scoff and shake your head.

“Why is that important?”

“Just tell me.”

“Like I said, a man that I trade with told me.” You repeated. Kylo shook his head, turning around and pacing.

“Not many people know of Sarassia and its gold mine of iron. It’s owned by the Siths. For creating weaponry. Who is the man?” He turned back to you, coming even closer so that his large frame towered over yours. Your heart beat nearly out of your chest as you tried to rack your head for some sort of acceptable answer. The usual liquid rage bubbled down into sludge in your veins. No liquid courage here. You needed to lie. 

“I...I don’t know.” You said softly. Kylo’s head cocked to the side.

“You don’t know?” He asked incredulously through the helmet’s regulator.

“I don’t ask for names! J-just payment,” you stuttered, “And it’s not like anyone really gives you their real name in this business anyways!” You tangented as Kylo Ren leaned in even closer to you, close enough that you could hear the heavy breaths under the mask. You wondered if this was more terrifying than hearing the roar of Vader’s rasps through his helmet. 

“Vader? What do you know of my grandfather?” Kylo’s head cocked to the side slightly, taken aback by what he must’ve heard in your thoughts. 

“Just stories I hear from merchants,” you breathed, your voice barely over a whisper.

“You know that the Siths on Sarassia perform and practice alchemy, don’t you?” He whispered. Chills ran down your spine and while you were keen on keeping up with the guile and lies, you actually didn't really know anything about the planet. Other than what Talos had told you of course.

“No.”

“Did you know that my grandfather, Darth Vader, was pieced back together by Sith alchemists? That he was fused with the dark side of the Force to make him great, to make him stronger?” You shook your head. You’d heard no stories like this, only the second and third hand testimonials of his cruel nature, and the genocide he committed against the Jedi Order. Decades of old history, and you often wondered if any of it was true.

“Oh, it’s true,” Kylo murmured through the mask, “it’s been quite difficult to get our hands on Sarrassian Iron seeing as the keepers of the planet are so keen on keeping it to themselves. So I will ask you again, Captain, how you managed to come into such business with the Siths?” His gloved hand lifted to wrap loosely around your neck, your hand snapping up immediately to latch around his wrist as if it would be enough to stop him from choking you again. 

“I don’t know anything about Siths!”

“Your lies tire me,” Kylo growls. So he knew you were only giving him half truths. And yet, he hadn't struck you down, killed you for your insolence. 

“I was given something,” you uttered quickly, thinking of Daiman, “but I swear I don’t know what it is. It wasn’t in any language I know or recognize. Just symbols and sketchings.” You could hear Daiman’s dark voice, hissing of your connection to the book in your ear as he prompted you to take it. You remembered the dream, it seemed so long ago that you’d thought about it. The symbols that burned your skin now just as they had in your dream.

“What was it? Where is it?” Kylo’s hands tensed at his side, as if he itched to hold the book in his hands. 

“I….I don’t have it anymore.” You hoped it sounded genuine enough to Kylo, eyes searching through the dark visor of the helmet for any signs. Think of anything, you pleaded with yourself in your head, anything except the book. Despite yourself, a flicker of that breathless pain settled deep in your thoughts. You hoped it was too deep for Kylo to find. 

“Liar.” Your eyes shut and heart sank as you flinched, bracing yourself for his hand tightening around your throat but he lowered to your neckline, leather covered fingers digging into the fabric of your shirt. Your pulse quickened as his gloved hand brushed against the sensitive skin of your breasts. Before you could react to any of it, he pulled roughly, the fabric giving way and ripping through the middle. The back of your neck burned from the sheer force, cold air biting at your skin as your stomach and chest lay bare save for a thin bra. Your cheeks burned a deep crimson hue as he beheld the strange alchemic symbols tattooed along your sides, curling around your breasts and lining your collar bone. You knew there was nothing sexual about what had been done yet you felt a deep violation worse than any before, biting your lip to keep the tears at bay.

“Are there other marks?” You nodded, eyes still closed.

“Where?”

“My arms, and legs,” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“How did this happen?” He urged. Your eyes opened and you took a shaky breath, swallowing as your saliva turned thick in your burning throat.

“I was taking the book off the planet. There was a man, Daiman, who told me to get it off the planet and that it would cause unfathomable death and destruction, should it fall into the wrong hands. When the blockade stopped us, I decided to send my ship back without me. I didn’t even remember that I had the book with me until it branded me with those….those markings. I took it out of my jacket and it burned like nothing I’d ever felt before. Before I knew it, it turned to dust in my hands and my pod was taken. Here I stand, marred by my foolish ambition, Commander.”

“It was branded onto your skin?” He asked. You nodded. Kylo reached out to touch the markings right above your racing heart, when the doors of the room opened.

“Commander Ren! You’re needed at the Command Bay.” A man in a grey uniform, undoubtedly Clovis, quirked his eyebrows as the sight of a hunched Kylo Ren and my ripped shirt unraveled before him. When Kylo straightened, he averted his gaze forward.

“Do not interrupt me, Admiral,” he growled through the mask. Clovis blinked, hands shaking at his side.

“My apologies, Commander. It’s just--”

“You will take this prisoner to a better room,” He turned away from you, walking towards the Admiral and facing him, “Preferably one with a bathing chamber; she reeks of smoke and filth. Activate the cuffs on her. Place a guard at her door at all times.”

“Right away, sir.”

“Do not interrupt me again.” He paused by Clovis’ side, fists clenched before heading his way out. His heavy footsteps left until the sound of their thuds was just a memory. Clovis stood frozen by the door, his face pale and sweaty. You took his distracted state to grab the ends of your jacket and zip your exposed skin away. Your skin still tingled from Kylo’s touch as you slumped against the wall. Some stormtroopers came in to assist Clovis, activating the cuffs. He looked over once at you, and turned on his heel, two stormtroopers in front of you, and two behind you, all carrying blasters with both hands. 

They led you down several corridors, and you marked every distinguishable landmark you passed, counting your steps as well as every turn. Clovis turned right to a short hallway that led to a large open area. You passed through it, and realized that they’d taken you through the ship’s hangar. Dozens of soldiers ran about, doing repairs, diagnostic checks, and the like as you all walked through. They paid you no mind. You could see your pod through the throng of stormtroopers, small droids beginning to pull it to pieces for spare parts. Worry panged in your heart as you thought about Rhodes. You hadn’t managed to negotiate much of anything at all with Kylo Ren. Some plan you had.

Something glittering caught your eyes when you’d nearly made it to the other side of the hangar. It was glass from the windows of a tie fighter, and you knew there were rows upon rows of fighters beyond it. The one you saw in particular was in repairs, but hope began to blossom in your chest. If you could just get the cuffs off, and get to a ship, you could leave. You’d have to find a place to ditch the ship of course, knowing the fighters most likely have trackers but that was a worry for later. First, you needed to get these cuffs off. But you couldn’t do it here. There were too many troopers that could overpower you. You’d wait until you were back in those tight winding hallways. 

Clovis led you all into another short outer hallway, same as the other before you turned left into the main halls. You waited long enough that the scuffle wouldn’t be heard from the hangar, yet still close enough to run to. The stormtrooper behind you, on your left, had been given the remote that emitted the magnetic frequency to unlock the cuffs. You needed a diversion, something that would allow you to take it from him. Without much of a thought, you keeled over to the side, the trooper stumbling before tripping over you, his utility belt inches from your hand. 

“What the--” The trooper on your right exclaimed, turning to the two of you on the ground just after you’d snatched the remote. You pressed the end and the cuffs came apart just in time for you to grab the fallen stormtrooper’s rifle and shoot the closest one to you. The two front ones and Clovis turned around, guns beginning to aim. You picked up the first fallen stormtrooper, holding his wide body in front of yours as the blasters went off and you aimed over his shoulder at the next two troopers. They collapsed by Clovis and you stood quickly as he snarled in frustration, prying a blaster from the heap of men. You had already begun running, turning to shoot behind you at him. His cry of pain and a misplaced blast gave you enough indication that he’d been hit. 

Your heart raced loudly in your ribs, and you were breathless, knowing there were three turns to be made before the hangar would open up to you. Your boots pounded hard against the floor, the sound echoing in the now eerie quiet of the hallways. It was already a matter of time before someone made their rounds and saw the mess you’d made. If they hadn’t already heard the grunts and blasts. No matter, you thought, you were so close to freedom you could hear the roar of engines in your ears. 

You went to turn for the short hall that led to the hangar, only to be crushed against something hard and warm, seeing stars. Pain burst into your nose and right cheekbone as you were roughly flung back from the impact, landing hard on your ass. The blaster skittered across the shining floor, spinning before settling several feet away from you. A hand went to your nose as blood gushed out through your fingers, and you looked up. A choked gasp left you as you beheld the incredibly large figure in front of you. His fists clenched before relaxing with tense calm. 

“Leaving so soon?” Kylo Ren mused. Your hand left your face and you gathered saliva and blood in your mouth, and spit on his polished black boots. He chuckled at the act of defiance.

“Like I’d let you keep me here as your damn pet and prisoner.” You snarled, remembering his apparent gaze upon your nearly naked skin and felt the torn fabric under your jacket. Damn the consequences. 

“Prisoner? Nonsense. You’re my guest,” he said softly, a smirk evident in his voice. Dark cloudy rage burst into your blood, and you grit your teeth. You wanted to take that blaster and shoot him right where he stood. Right where you knew that stupid smirk would be. A group of stormtroopers ran around him, picking you up from where you sat. They held your arms back and you tried not to wince as it felt as if your arms were nearly being pulled from their sockets. Kylo Ren stepped in closer, towering over you and even the soldiers that held you. 

“There’s so much anger in you,” he breathed, liquid animosity still roiling through your body. 

“Standing in front of a murderous monster will do that to you.” Your words surprised him, and he seemed taken aback, even through the helmet. A death wish, you must have a damn death wish. Kylo’s body tensed, and the grips on your arms seemed to shake ever so slightly.

“Monster?” He asked incredulously, a leather covered hand gripped the front of your jacket so fast you had no time to react. The grip on your arms loosened as Kylo’s tightened and lifted you so that the tips of your boots barely graced the ground. 

“Choose your words carefully, Captain,” he spat the words at you through the regulator, “for my hospitality only runs so deep. I could have thrown you out like the rest of the trash, spinning out from a chute into the cold, dark vacuum of space. Just where a worthless traitor like you belongs.” He set you down and you hadn’t realized your eyes were brimmed with tears. The guards held you again and Kylo leaned down to your ear, cold metal burning your flushed cheek.

“I do not give small mercies freely,” he uttered, “and next time, there will be punishments in order.” He straightened, whipping around so hard that his cloak swung with him. Kylo Ren stomped away into the hangar while the guards led you down a number of long hallways to a door. One pressed on the keypad, and the door slid open, revealing a quaint and simple room. A simple shove from behind had you over the threshold and the door closed behind you. You turned, fists banging angrily on the metal. You let tears stream down your face in frustration, your hands aching as you beat the door.

Nothing had gone right. For all you knew, your honesty would be the end of your friends and you were the personal prisoner of Kylo Ren. You wanted to kick yourself but settled for the door, hitting it until what little of your energy was left ran out. Your body slumped against it, and you hugged your knees to your chest, ignoring the dried blood and snot covering you. Shaking with sobs, you allowed yourself this one moment of weakness. Cry now, and never again. Never outside of this room. Never in front of Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Told ya Kylo would be coming up more now ;) Hope you're all enjoying this new chapter! I'll have the Chp 5 out for you next week :)


	5. Perfect Dreams to Endless Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were truly a prisoner. Your shackles may be gone, and hard metal replaced with a bed, but you were a prisoner. Despite Kylo's warnings of punishment you didn't think how he acted upon them would be so...personal, and despite the punishments, you still plan your escape.

It felt as if hours had past since you’d crumpled at the door, arms wrapped tight around your knees as you hugged them to your chest. Your head ached from the quiet sobs that racked your body, eyes puffy and burning from the salty tears. At this point, you merely sat numbly, head buried in your arms as dried tears, blood and snot stuck to your skin. You lifted your head and squinted as you took in your new living quarters. A short hallway between the room and the door kept your view obscured. You figured you might as well get up to see the room. And shower too. 

Wincing, you stood, your joints aching from being in one position for far too long. You hugged yourself as you stepped into the openness of the room. It was slightly bigger than the interrogation room but the hard floors were covered in a dark plush carpet, and a bed sat against the left wall. A dresser decorated the wall across the bed, while a door was implanted in the back wall. You passed a small nightstand with a light fixture bolted on top, twisting a small knob until warm yellow tinged light filled the room. There were no windows and the only light came in through the crack of the room’s door. You walked around the bed to the other door. It slid open automatically as you neared it, opening up to a small bathroom.

A light flickered on as you entered, and you looked around at the threshold. It had standard amenities, along with a vanity and a seat that came out from under the sinks. There was a tub at the back, and a tall shower with frosted glass beside it. You opened up the cabinets, finding a stack of towels inside. You grabbed a towel, placing it on the counter of the vanity before turning around back into the room, the door shutting behind you. Walking over to the dresser, you pulled open the first drawer and found standard t-shirts folded nicely. You pulled the first one you saw out, letting it unravel and holding it up to see if it would fit. It was a men’s cut, but you’d make do. You hung it over your arm as you opened the next two drawers and found men’s undergarments and sweatpants. 

Huffing, you draped it all over your arm and laid them out on the bed, going back into the shower. You opened the frosted door of the shower, and paused as you saw the knobs, turning one in hopes that hot water would shoot out. Cold water sprayed down your arm and you yelped, pulling your arm back to you. You waited for the water to warm, stepping away from the shower to strip your clothing off. You unzipped your jacket, the leather and fabric falling to the floor and the dingy white t-shirt underneath opening up. Cold air mixed with the steam from the now hot shower hit your bare stomach as you beheld the torn scraps. You shivered just thinking about Kylo’s hands ripping the shirt nearly in two as he towered over you. You shook off the shirt, using it to wipe the blood off your face and temple as you turned to the vanity mirror. You paused.

You scanned your reflection, noting the dark circles under your eyes. They were puffy from crying earlier, and both your cheek, temple and nose were beginning to sport angry red and purple bruises. You ignored the black brands of the damned book that decorated your skin, only wiping the blood away from tender spots on your face. Sighing, you turned away, stepping out of your boots and pants, leaving it all a crumpled heap in the corner of the bathroom. You opened up the shower door once more and took a step in, groaning happily as you stood under the hot spray. 

The shower head released jet after jet of hot water on your tense and aching muscles. You turned in the shower to a small alcove built into the wall, finding clear bottles of soap, and you picked up a random one, a clear blue soap, and lathered it over yourself. It smelled like trees and rain, and you couldn’t help but hum as you washed the dirt and grime off you, the smell enveloping your senses. You reached for the opaque white soap next to it, its scent the same and used it to lather your hair. It felt like it’d been ages since you last showered and you realized the last time you’d showered you were with Rhodes. 

You’d both made your way back to the inn where you were both staying, cleaning yourselves off from the latest mission before you made the trip back to Kijimi. Just before the nightmare aboard the ship, and the mission to Sarrassia from Talos. Before the mines with Daimon and before you’d sent both Rhodes and Vi back to Kijimi without you. You had sat in clean clothes on the bed, running over archives with Vi’s databases when Rhodes had stepped out with only a towel around his waist, and water running down his body. You’d seen it a thousand times and it never bothered you, it never made you uncomfortable. He was your friend for years, and while you both quietly held a bond, it never complicated itself. It never went further than your eyes on him in moments like this and his hands always finding a home on your skin. Nothing more. 

The water had gone cold by the time you realized you’d stopped humming contently. Only the spray of the water from the pipes echoed in the shower and you tasted salt on your lips. You were crying again. You reached up, lightly scrubbing at your face and winced as you washed off any remaining soap in freezing cold water before turning the knob and stepping out of the shower. You took the towel from the counter and wrapped it around yourself, drying off quickly and ignoring both the ripped clothes and your reflection in the steamed mirror before stepping out from the bathroom. 

You stopped in your tracks as you saw a silver tray of food resting on the nightstand by your bed. It was covered, a small white note sat against the lid. You held the towel closed around you with one hand and reached for the note with the other, unfolding it between your fingers and holding it up to the lamp to see. 

“Dinner,” you read out, “Eat. I’ll know if you haven’t. Signed, the Commander.” You scoffed as you read Kylo Ren’s note, throwing it with a flick of your hand and picking up the lid. Steam lifted with the lid along with the aroma of spices and meat as you beheld cooked vegetables and meat on a tray. Your mouth watered at the sight of it. You fought against the rumbles in your stomach as you lowered the lid, walking away to get dressed. Slipping on the shirt over your head, you debated leaving the food by the door as an act of defiance against Kylo. However, you hadn’t eaten in so long, you could feel yourself growing more and more weak. If you wanted to rally strength to escape again you’d need food in your stomach. You pushed the boxers up your legs, finding that they reached mid-thigh, the shirt reaching just slightly higher above that and opted against putting on the long sweatpants. You folded them up and placed them back inside the dresser, going to the tray of food. Picking up the lid again, you saw a spoon beside the uncovered tray. 

You picked up the tray and the spoon, sitting on the edge of the bed and carefully scooped up the vegetables. You sniffed the spoonful of food first, trying to discern any sort of poison but gave up and placed the spoon in your mouth. Placing the spoon back on the tray, you chewed slowly, salt and spices lighting up your taste buds as you ate. You swallowed, nearly wanting to cry at how hungry you realized you actually were. You allowed yourself two more small spoonfuls before placing the food back under the lid and shoving it against the doorway, banging on the door for the guard to hear. You turned away, the door opening and shutting behind you as they took the tray and you climbed into the bed, licking the remnants of taste from your lips. 

You didn’t realize how tired the day had made you until you’d curled up under the comforter, facing the door. Your eyes began to droop and close against your better judgement. Despite how much you attempted to fight sleep, the dim lit room began to blend in with the darkness that hid behind your closed eyelids. 

You awoke on a sandy beach, the cry of birds high above you. The sun burned your eyes and you squinted, sitting up slowly and resting on your hands. You looked down, feeling the sun’s warmth deep in your skin, to see yourself merely dressed in tight shorts that hugged your rear and thighs and a shirt made from flimsy fabric that wrapped around your chest. Your shoulders and stomach were bare and...tan. No black burns adorned your skin. You sat up faster, feeling the smooth skin under your hands and laughed in shock. They were gone. But where were you? You head shot up as you heard your name. 

“Rhodes?” Your head quirked to the side as Rhodes jogged up through the waves of the clear blue waters in front of you. His shorts were dark and wet, clinging to every sinew in his olive skin. He smiled widely as he hit the sand, white grain sticking to his feet and calves as he kicked it up behind him. Water dripped down his body and it made you think of the shower at the inn, the way it dropped from his curls. You didn’t know when you’d ever see him again, remembering his slumped body against the chair of your ship. You hurried to your feet, running the small distance between you and wrapping your arms around his wet waist. 

“Whoa!” He chuckled arms tight on your back as he hugged you close. You breathed heavily as your eyes shut tight, needing to feel the water and heat on his skin against yours. You started to sob as he kissed the crown of your head, calloused hands rubbing at the bare skin of your back. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” you whimpered into his chest; he smelled like sun, and earth, and forests. It rumbled with his soft laugh.

“It’ll take a lot to get rid of me,” he joked, “plus, I owe you one. I hope getting us on one of Iloh’s beaches will make us even.” You could feel his other arm gesture around the both of you and you laughed, sniffling. 

“Stubborn as always,” you mumbled happily, enjoying how he felt against you. You didn’t care how you’d gotten rid of the burns, how the both of you managed to find each other and how you’d even made it to a beach on Iloh. You just needed to hold him. To hear his--you tensed, body frozen as you hugged Rhodes. You couldn’t hear a heartbeat. Yours began to roar in your ears as you tried to pinpoint his, beginning to pull away. Rhodes’ grip tightened painfully like a vise around you, squeezing the breath from you and causing your ribs to ache. Panic began to set in and you fought against Rhodes’ death grip. You choked out Rhodes’ name, tears streaming from your eyes. No, no, no. 

“Are your dreams always this pathetic?” You stopped cold in your tracks as Kylo Ren’s voice now rumbled against your head. You could smell charred wood, fire and matured leather. Rhodes’ dark olive skin lightened a few shades to a more pallid shade, and the hands at your back dug into you. You cried out in pain, tearing your head from his chest to see the strong built chest of Kylo Ren. You ignored the dense muscle under your fingers and before your gaze as you beheld the half naked commander. Oddly enough, his helmet was still attached, saltwater dripping off it just as it had off Rhodes’ curls. If you weren’t trembling with fear and panic, the sight would have been comical. You pushed hard against him, desperate to get away, when searing pain traveled along your skin. Your cries turned into near inhuman screams as the black burns began to smolder in your skin once more, that liquid fire in your veins returning, fueling your pain and rising anger. 

The water from Kylo’s helmet hissed and evaporated as it hit your skin and held you there as you writhed, legs giving out from the pain as scars trailed down the sides of your calves. As the pain died down, you managed to free an arm from Kylo’s grasp, nails digging into his chest as you reached up to rip off the helmet. You’d find that dark smirk you could always hear in his voice, and hurt him. Your fingertips itched to feel his blood, his pain, and Kylo pulled your arm away at the last second, the effort causing both of you to fall against the hard sand. The wind was knocked out of you as Kylo pinned your hands down above your head. 

“Enough,” he growled, and you could see the edges of your vision, once decorated with lush greenery and cerulean waters replaced with dark walls and dim lamplight. Of course, it was all a dream. You hadn’t found Rhodes, you were imprisoned by the First Order. You weren’t free. Anger pulsed in you again like a stoked fire turned to a blazing inferno, and you kicked your leg up, your knee hitting him right between his thighs. 

“No,” you spit angrily, as he grunted in pain. The entire beach scenery faded away into near blackness and you realized that it wasn’t darkness but Kylo Ren’s hand over your eyes, the leather light on your lashes. Your fist shot out from the side, landing deep in his gut. Kylo keeled over, coughing as you sat up and threw the blankets off, sprinting to the bathroom door. It opened and closed as you entered and you tried to find any sort of panel of buttons along the wall to lock the door, or keep it closed. There was merely a handle embedded in the metal and you took it with both hands, holding it closed. You cried out as the door attempted to slide open, sensing the presence on the other side of the door. It only opened a fingers width, your muscles screaming to keep it from opening more. You dug your heels into the floor, nearly sobbing at the desperation. 

The door flung open and you ripped your hands away before your fingers were nearly sliced off, falling back on your rear as you locked your eyes on Kylo Ren’s tall and fully dressed frame in the doorway. He was nearly as tall at the top of the threshold, ducking slightly as he stepped in. You slid backwards away from him on your hands.

“What do you want from me?” You yelled out, back hitting the sides of the tub. Kylo’s fists clenched at his sides, leather groaning from the tight movement. He paused just before you, and knelt, close enough that you could see your crazed and flushed reflecting in his helmet. He took one breath, the sound eerie through the regulator. 

“You didn’t eat last night.” He said simply. 

“What?” You asked breathlessly. Your eyebrows furrowed. This is what this was all about?

“I told you I would know if you didn’t eat.” 

“I ate!” You said incredulously. 

“The plate was full.”

“I wasn’t hungry. I had a few bites.”

“That's not enough.” Kylo pushed. 

“What does it fucking matter to you, anyways?” You hissed, anger building up inside of your chest, when Kylo’s hand shot out and wrapped soundly around your throat. The force of it caused your head to hit the hard surface of the tub and you winced. 

“Watch your mouth,” Kylo’s breathing became heavy, as if he were the one with a hand around his neck. You fought against his grip.

“Let go of me,” you breathed, gritting your teeth. Kylo’s grip tightened in warning.

“You don’t make the orders here, girl,” he leaned in impossibly close, the metal of the helmet’s face nearly touching your nose and lips, “you take them.” You shivered at his rough words, his mocking tone now hoarse and intense. He’d never used ‘girl’; he only called you by name or by ‘Captain’. Flashes of him shirtless and flush against you pulsed in your head and you shook them away, frowning at him. 

“I don’t take orders from anyone,” you pressed in, your nose touching the cold metal of the helmet. His fingers tightened even more on your throat and you fought to keep your ground, pushing against him.

“There will be punishments in order. Your insolence tires me. It seems threats to your life don’t faze you,” he thumbed the side of your throat, up and down your pulsing artery. The touch was soft, almost intimate, and you fought against a different type of shiver running down your spine. You tried to remember the disgust you’d felt back in the interrogation room when he’d ripped your shirt open, only to remember the way the leather felt on your skin, and his bare hands replacing Rhodes’ on your back. 

“Who is he?” Kylo asked roughly. Your eyes widened and you cursed yourself mentally. How could you think of Rhodes knowing you were face to face with the one person who could sense your thoughts? You realized he must have seen him in your dreams too. He saw how you wrapped yourself to soundly and tightly against him. The way you let your soft body mold into his toned one. You needed to lie. 

“He’s no one,” you rasped stupidly. Better, you needed to lie better.

“Understandably so. But you know what I mean. Who is he to you?” Kylo queried and you huffed, wanting to throttle Kylo. Wrap your hands around his neck and see how he’d like it. 

“An old flame,” you fought against his grip, still trying to free yourself from his chokehold. He tightened it once more, head quirking slightly as he beheld you, before letting go. You wrenched your head from him, your hand rubbing the bruises you were sure Kylo had made on your skin. He stood in one motion, still faced towards you. His fists clenched again, shaking as they tightened. Then, after a few seconds, they loosened. You sat still against the tub, not wanting to move, to even breathe. 

“Breakfast is on the table. You will finish every bit of it.” With that he turned, the cloak behind him swishing as he stalked out. You waited until the main door opened and closed before standing and tiptoeing out of the bathroom to see another tray on your nightstand. Along with a thermos. Your heart pounded as you hoped that your answer about Rhodes was enough to keep him off the radar. Lifting the lid you found the same breakfast as the other day, except cut fruit instead of toast. You picked up a piece of fruit with your fingers and chewed on it as you opened up the thermos. You poured the steaming liquid into the cap, the soft earthy aroma of tea filling your nose. You sipped it, burning your tongue slightly as you swallowed the bitter tea. You wondered who made the food on the ship, where they got their ingredients from. The tea reminded you of a small shop on Kijimi, where they dried the leaves for the tea out on a window by the market, the scent of tea filling the corner. 

You hadn’t realized your eyes had been watering until you felt a tear splatter on your cheek. Wiping it away angrily, you chastised yourself. For someone who’d sworn off tears, you sure seemed to cry a lot. You softened as you continued to eat slowly, spooning fruit into your mouth. Tidbits of your dream pulled at your heart as you tried to hold onto the feeling of Rhodes against your skin. Before he morphed into Kylo Ren. Before your perfect dream morphed into an endless nightmare. You hugged yourself after you finished the food, a shaking hand sipping from the cap of tea. You wondered whether Rhodes was angry at you for letting yourself be caught. If he blamed himself for not using scanners to find the blockade before you were forced to face it. Mad at Vi for allowing you to risk yourself. 

You screwed the cap back onto the empty thermos. Sighing, you placed it on the tray and placed the tray by the door, knocking once on it. You didn’t bother waiting for the door to open, and walked back to the bathroom to sit at the vanity. You winced at your reflection. Bruises covered your neck, along with the old ones on your face and temple, and your hair was a knotted mess. You rummaged through cabinets in the vanity, but couldn’t find a brush or a comb. Grunting in frustration as your fingers ran through knot after knot, you plaited the strands once they were somewhat brushed. You doubt you were in any position to ask for things as you were still technically a prisoner. Kylo’s voice rang in your head. 

“Prisoner? You’re my guest.” You wanted to punch his face. You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of any remnant of Kylo Ren for the rest of the day, and anything else that would get you in trouble. From now on, you needed to think about your way of escape. If you were ever able to leave the room, you needed to memorize your surroundings, the guard shifts, and the number of troopers on every hall and floor. 

You allowed yourself one last thought of Rhodes. Of his warm and wide smile, his kiss on your head. You wiped your eyes before picking up the note from dinner the night before, and a pen from a drawer in the nightstand. You wrote down every detail you knew so far. You would see Rhodes again. You’d find a way of this gods forsaken ship, and make your way back to him. You’d take him to Iloh, maybe spend out the rest of your days there, happy and content and free. Just as long as you had each other, you would have all you needed. 

You looked towards the door, eyes burning with quiet rage. 

No one was going to stop you from getting out. 

Not even Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope y'all are still enjoying the story! Chapter 6 will be up next week, of course! :)


	6. The Starkiller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two lonely and long weeks since your last encounter with the Commander of the First Order. However, you're sent to be transferred to the Starkiller base, and your chauffeur...is none other than Kylo Ren. You had doubts that being encased within the small metal walls of the Command Shuttle with Kylo would bode well for you. And well, you're right.

It had been nearly two weeks since you’d last seen Kylo Ren. The days had begun to blur into one another as you spent the entirety of it in the room. Although it had more space, privacy and comfort than your accommodations from before, the loneliness you experienced only seemed to further your status as a prisoner. No one came in other than the guards bringing in new trays of food, or droids picking up the laundry from a collection bin you’d found in the bathroom. 

The lack of Kylo’s presence did little to lessen your nerves, however. It seemed that the longer you were left alone to your own devices, the more you were forced to think about him. While he no longer intruded your dreams, he occupied your thoughts in nearly every waking moment, that is, when you weren’t plotting your escape or thinking of Rhodes and Vi. In fact, you still thought about the conversation that you and Kylo had in the bathroom; you could barely stand to look at the tub, let alone use it in all your newfound spare time. Even just taking a small glance at the white porcelain would remind you of the gravelly timbre of his voice. At times it was if you could scent his essence upon first entering the bathroom, the soft aroma of liquid smoke and dark aged leather dancing just before your nose; gooseflesh dotted your arms and your neck as you felt the ghost of those fingers wrapped around your throat, the cold bite of metal as your nose pressed against the flat black mouthpiece of his helmet. All that, for what? Skipping dinner?

It was such a personal intrusion on his end and you were misled by the rumors you’d heard on Kijimi to believe that your punishments would be at Kylo Ren’s hands. You’d wished that he’d only given you more bruises to sport instead of causing you to feel unsafe in your own thoughts. After all, he could see right into them, as if he was flipping through the flimsy pages of a book. Despite your temptations to find more ways to be defiant towards Kylo, you knew that eating would be better to spite him rather than letting yourself starve and become too weak to fight.

Three meals were sent in every day, a warning note leaned against the lid every morning at breakfast, every message the same as the day before: to finish the meals for the day. It became a habit for you to save each little paper, not for sentimental value but to help you mark the days and note the workings of the ship. Each one was roughly the size of your palm, covered in scribbles of little details you’d heard when the guards changed shifts; a routine developed as you sat just beyond the door as they chatted for a few minutes, listening to news or gossip as they talked. Most of it was useless, but you were relieved that there was no talk of new prisoners, or finding rogue ships.

It was the only thing keeping you sane, this mundane routine. Eat, listen, write, sleep. Unable to leave the quarters under any circumstances and as Kylo had not come to bother you again, you wondered what your purpose was here. There was something about the brands on your skin that meant something to Kylo. But what was their importance? How was a book given to you by a wraith doomed to the mines of a forgotten planet connected to Kylo Ren and the First Order? Talos had not told you everything about Sarrassia and you’d been fine with that. Asking questions was not a concern of yours, just the money. 

Despite learning more of the history of the planet from both Vi’s databases and Daimon, you felt as if the only true information that stood out to you was what you learned upon first meeting the Commander. As you stewed over it for weeks, it frustrated you to still have no clue as to what he wanted with the book, or well, you. The way he watched your breath heave, a pregnant pause that hung between the two of you as if he were about to say more about what sort of purpose you’d have, ran through your mind. It was frustrating, feeling as if you were left in the dark. As if everyone knew of your fate. Everyone but you.

The drawer of the nightstand next to you snicked shut, your hand sore from the quick note you’d made to mark the new morning. Picking up the neglected slice of toast on the tray atop the nightstand, you nibbled on it. With time, you had slowly begun to ignore the dark symbols that covered your exposed hand and arm. All over your body. It would be a lie to say you’d gotten used to ignoring them completely and without thought. It still took a small bit of effort to physically look away; you barely paid any mind to them in the mirror’s reflection, or as you slipped on clothes—the contents of your dresser now replaced with women’s clothing and garments. Just as you placed the metal lid back onto the food tray, its metallic clank the only familiar sound on this ship to you, the main door slid open. 

Unbound hair swished about your head as it swung towards the sound, bright light from the hallway filling the dimly lit room. There was a main light for the room, but you spent most of the time living by lamp light, it’s soft yellow glow reminded you of the dingy lighting of your ship. It was the only thing here to remind you of home. Of safety. You blinked twice, watching Kylo Ren’s dark behemoth frame nearly block out the outside light. 

“Get up,” Kylo ordered gruffly. Your skin prickled at the tone, heat rising in you. It seemed that every encounter with him ignited that fire roiling in your blood; his blunt manner the spark that flickered over the short fuse of your temper. 

“What for?” You rasped, your voice hoarse from the lack of use, tensing where you sat. He took a step forward, as if he meant to say something but paused mid stride and turned away quickly. 

“You're coming with me. I’d advise you to get dressed and collect your things. We leave in 10 minutes.” He stormed out, speaking with the guards for a moment before his heavy boot steps left the hallway. You didn’t understand Kylo’s odd reaction until you realized you’d sat wearing only a shirt and your underwear on the bed. The heat that usually came from talking to Kylo Ren left your veins and blossomed out over your cheeks, and on the tips of your ears. You wanted to smack yourself as you slipped off the bed and fixed the covers, running a hand through your hair frustratedly before you slipped on some charcoal grey pants from the dresser. 

You’d spent so long by yourself in your room you’d just avoided wearing pants altogether. Perhaps it also had to do with the fact that they were made of an uncomfortable factory material, starchy and tight at the ankles. You tucked in your white shirt, trying to seem a little bit more put together despite the foreign First Order clothes. Deftly plaiting your hair as you walk back to the bed, you stop to lift the mattress and pull out your carefully folded black jacket. As you slid it over your shoulders, the soft scent of smoke from when the book dissipated filled your nose. You didn’t dare let the droids that came in to collect laundry take the jacket, lest you never saw it again. It was speckled with dust from under the bed and all that you’d been through prior but you needed to feel some sort of stability. You needed it to keep you strong while you were imprisoned here. 

The first few nights alone in the room you’d hugged it fiercely against your chest as you slept fitfully. Fear crept into your heart as you imagined should Kylo return and see its importance to you, he would take it from you. Destroy it. It couldn’t have been a far cry from the truth as you’d already experienced the extent of sick punishments Kylo Ren enjoyed. His only goal was to rip your sanity from you until you were nothing more than a husk. As if it was his plan to break your mind until you obeyed him. After the third day, paranoia struck and you hid the jacket under your bed. 

There was something about your encounters with Kylo Ren that completely baffled you. You never felt so unsure of someone before in your life; you’d never made faulty readings on people you associated with when you were a trader. But Kylo Ren was an enigma. He was anger, confusion, pride, and those oddly soft moments in between. The bizarrely intimate moments where it felt as if there was a human under that mask instead of an unfeeling machine or a raging monster. What was behind that harsh metal mask of cold indifference? Was he compiled of a sharp face, unfeeling and yet brimming with rage behind eyes of fire? Was he scales and thorns and scars? Was he devastatingly beautiful? You shook your head before your thoughts could go further.

Reaching deeper underneath the mattress, you felt for the thin flat stack of warning notes from Kylo that you’d saved and shoved them into the inner pocket of your jacket. There weren’t many places to hide things here; you’d moved the notes from place to place every once in a while, hoping throughout the days that there wouldn’t be any sort of search. It would be unlike Kylo to try and search you as you’d come without any belongings. Just the jacket and the clothes on your back. Chills ran down your spine as you felt the paper rustle in your pocket, reminding you of the metal book that clanged there weeks before. Anywhere else would either be too noticeable or uncomfortable, and you sent a silent prayer to the gods that the paper would cease to rustle against the fabric; at least enough for Kylo to not hear.

You had just tugged on your boots, when the door slid open once more, an impatient shadow on the other side. Soft steps of your soles were muffled in the carpet as you approached Kylo. He stood stoically, and took something from the hands of the guard by the door. Chrome metal glistened in the hallway as he held out a pair of thin steel cuffs, attached by a bar the width of two fingers. You could have laughed at the sight. There was no chance of you finding a remote to deactivate them, as they were simply utilized with a lock and key mechanism. The key, most certainly, on Kylo’s person. 

“These are new,” you mumbled, a slight smirk in your voice as you held your wrists out in front of you. 

“Turn around,” Kylo said gruffly. You tensed at his tone again, but complied, turning and placing your wrists together behind you. Leathered hands gripped your fingers as he locked each cuff in place, tightening them painfully. 

“They’re too tight,” you winced as he spun you back around to him. He seemed much closer than before and your neck craned to meet his eye, or in this case, the visor of his helmet. 

“Silence.” His hand gripped your chin firmly, catching you off guard. Your breath was caught in your lungs as he touched you. It nearly drove you mad that just one touch could cow you in such a way, that just his fingers on your skin could stop your beating heart. You scowled in his grip, eyes trying to burn holes in that stupid helmet of his. 

“After your little show a few weeks back, we’ve found a pair of special cuffs just for you. Even if their use is mostly as an accessory, it’s an enjoyable sight nonetheless.” A dark chuckle rumbled through the helmet’s regulator and your cheeks burned pink as you remembered he’d caught you barely dressed not ten minutes ago. For someone who could hardly speak in front of an unarmed half naked girl, he sure was cocky now. You grit your teeth, baring them at him as he chuckled. 

“Let go of me,” you hissed, wrenching your chin away from his grasp. He didn’t seem fazed by your attitude, his head ducked down slightly to take in your shorter stature, before turning on his heel to the left. 

“Come,” he ordered without so much a glance. Against your better judgement, you looked in the opposite direction, peering down the long winding hallways to find something familiar. It was the way you’d come two weeks ago anyways. A tug deep in the center of your navel nearly had you spinning around, as if someone had pulled on a string tied to your core. Your eyes went to your abdomen as you breathed hard, now turned in the other direction, Kylo waiting with his hand open in a “come hither” motion. Of course, he’d done it. How could you forget about his ability to manipulate your body against your will? He was a Force user. You straightened, huffing annoyed as you walked in his direction, eyes raging. 

“It would be wise not to test my patience today, Captain,” Kylo uttered as you reached him, turning once again to lead you down a number of hallways. Following behind him, you kept one eye around you and the other on Kylo’s tall frame. His cloak swished about behind you, boots heavy and hard on the ground as he tread through, groups of stormtroopers either evading him by going around or stopping completely to stand at attention as he passed. The sheer essence of power that rippled from Kylo Ren was nearly too much for the encasing halls, as if they could barely contain that darkness and fury inside of him. He was a dark knight, spearing the way into the unknown; the reaper of the damned leading you down to hell. 

You recognized the short hallways that led to the hangar, the flash of Kylo picking you up by the front of your jacket dancing before your eyes. A lump formed in your throat as you watched Kylo’s back muscles twitch under his clothes and cloak. You tested what little patience Kylo had every chance you got, but hoped that your quiet behavior over the past few weeks would grant you leniency. Maybe your freedom. 

“Why are we in the hangar?” You asked after him. If he heard you, he didn’t let on, continuing to walk through the throngs of pilot troopers and ships. Your heart ached at the disappearance of your escape pod. Two weeks later and they’d reduced every part of it, down to the screws that held the smallest widgets and parts together, to scrap metal. It was as if a part of you was now gone, torn apart and spread amongst the tyranny of the First Order. Perhaps that would be your future when Kylo Ren was finished with you. Maybe his promise would be fulfilled and you too, would drift along the refuse of space; unremarkable, unrecognizable, and forgotten in a bleak war weary world with no one to mourn you. 

So lost in thought, you smacked into Kylo’s back, bouncing off and scrunching your nose as it blossomed with pain. He was still, a strong wall of solid black before turning to you, a hand gesturing for you to step aboard the vessel before the both of you. Looking past Kylo’s vast frame, you scrutinized the Command Shuttle, a slight acrid odor of burning metal and plastic burrowing itself in your nose. Whatever damage had been done here was repaired, but the scent was enough to remind you that those said repairs were new and fresh. 

“We don’t have all day,” Kylo barked impatiently and you jumped at the sudden voice. Glaring down at the ground, you stomped up the ramp, finding your way into the first set of seats, away from the control panel and pilot’s chair. Upon sitting, it had come to your attention you wouldn’t be able to strap yourself into the seat, your hands clasped together behind you. Would Kylo take your cuffs off before the flight? It was obvious that you didn’t even need cuffs seeing as he was your personal guard. Like you would try a stunt to escape in such close quarters with him. Or even while he was present. All it would take was the flick of his hand, and you’d be rendered prone to him. You were ballsy, but not suicidal. 

Kylo Ren’s steps echoed through the Command Shuttle as he made his way up the ramp. It hissed closed behind him, marching his way to the pilot’s chair. His cloak moved as he passed, black metal glistening in the ship’s interior lighting. It took some effort not to gasp as you watched him seat himself in the chair and begin powering up the shuttle. You’d never seen a lightsaber up close before. It had been several years ago when you’d found a merchant selling Kyber crystals, and parts of a lightsaber. You’d never seen one put together, like Kylo’s. Confusion rang through your thoughts. 

Kylo wasn’t a Jedi. While he knew a relevant amount of Sith history, and was related to one of the most feared Siths the galaxy had ever seen, he wasn’t one. Kylo Ren was not a Sith name. Why would he have a lightsaber, and have knowledge of the Force if he was neither side? 

“I suggest strapping yourself in.” 

“Hard to do with your hands tied,” you shot back, your thoughts still racing over the lightsaber Kylo had strapped to his waist. 

“Is that so?” Kylo stood, his head nearly reaching the top of the shuttle and he turned, stalking towards the back row of seats. He kneeled before you, and your heart began to pound in your chest. Even kneeling, he was still taller than you. His gloved hands reached for the straps at both your shoulders, pulling them over you so that they rested over you, rather than at your side. Kylo’s head ducked down, his visor facing your lap as he reached between your thighs to pull the middle connector up. 

“W-What are you doing?” You breathed, heat fanning over your cheeks and across your chest. 

“Relax,” he ordered softly, taking one strap and pulling it down over your breast, the buckle connecting with the middle piece above the apex of your thighs. He repeated the process with the other side, the hard strap pulled against your breast again. You sucked in a breath, your heart a darting bird in a cage of bone, and Kylo leaned in close. It was close enough that you turned your head to the side, eyes squeezing shut as his hands skimmed your sides to go behind your back. His hands skimmed your own, closed fists in the cuffs, and a click sounded in your ears. Pressure lessened on your wrists, and the cuffs had popped open, Kylo pulling them out from behind you. The cuffs clattered to the ground, leather once again brushing over your clothed skin and your hands shot out, bracing against his chest. You didn’t push him away, and cursed yourself for not doing so, but you held him at that distance. His helmet cocked to the side slightly as your eyes popped open, seeing his behemoth frame hover over you. 

“Thank you,” you wheezed softly, air a foreign feeling in your lungs. Within a second, Kylo was standing and making his way back to the pilot’s chair, preparing the ship for takeoff. Not risking another glance to the front of the cockpit, you rubbed at your sore wrists, angry red ring shaped welts decorating them. Before you knew it, the shuttle was shooting out of the hangar, and jumping into hyperspace. Your body pulled against the straps from the force of the ship, and you couldn’t help but be thankful that you’d been strapped in. You just wished that you were the one who’d done it. 

It was moments like these with Kylo that always left your mind infested with questions. Kylo’s many faceted emotions continued to give you whiplash, his soft yet alluring tendency being the most confusing. For a stone cold killer, his hands were light on you, careful. Aside from the fact that both his gaze and his touch roamed far too much and far too long over your body, you felt an odd sense of intimacy. As if this was some side of Kylo he’d not shown before. But then came his temper. Fiery, bursting and blunt; his threats of killing you, his fingers on your neck, or the lack of them as you choked in the interrogation room. Kylo Ren was not a good man, he was not a kind man, you reminded yourself. There was darkness that lurked in his, that scared even the shadows on the ship away. Something so twisted and pained inside of him. It wasn’t your job to figure it out. Your job was merely to survive. Survive and escape. 

Blue lights danced in the window before both of you, and Kylo sat unmoving in his seat. You watched him for what seemed like hours, eyeing the soft rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed. Despite the ship’s autopilot engaged for the jump, his hands remained loosely around the controls, ready for anything. You opened your mouth several times, but found yourself closing it, not even sure of what to say anyways. Kylo wasn’t exactly someone you made small talk with, or someone who would even entertain small talk. 

“You’re surprisingly quiet.” Kylo’s voice rang in your ears, and that wretched blush crept its way back on your face again. 

“There’s nothing I have to say to you,” you volleyed, prickling in annoyance. He chuckled softly, the air full of mirth and heat. Your arms crossed over your chest. 

“Come up here.” His hand gestured lazily to the extra seat at the front of the cockpit. You shook your head, even though he couldn’t see. 

“I’m fine where I’m at,” you declined. Kylo’s hand returned to the controls and tightened, the leather of his gloves creaking from the movement. 

“It wasn’t a suggestion.”

You huffed frustratedly as you fumbled with the belt buckles, managing to free only one strap from yourself. Sweat slicked your fingers as it seemed the heat in your body only seemed to spread and worsen with every second on this gods-forsaken shuttle. With a few more seconds of struggle, you released the other side and stood, eyeing the cuffs on the floor by your seat, and made your way up to the front. Closed fists rested at your side as you sat stiffly and reached for the straps to buckle yourself in. 

“Will you require assistance for those straps too?” Kylo murmured, hands relaxed on the arms of his seat. 

“The only reason I needed help in the first place,” you hissed as you angrily pushed in one strap to the middle buckle, “was because you had me handcuffed for no reason.” The final strap snapped in place and you huffed, wiping sweat that gathered along your brow.

“It was not without reason,” Kylo said simply. 

“Oh really? Do tell.” 

“It was, in fact, enjoyable watching you struggle.” Your heart stopped beating for a moment, turning over the words in your head. Murderer or not, these games tired you. Despite your...reaction to these games, you knew that it was wrong to feel anything but contempt for Kylo. His cavalier behavior didn’t make it any easier. You shifted in your chair uncomfortably, a new heat between your thighs the main cause of your frustration. 

“Why did you bring me up here anyways?” 

“I thought you might like to enjoy the view before we get to the base.”

“Wait, what base?” Your interest peaked, along with the horror that you could possibly be moved even farther away from Kijimi. It would take you longer to make it back when you escaped. 

“Starkiller.” He said simply. Your head turned abruptly in his direction. Not only was it closer to Kijimi but it was a massive base. Perhaps the numbers would be enough for you to eventually slink away and escape in one of the numerous hangars. That, or they would work against you, and you wouldn’t be able to overpower guards as easily as you had on the battleship. It was a risk that would take some calculating. You couldn’t just go guns blazing on Starkiller. Affiliated with Kylo Ren or not, wrong moves could result with your execution. A mental groan broke out as you realized you’d need to rewrite new notes for the base; you were tired of waiting and biding your time. Who knew what sort of trouble Rhodes was getting himself into just to find you? 

“You’re taking me to Starkiller? Why?” Your knuckles ached as you gripped the arms of the seat tightly, hope fluttering in your chest. 

“And here I thought you had nothing to say to me,” Kylo deflected. You lost against the effort to not roll your eyes. After a few minutes of silence, Kylo spoke. 

“Our interrogation was...interrupted. I have orders, and I intend to fulfill them.” 

“And it means having to change ships? I was enjoying being left alone.” You said flippantly, turning away from him and hoping he caught the slight bite in your tone. He didn’t show if he did.

“I was away, had I been on the ship we’d have continued with your interrogation.”

“You couldn’t continue it back on the ship?”

“Unlike you,” Kylo growled, “I do not stay on that particular ship. It would be easier to continue with all of my duties if you were moved to the Starkiller base. Your convenience isn’t a concern.” His hands tightened once more on the controls, his annoyance with your pestering apparent. 

“Just how long will this damn--”

“That’s enough of your questions.” Kylo’s sharp bark echoed off the walls of the Command Shuttle and you jumped, brows furrowing.

“Fine,” you huffed, wrestling with the straps as you unbuckled them, “I’ve had enough of this damn view, anyways.” Kylo’s hand shot out to grab your wrist but you whirled away, snatching your hand to your chest. 

“Sit down,” he ordered, that darkness returning to scare the shadows away. Your hands closed in small shaking fists by your side.

“No! I won’t sit up here to ‘watch the view’. I’m a fucking prisoner. Prisoners sit,” you gasped to take in a breath, “in the back.” You began to stomp towards the last row of seats when a hand wrenched your shoulder violently, flinging you to the closest wall. Pain shot through your body, from your shoulder to your head as it hit the metal walls of the shuttle. Kylo was there in an instant, pushing himself against you, his leather glove wrapped around your throat snugly. You whimpered from the pain, desperate to ignore his body pressed against yours. The force of impact had whipped your jacket off one side of your shoulder, the marks exposed as they ran down your arm, to the top of your hand. You feared that the papers you’d hid would all come falling out in a flurry, but thanked the gods that it was on the other side. Kylo’s grip tightened on you, the other hand gripping your naked wrist and yanking it up over your head. Heavy breaths fought their way past Kylo Ren’ helmet, static crackling in his regulator as it tried to convert the sound. 

“You’re right,” Kylo snarled, his grip on your wrist nearly enough to crack the bones. The red welts on your skin burned at the touch. “You are a prisoner. And an insolent one at that.” He leaned in close, letting that burning cold surface of his helmet push against your cheeks. You winced at the cold biting into your skin, struggling weakly against his grasp. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to discipline you. You and that filthy mouth,” he growled by your ear. A soft robotic female voice warned that we were to leave hyperspace in less than sixty seconds. In an instant, Kylo’s grip ceased, and he turned away, stalking towards the pilot’s chair. You crumpled to the closest seat, knees weak and hands shaking as you strapped yourself in. You buckled yourself at the last second, nearly vaulted out of your seat as the shuttle stopped. 

Your eyes burned and you blinked any wetness away, focusing on the ice planet that loomed before you. Rather than the heat that had built in your core or the tightness of your chest.

Starkiller. Your salvation, or your doom. 

Without taking a glance towards Kylo, a part of you feared that it would be the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Due to some personal things going on, I've had to release this next chapter a little bit later than usual, so I'm sorry for the wait :( But! This past week has been such a delight! I can't believe that I've gained almost 300 new readers for this story and I just want to thank everyone for all the love you've shown me. This fic is my pride and joy, and it's been my first fic that I've worked this hard on! It's taken me years to get back into writing and I just want to thank everyone for taking a chance on my writing and my story. It means the world to me! <3


	7. Change of Scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make it to the Starkiller base in one piece, more or less, and Kylo's odd behavior begins to unnerve you. Between the volatile shouting matches and the foreign acts of kindness, you're unsure of what exactly Kylo wants from you. Are you still just a prisoner? You doubted they get this kind of treatment.

You watched in near stunned silence, hands still gripping the straps of the seat as you beheld the Starkiller base. It was an effort to not look towards the tense pin-straight back of Kylo Ren in front of you. The heat from inside of you seemed to sizzle out as the empty cold of space was replaced with the lively chill of the icy planet-base. Your stomach sank as the Command Shuttle began to descend down into the frigid cloud cover, frost crackling on the edges of the glass. Kylo guided the shuttle expertly down to an overhang of craggy grey rock, bone-white steel doors sliding open to reveal a private hangar.

You turned towards the edge of the glass, unable to catch the soft wistful sigh from falling past your lips as you watched the dark green coniferous trees capped with sparkling ice and snow disappear from your sight. It had been so long since you’d seen any sort of earth or life; you’d become so used to the eyefuls of steel and space for weeks until now. You tried to savor the display of greenery in your head, hoping that the image of it in your mind wouldn’t fade with time. Then you hoped that the Starkiller base had windows. 

Kylo’s head ticked slightly in your direction to acknowledge the small sound, hands twitching as he held the controls. Biting your lip, you looked away and fussed with the straps of your seat, the buckle was stuck yet again. Kylo had already landed the shuttle, going through the motions as the engines died and it began to wind down. His buckles slipped off with ease and he made no move to help as he passed your struggling form. Instead of feeling relieved, your cheeks burned with embarrassment, hands trembling as they pushed against the adjoining piece. Angrily, you dug your fingers into the buckle, the piece finally coming loose as Kylo lowered the loading ramp. You stood from the seat, instinctively wiping the ghost of tears on your cheeks despite there being no wetness, and followed mutely behind Kylo. 

A group of men collectively stood away from the landing zone, all wearing that dark charcoal military rank uniform with different decorations of medallions. Some wore black capes that draped only over one shoulder. They all stood before the ramp, a red headed man leading in the center sneered as he regarded Kylo, his lip curling as he watched you follow in his shadow. Behind him, the admirals and lieutenants were stony faced, no sign of the silent contempt and displeasure. Their fear, however, was tangible. 

“Back so soon from wasting time and playing games in space, Ren?” He spat, angry green eyes narrowed and aimed at Kylo’s visor. Your eyes darted down to Kylo’s fists as they clenched before the general. 

“Only an ignorant fool like you would believe that my tasks for the Supreme Leader are mere games, General Hux.” His regulator hissed and crackled as he spoke, as if just his words were laced with such power. You nearly cowed from it, the animosity between the two was probably enough to shake the forests of this planet base. Perhaps General Hux’s seething glare would be enough to melt the ice lacing it too. 

“And dragging Rebel trash to this base is all a part of the Supreme Leader’s master plan to rid the galaxy of their insolence?” Hux barked. You nearly flinched at the insult, the whisper of Kylo’s threat to throw you out among the battleship refuse from weeks ago echoing through your inner ears. The blush that had begun to fade was creeping back, your skin hot as both hurt and rage fueled your blood. Kylo began to walk off from the group of men, and you made the smart decision to follow quickly. Hux, of course, trailed immediately after the both of you. 

“Wrong again, General. She’s not a Rebel,” Kylo chastised playfully, as if correcting a pupil. This only seemed to enrage Hux further, and he became ruddier than your cheeks could ever be. 

“Then what is she? A prisoner of war? A spy? A damn courtesan? What importance could she possibly be to the Supreme Leader?” Hux’s hand wrenched your shoulder, spinning you towards him. You cried out from the force of it, stumbling back a few steps as the jacket slipped off one of your shoulders. The tattoos uncovered by your sleeve were stark against the light of the hangar and Hux’s eyes trailed down your skin to behold them. He was still trying to decipher that ancient code when Kylo’s dark gloved hand pushed violently against his chest. 

Hux was pushed back a few feet, air forced out hard from his lungs. Before Hux could prepare himself, Kylo gripped the front of his uniform and pulled him close. Hux’s hands wrapped around Kylo’s as his eyes burned with emerald fire. It felt as if a thunderstorm had hovered in the hangar, electricity crackling between the two men. 

You had figured that Hux’s force was different from Kylo’s. It was nothing personal; his nature was rough and unpleasant to begin with. There was a deep hatred that had settled inside of him from years of neglect and misplaced ambition. Not like how when Kylo was rough with you; every touch from him, it seemed, was deliberate. He was meant to be felt. In Kylo’s case, there was something inside of him that had turned unsavory and dark; something that was originally pure and unscathed before it morphed into hurt and betrayal. You could see it in the Command Shuttle. You could hear it in the small things he said. So when Hux touched you…

“Keep your hands off her,” Kylo enunciated darkly. It may as well have been a roar that echoed through the high ceiling and walls of the hangar, for Hux straightened and let his hands drop. Though his eyes still raged with emotion, Hux composed himself. It was now Kylo who seemed unhinged, hunched and panting as his frame shook with that dark power under his skin. Hux merely locked his eyes with that thin visor of Kylo’s helmet. After what seemed to be several minutes, something emboldened you, maybe the rage that had previously ran in your veins from Hux’s words was kicking up again at the sight of Kylo’s oddly overprotective nature. 

“I’m fine. Let him go, Kylo.” In seconds, Kylo’s body tensed but his hand dropped from Hux’s suit. Hux let his eyes lead away from Kylo to your marks again, and you quickly pulled the jacket back up your shoulder. You looked away from Hux’s gaze only for your eyes to fall on Kylo as he stalked away from Hux and towards you. 

“You are to address me as Commander Ren. Remember your place, Captain,” Kylo hissed. Your brows furrowed in frustration at his sudden turn on you and you made to speak but thought better of it, your own fists trembling and clenched at your side. Blowing out air through your nose, you looked away from him too, following after him as he left the hangar. All the while, until you turned a corner in the hallway, you could feel General Hux’s eyes still on you. 

You knew just from first glance that the Starkiller base was bigger than the battleship you’d previously been imprisoned in but you could barely wrap your head around how big it truly was. Kylo turned hallway, after hallway, after hallway, your normal sense of direction and sharp memory becoming lost in the sheer size of the place. It was hard to keep track of it all as you continued to follow Kylo. You nearly wanted to sob in frustration as you lost count when you realized you passed a window. 

Just another split second of snow and greenery and you were lost in it, any numbers or directions dissipating like snowflakes in the air beyond the glass. You stopped before it, eyes locked on the rough brown bark of the closest tree. Notches randomly riddled the trunk, it’s bark gnarled and a deep umbre hue that was nearly black. Thin branches were scattered along the top and mid section, carrying rich green needle-like leaves that feathered out alongside them and were dusted with glittering snow. It also blanketed the ground, occasional grey stones peaking through the thick icy covering. Your hand reached out slowly, the biting cold of the glass stealing the heat from your fingertips. Something deep in you yearned to touch the trees, to feel it’s toughness and know you were standing on sure ground. Weeks had passed by and all you knew was floating. You missed earth and dirt, the sweet aroma of atmosphere and unforgiving elements. You missed Rhodes and freedom and—

Some soft force tugged at the back of your neck and you leapt back from the glass. Your hand flew to the nape of your neck where the small hairs stood up but felt no touch there. Heart racing, you turned down the hallway to see Kylo Ren standing mutely at the end of it. His head cocked slightly to the side as he watched you. You felt no discernible anger within him anymore. If he were angry, he would have surely made it known. He just merely...watched. But that tug, that was Kylo without a doubt. He called for your attention, beckoned you softly in that invisible touch. You didn’t allow yourself one last glance to the outside world before catching up slowly with Kylo, out of fear that you would allow yourself to succumb to it again. He did not turn to continue with the walk through the base. His helmet tilted down to face you as you stopped before him. 

“You miss it,” was all that echoed from the regulator. You swallowed thickly and looked away, arms tucking in as you crossed them. 

“What does it matter what I miss? I thought my convenience wasn’t a concern to you.” 

“Only when your sharp tongue gets the better of you. People aren’t so inclined to help you when they’re called a monster.” Though his voice was soft as he spoke, you could tell your words had gotten to him. Even if he was the most feared person in the galaxy, other than the Supreme Leader, just one small word was enough to chip into those black adamant defenses he’d built around himself. 

“I doubt that was the first time you’ve ever been called one,” you huffed, eyeing the hallway and wishing someone else would walk in to disrupt whatever was happening between the two of you. 

“I’ve been called many things, Captain, and ‘monster’ is not the worst. It was a matter of respect.” 

“Respect?” Your head snapped back to face him, eyes narrowing angrily, “You want respect from me after all you’ve done?” Kylo’s fists tightened by his side, and you suddenly remembered the haunting words on the Command Shuttle. You were, indeed, due for a punishment from him. Torture, probably. 

“Yes, I do. Even if the Sith marks are the only thing keeping the First Order from killing you, respect should be given to someone who’s showing a fair amount of...restraint. Not to mention stuck with watching you.” 

“Well I’m so sorry you’re stuck babysitting ‘Rebel trash’, Commander Ren,” you huffed mockingly, cheeks burning as you turned the opposite direction. Something in the air had changed, you could feel the fire of the argument die on Kylo’s end. The whisper of his cloak and your beating heart was all that filled your ears. Eerie quiet hung in the hallway, not even the hiss of Kylo’s mechanical breaths came from behind you. It was as if the both of you were holding your breath in your lungs, unsure of what to say; both of you were waiting for the other to break the hold of the silence, of being frozen in this moment. Neither of you moved, let alone spoke. 

You contemplated using this moment to manipulate Kylo. There was a familiar understanding of hurt and rejection between the two of you that seemed to keep him unfocused, emotional even. It was as if you were back inside of the Command Shuttle, so unfamiliar to that odd gentle nature of his that you’d never seen nor heard of. It was intimacy beyond what you could even comprehend and you had no idea what it meant. Whether it was due to these unorthodox circumstances or a genuine connection between you and Kylo, you needed to use it to your advantage. After all, he was still a murderer. Kylo Ren was still a monster. He’d crept into your dreams and held you captive in your own mind, hurt you, insulted you, and left you. 

Two weeks in utter solitary confinement nearly drove you mad; were it not for your resilience and will to escape, what would you have become? If he’d left you longer by yourself, no touch, sound, or anything from another person, how long would it have taken for you to lose your mind? Perhaps it was all just a tactic for your cooperation. You were after all, no longer in cuffs. Running away had been a dangerous risk, the memory of Kylo’s anger in that moment still as fresh as the events on the Command Shuttle hours ago.

You decided it then and there that you had to do absolutely whatever it took to get out. Using Kylo was not beneath you, not after all that he’s done. The alternative was far worse. Rhodes was still out there. Hell, maybe you’d even join the Rebellion after this, as a spy. The silence had gone on for minutes, in the far right you could see the edges of the window and let a smile ease upon your lips before becoming stony faced again. You would make it out of here. So you broke the silence.

“I suppose we should be heading to some torture room, right? After what’s happened, you’ll be wanting to finish your interrogation,” you bit your lip and turned, your crossed arms hugging your body loosely as you kept your eyes trained away. In the corner of them, you could see Kylo’s shoulders drooping. He released a long sigh and turned, starting his way down the remainder of the hallway.

“Not today,” he merely said, “We’ll start back up tomorrow morning. I have matters to attend to now that we’re back.” The onyx cloak rippled behind him as he walked briskly, and your arms dropped to your sides as you nearly jogged to keep up. 

“What matters?” You asked breathlessly. 

“Nothing that particularly concerns you,” Kylo said simply. He was being short with you and you stiffened slightly. Had he read your mind? Could he already read into the moves you were putting into place? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d just allowed himself into your innermost thoughts. You were caught between chastising yourself for not remembering and wondering what you could even do to defend yourself against abilities like his. 

You decided to remain quiet, and stay on Kylo’s good side while he was still at some level of human decency. There was no certain bite or aggravation to his words but you had to remember your plan and play it safe. Following him mutely down another dizzying amount of hallways and elevators, you wondered what sort of interrogations would be held tomorrow. The fact that it was even an interrogation to begin with was absurd. You had already told Kylo pretty much everything you knew, minus the minor details to protect your hide and Rhodes’. What was left to tell him? Surely your lack of Sith knowledge and Sarrassian history was evident when you spoke to Kylo that first time. 

Unless he wanted to study the marks that marred your body. 

A chill tickled its way down your spine at the thought of it. 

Kylo stopped abruptly, grand charcoal steel doors before you, even dwarfing Kylo’s frame. A keypad was snugly attached to the side of the threshold of the doors, and he merely waved his hand over it. The doors slid to the sides automatically. He pushed forward and you followed again, eyeing the buttons decorating the pad. He must have used the Force, you thought to yourself. This hallway was different from the others. This large corridor was utterly empty with ornate doors on each end. Save for a smaller door on the left side. It was seemingly halfway into the corridor, a smaller more simple keypad with a mere slit for sliding a key into. Kylo paused before it and turned to you. 

“This is where you’ll be staying.” 

“Where exactly are we?” You asked, realizing this corridor had no other doors, and no guards standing in place. 

“Private quarters. You won’t be bothered here, unless you need something. A droid will come by to bring whatever you may need.” His hand went under the cloak and pulled out an oddly shaped black key. Its head was wide and square, while the rest stretched out in a long rectangle, and it was attached to a small black lanyard. You took the key in your hands, small enough to fit in your palms and you closed your fist around it. 

“Is it just me here?” You asked softly, eyes trained on your closed fist. 

“No, my room is on the other end of the corridor.” Your skin blanched as you leaned slightly to the side to see how far the other large doors were. Far, but not far enough. 

“Keeping your enemies close?” You attempted to joke. It felt odd to make light of your imprisonment but you didn’t want to anger Kylo too much. 

“It’s convenient when it comes to travelling through the base. We are the only two people on Starkiller allowed on this level. That’s what the key is for. Plus,” he waved his hand over that simple keypad and the locks clicked open, the door opening to a bright room, “It is the only other room on this base with windows.” 

Before he even said it, you saw the light through the glass, trees and snow covering the ground for miles. Your fist tightened on the key as emotions fought and wrestled in your heart. You wanted to hate Kylo Ren, and most of the time he had made it an easy feat. It was easy to remember all the horrors he’d done but here, standing at the threshold of a large room that was decorated and comfortably styled, it was hard to hold it against him. 

“Why,” was all you could say. You refused to blink, eyes watering from the dryness, scared that blinking or looking away would mean you’d never see sunlight again. 

“No particular reason,” Kylo brushed off, “I have to get going. Dinner will be brought to you tonight.” He waited until you stepped inside the door before closing it behind you. 

Without missing a beat, you darted towards the window, nearly smacking your entire body into it as you slammed your palms into the thick glass. The windows were floor to ceiling, large and took up the whole far wall. You stood there until the shadows of the trees began to face the east. You were content to sit there forever, not even caring about anything else in the room until the door slid open again and you scrambled away from the glass. A droid hummed as it came in, rolling a cart with it. 

“Dinner,” it’s deep robotic voice said. You felt a whisper of sadness as you realized how guilty you felt. It opened the cart and placed trays on a desk on one of the side walls, while you stood watching by the windows. It beeped a deep tone before turning and leaving you by yourself again. You slowly tore yourself from the windows, the containers of food different than the silver tray platters on the battleship. The trays were darker, and the compartments deeper, square bowl-like containers. They held meat, bread, and vegetables, all steaming as you took off the flat lids connected to the trays. 

You needed to stop being guilty, you thought as you shoveled food into your mouth. It was even better here than on the ship. Swallowing, you opened up your jacket, taking out the papers you’d saved and went through them, the information sketched on them now useless. You’d spared no room to write more and now you were stuck with them. Where were you going to get rid of them? Huffing, you finished your food quietly and looked around the room to find the similarities and differences of the other room you’d stayed in. 

This room was much bigger, for one. It didn’t feel closed off, dark and small like a cave. A whole wall of windows and larger dimensions had ensured the open feel of the room. The bed had dark wood posts, black and grey sheets and thick pillows. There was still a nightstand with drawers on the side closest to the door, along with a dark dresser by the desk you sat at. Near the windows, there was a door that you were sure would lead to a washroom. It opened as you walked up, displaying a larger standing shower, frosted glass and black tile decorating it. A large vanity was across it, a clawfoot tub on the other side of the wall. Avoiding the mirror, you walked back into the room, checking the dresser for something to sleep in. Pulling out oversized sweatpants and shedding your jacket, you tucked it into the space between the wall and the dresser, and went back to the windows. You sat against the glass, shivering as its cold touch seeped through your thin shirt and exposed skin. As the night came, your eyes slowly fell closed, hugging your knees loosely to your chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I want to say a huge apology for this unexpected hiatus and to make things better I've been writing like crazy to send out a few chapters for this week! Next week the schedule will remain as it was, with only one chapter being released every Friday evening. Thank you so much for supporting me and this fic! Hope you are all enjoying it!


	8. The Sith Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While your new accommodations on Starkiller have been nice, you knew it was only a matter of time before things went wrong. You've been dreading the second part of your interrogation with Kylo Ren and the punishments he's seemingly forgotten even more.

You woke just as dawn broke, your head still leaned against the cool glass of the windows. A sharp jolt of pain shot through your neck and shoulders as you lifted yourself from the glass, joints and bones screaming from the effort. It probably wasn’t wise to sleep against the floor and windows, and you looked over to the wide bed beside you, still made and untouched by you. 

Rubbing the back of your neck, you winced as you made your way to the shower, pulling out a white fluffy towel from an alcove carved out of the walls and pulled open the frosted shower door. Turning the knobs, you waited for the heavy stream of water to steam up. You hung the towel from a hook by the shower door and shed your clothes, kicking them into a small pile. Steam from the shower began to stick to your skin and you climbed into the shower, groaning in ecstasy as the steady scalding streams pummeled your aching muscles. 

You washed thoroughly and quickly, unsure of how early your interrogation with Kylo would be. Towelling yourself off, you wrapped it around yourself, hair dripping rivulets of water on your skin. You picked up your clothes from the pile before the shower and placed them into a tucked in bin by the vanity. The glass of the mirror was fogged and you left the bathroom before it could dissipate, finding a folded pile of clothes atop the bed; the plates and trays on the desk were cleared off and placed with new covered ones. 

Your stomach rumbled as you could smell the food, the room significantly brighter as the sun shone through the trees. Golden dappled light settled on the dark sheets, and you ran your fingers across the fabric. Filing through the clothes, you found you’d been given a thin grey tee and similar black pants as yesterday. You’d hoped that the selection was just regular fashion of the First Order and not something that Kylo himself had picked out. Holding up the basic white undergarments given to you, you figured the former. A small smile cracked upon your lips as you dressed; it couldn't have been Kylo, he was probably a fan of lace. 

Tucking in the grey shirt into your pants, you stood over the desk and pulled off the tops of the trays, popping cut fruit into your mouth. If you thought the dinner was good last night, the breakfast was somehow even better. Sweet and tart berries burst with flavor on your tongue and you hummed in contentment, padding to the bathroom to find a brush for your hair. After opening some cabinets in the bathroom you found one, and ran it through your semi-dry hair, working it into its usual plait down your back. The steam had cleared up from the mirror, your reflection moving as you tied up your plait and threw it over your shoulder. You sighed, and looked up. 

It was odd, seeing yourself and not recognizing the girl in the reflection. Even more so that she had the same face, hair and body. But of course, the one tell of your difference were the black marks covering your skin. You allowed yourself this one time to truly study the symbols. They were unlike any you’d ever recognized before, and yet it felt as if you knew what they meant. Some minute part of you knew the meaning of the symbols. The same part that heated like liquid fire in your blood, that rose with your now short temper. It was probably what Kylo wanted from you. 

You sighed softly, tearing your gaze from the mirror and pushing stray hairs behind your ears. The interrogation with Kylo today was more daunting than you’d let on. You weren’t sure if he’d remembered about what he’d threatened on the Command Shuttle. Maybe he’d let it go as you hadn’t done anything too infuriating since your argument. Perhaps the interrogation would just be a rehashing on what happened on Sarrassia. Whatever it was, you couldn’t allow it to stop your escape plans. You had much to do; there were too many factors that you relied on to get out. You couldn’t afford distractions. Walking out of the bathroom, you went back to the tray of food, scooping up a forkful of eggs into your mouth. 

“You’re up early.” You coughed, hand flying up to your lips as you choked on the eggs. Your head whipped around towards the bed, seeing Kylo Ren standing near the posts at the foot of the bed. His arms were crossed, biceps bulging through the dark fabric of his clothes. You tried to ignore it as you continued coughing down the eggs. 

“Ever knock?” You gasped, hands braced on the edge of the desk. 

“No,” Kylo said simply, “Finish up, we’ll be leaving soon.” He turned, settling on the edge of the bed. You rolled your eyes, shoveling the rest of the eggs into your mouth and finishing off the fruit. You poured yourself a glass of water and took a few sips, eyes on Kylo when he rose from the bed.

“Let’s go.” He began walking and you quickly grabbed the key for the room, pushing it into your pocket and following him. Kylo walked at a brisk pace, his long legs escorting you faster than you could follow. You panted softly as you struggled to keep up, not having nearly enough time to count the hallways nor figure out the direction you were going.

“Are there going to be others coming for the interrogation?” You asked breathlessly.

“No, there’s no need for a panel.” Kylo replies over his shoulder. You frowned behind him, wishing that it wouldn’t just be you and him confined to a small room. He stopped before a set of double metal doors, waving away a sentry that stood beside it. 

“Leave us,” he ordered, the doors opening as he stepped towards it. You looked into the room, finding a metal chair of sorts claiming the middle of it. A chill fluttered down your spine as you imagined being examined like some sort of specimen by various masked scientists, your bare skin prodded and touched as they attempted to record and translate the code etched on your body. You paused just before it, Kylo standing silently across from you. The doors hissed closed.

“Sit.” 

You took a step back from it, panic rising in you. “No.”

“It’s non-negotiable. Sit,” Kylo repeated. You eyed the clasps on the arms of the chair, remembering the burn of tight cuffs on you from yesterday. There were still angry pink marks around your wrists from it. Swallowing thickly, you edged yourself onto the seat, cold metal seeping into the fabric of your pants. Kylo huffed impatiently and a gloved hand pushed you back by your chest, the metal cuffs immediately locking around your wrists. You wriggled against their hold, hands flexing and splaying as you tried to lift them from the restraints. 

“Stop resisting,” Kylo said coldly. You grit your teeth as his callousness, eyes turned towards that thin visor. 

“Fine,” you say aggravatedly, “There’s nothing that you don’t already know; I’ve already told you everything.” You shifted uncomfortably in the seat, metal digging into your wrists and back. 

“I doubt that,” Kylo says, kneeling down by you, “Now relax, or this will hurt.” His helmet was mere inches from you, a gloved hand cupping the side of your face as you flinched. His fore and middle finger dug into your temple lightly, and a sudden searing pain clammered through your skull. 

“W-what are you doing?” You cried out through gritted teeth, your jaw locking from the pain. Your entire body trembled from the intensity of it, a sweat breaking out over your skin. 

“Your mind is being scoured. It’s not usually a painful process. I told you to relax.” Your muscles ached from tensing, spasming as your lungs constricted. Black spots grew in your vision as you began to lose consciousness. Kylo’s voice rumbled in your ears but you could no longer discern words from the sounds. Eventually, you succumbed. 

Flashes of memories replayed in your head, as if they were thrown onto a screen. Small flickers from your childhood skipped over, longer scenes of your trading days, and finally your screams from inside the pod from weeks ago rang in your ears. You wanted to turn away as you watched the book burn itself onto you once again. The marks on your skin glowed red before dying in black texture-less symbols. You wanted to fight against Kylo’s intrusion into your memories, disgusted at how easy it was for your innermost secrets and memories to be spilled out of your subconscious like paint thrown on a wall. 

You felt for that intrusive presence, the ghost of fingers that held your mind and pulled bits and pieces of information like hands picking flowers. The whispers of leather and smoke curled around your thoughts and seeped into every crevice of your brain. It was frustrating to be a prisoner in your own body, the rage you felt was white hot, like a million suns fueling your blood. As the heat rose, you gained conscious feeling in your physical body; you could feel your fingers curl and splay out, sweat sticking to the leather glove still flush against your cheek. In an instant, your eyes were open, and your own hand was centimeters away from Kylo’s helmet, his other hand around your uncuffed wrist. 

If it was possible to glimpse surprise and shock through the empty facade of a helmet, you were sure you could see it now. 

Your right hand shook from the effort it had taken to lift out of the cuff, the lock open and swinging off its hinges. The silence in the room felt thick, only your heavy pants and the crackling of Kylo’s helmet audible. You were unsure of how you’d managed to get out of the chair cuff, too afraid to even consider the possibilities as your heart pattered wildly in your chest. His fingers tightened around your wrist painfully, and you fought the urge to cry out. You both sat frozen, eyes unwavering on each other; you waited fearfully for some sort of retaliation. 

“Interesting,” was all that whirred from the helmet’s regulator. Kylo released your hand from his grip, and you clutched it close to your chest as you gasped in pain. 

“Find what you were looking for?” You asked, your voice betraying you as it was laced with hurt, both emotional and physical. 

“Yes,” Kylo started, unlocking the other wrist from the cuff and holding your hand in his own, “And then some.” 

“How could you just invade my head like that?” Your voice broke and heat rose in your body as frustration crackled in your chest. The things he saw...it was too personal. “Those memories...they’re personal! They had nothing to do with whatever you were looking for.” He’d seen years and years into your past, even if they were mere flashes lasting faster than a second. He knew more about you than even Rhodes did at this point. Your heart sank as you realized he probably glimpsed into your torrid and unsure relationship with Rhodes. Every touch, glance, and moment in between. He saw what happened on the ship before you sent it to Kijimi. You said you’d been alone. 

“It’s nothing personal. This is an interrogation.” 

“Bullshit, you saw more than you would ever need to!” You argued, sitting up in your chair and snatching your hand away from his. His hands curled into fists and shook with a silent rage, as if your repulsion to his touch angered him. 

“It’s a necessary process to discern if you’re telling the truth.” You could just hear the scowl in Kylo’s voice, and you wished you could slap that damn helmet off his head. What a coward, you thought, to get to hide behind that absurd mask. 

“Are you going to sit there and insult me as if I can’t hear you?” Kylo spat, his hand darting out to grip your chin and yank your head close to his helmeted face. Your hands braced against his shoulders to push him off of you. 

“Let go of me!” Your nails scraped against hot flesh and you immediately recoiled, eyes wide as you realized your fingers had managed to dig into his cowl and scratch him. Kylo hissed in pain, a hand going up to the side of his neck, his grip on you loose. You took the opportunity to push some distance between the two of you, stumbling off the chair and to the opposite wall of him. Heavy pants left you as your chest heaved for air, desperate to fill your spasming lungs. Kylo straightened fully, his large frame nearly encompassing in the small room. Your hands braced against the cool metal wall, its temperature comforting to you as every nerve in your body burned at that same foreign intensity it had since you’d first touched the book. 

“No more,” you gasped out, a bead of sweat trickling down the side of your temple, “Please, no more.” 

“You don’t get to decide when we finish,” Kylo growled darkly, his frame stalking towards you, “You unlocked yourself out of those cuffs. You’re going to do it again for me.” He was close enough to grab you, his hand fisting around the thin fabric of your shirt and bringing you dangerously close. Your chest was pressed against his, Kylo’s ragged breath caught in the hiss of the regulator. 

“You don’t realize what a gift you’ve been given.” 

“G-gift?” You stutter incredulously. “This isn’t a gift, this is a curse.” 

“What do you know of the Force, Captain?” Kylo asked impatiently as you struggled uncomfortably. Your hands gripped Kylo’s forearm and wrist as the tips of your feet still fought to remain on the ground. 

“Barely anything,” you answered truthfully as you could, not wanting another scour into your innermost secrets again, “Just that it was something the Jedi used. I guess the Sith, too. But all the Jedi were killed and the remaining Sith were supposedly killed in the Battle of Endor. I don’t know anything else, I swear.” 

“Your lack of knowledge is not surprising. It’s also partly wrong.” 

“Listen, I only traded old Jedi weapons, it wasn’t in the job description to be a historian,” you argued, “I just had to be a good pilot and a good shot.” 

“I suppose I’ll have to fill you in,” Kylo states coldly, his hands still strong on their grip, and the back of your neck burned as the fabric pulled hard against it. “Lesson one,” he starts, releasing you without warning and you stumble as your weight distributes back into the pads of your feet, “The Force is energy. It’s distributed all around us. The Force is what binds us all together, all life, inorganic and organic material found in the galaxy is made up or entwined with the Force. Sit.” He points to the chair behind him, and you slowly skirt around him to make it back to the chair, sitting on its edge with your hands in your lap. 

“There are people in this world that are born with an innate connection to the Force. They’re Force-sensitive. The Jedi are zealot peacekeepers. They use the Force to protect and balance the galaxy in their rule. Decades ago, they were a strong order, but they were blind and proud and were ultimately eradicated. They did not believe in attachments, in letting your emotions fuel your power. The Jedi were weak.” 

Your brows furrowed slightly as Kylo circled the chair, facing in front of him as he relayed the information to you. This didn’t sound right at all. You’d always heard stories of the brave Jedi knights that protected the innocent and brought peace to warring systems. You figured that Kylo’s teachings would prove to be biased, as he was First Order and his interests peaked when it came to Sith relics. Shifting in your seat, you stared at your clasped hands and continued to listen. 

“The Sith were different,” Kylo continued, “They were stronger. The Sith believed in channeling your emotions to strengthen your bond to the Force. The Dark Side of the Force. Passion, anger, ambition, it was all the same. It made you stronger. It opened up endless possibilities to you once you let go of the Jedi teachings. There are practices that were forbidden to the Jedi, inhumane and perverse rituals and teachings that worked against the natural order of things. Many Sith used these practices for their own personal gain. But I will use them to form our new empire...But yes, the Sith were defeated too,” Kylo paused, his tall frame looming behind you in the chair. You could see his shadow edging closer as he leaned in to study the symbols you were sure curled through the span of your shoulders. 

“This book,” he breathed as you tensed, your nails digging purple crescents into your palms, “Has millennia of ancient Sith alchemy practices. Forbidden practices. And here you are, a living tome of ancient history.”

“So the gift I’ve been given is being a walking book of forbidden Sith practices? It doesn’t seem much like a gift to me.” You say shakily, peeking at the black curves and lines that edged your wrist. 

“No, the marks aren’t your gift,” Kylo straightens and paces in front of you, “You’re Force-sensitive now.” Your head immediately snaps up to gape at him, jaw open in pure shock. 

“Force-sensitive? Me? Is that...is that how I got out of the cuffs?” You question, your voice growing quieter by the end of your sentence. Kylo’s head merely nods in response. 

“This isn’t a gift,” you murmur to yourself in horror. This wasn’t a gift at all. You didn’t want this ability; you were perfectly happy with who you used to be. You didn’t want to wield lightsabers and make things move and unlock on their own. You just wanted to go home. You so, so desperately wanted to go home. 

“Whatever you take it as, it’s still a gift. It is extremely rare to be born with such abilities and here you’ve been bestowed with it. I looked into your past, you were not born with that innate connection. You can learn how to wield it,” Kylo paused, turning away from you, “I could teach you.” 

“I don’t want to learn,” you say bluntly. 

“It would be a waste of talent,” Kylo argues, stepping close to you, “I can feel how strong you are. I know that fire in your blood. There’s potential in you to be one of the strongest Siths in the galaxy.” 

“A Sith?” You asked incredulously. “I don’t want to be a Sith or a Jedi or whatever else there is! I don’t even see what you could possibly want from me other than to use me as some sort of weapon in this war. I just,” you paused to angrily wipe tears from your blurring eyes, “I just want to go home. I don’t want any part of this war anymore. I’m tired. You’ve seen into my head, you know my memories and dreams. I’m not First Order, and I’m no rebel. I’m just me; I’m just useless. This book probably would have burned any illegal trader with enough balls to make it to Sarrassia. Just because I did it doesn’t make me any more special than the next guy. You could just transcribe every symbol on my damn body and let me go.” You enunciated the last part, hoping that Kylo could see you were serious.

Every day you spent stuck in some ship or some room on a base, even with the windows, a little piece of your soul was chipped away and replaced with that burning hot ore. There was a fire inside of you now, and you’d known it for weeks, felt it as it crackled and hissed in the darkest part of your heart. You knew you would never be rid of it, that if you escaped you would just have to live with that scorching ember threatening to swallow you whole. Even if Kylo could train you to control it, to control the Force, you were sure it would be at the cost of the destruction of the galaxy. You didn’t care if he allowed you to leave, or if kept the transcripts of the symbols to help in destroying everything the Rebel Alliance fought for. You’d rather die free with Rhodes in a rain of fire, than live to see it destroyed. At least with the former, you wouldn’t be alone. 

“No.” Kylo rumbled coldly. That was the only answer he offered you. 

“Then are we finished?” You asked, fingers running tiredly through stray strands of hair. 

“No. I haven’t forgotten about your punishments,” Kylo stated indelicately, “They’re quite overdue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting one more chapter for this week after Chapter 8! It will be posted this Friday evening! My initial plans for this fic was NOT to make it slowburn so I apologize for that haha. I just feel like you guys deserve a really good build up and it's totally not because it's been a while since I've written pure smut :,)


	9. Overdue Punishments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spoke too soon, Kylo has not forgotten about your punishments. In fact, you've probably made it even worse. It seems that even your soft moments with him have not curbed his fury for your disobedience.

Your mouth dried and you swallowed thickly, suddenly very aware of how close Kylo was to you. The room heated by several degrees as you remembered the closeness of his chest on yours, his knee pushing against yours and the cool steel of the helmet on your face. You could even feel the ghost of his fingers between your thighs and over your breasts as he fastened the buckles over you on the Command Shuttle. He said he’d had a punishment for you, and your filthy mouth. What sort of punishment could he possibly have in store for you?

“They can’t wait another day, maybe?” You asked in vain. A deep breath loosened from Kylo’s chest and he leaned in close, one gloved hand tucking under your chin to lift it. It wasn’t necessarily rough, but it demanded to be felt, to be obeyed. You didn’t resist. 

“No. But seeing as we’ve spent nearly all day here,” the pad of Kylo’s thumb rubs over your bottom lip and a dark full blush blooms over your cheeks as the leather catches on the plump skin, “It can wait until after dinner.” He released your chin, its absence leaving you cold and empty. You barely addressed that your time in the room with Kylo had amounted to several hours. Just how long had it taken for him to scour your memories? And everything after?

“After dinner?” You asked numbly. 

“Yes, you haven’t eaten all day.” He said simply. 

“Are you taking me back to the room?” 

“No, you’ll be dining with me,” Kylo stated, walking away from the chair and you lifted off it, following. 

“With you?” You queried. 

“Yes, there’s a dining hall close by. It will not be occupied while we are using it. We’ll return here after.” The doors opened and a newly stationed sentry jolted to stand at attention. He murmured a greeting to Kylo Ren, who paid no mind to it but lifted and curled his fingers over his shoulders in a “come hither” motion, gesturing for you to follow. You swallowed thickly again, unable to clear the sticky dryness from your throat. How could he be so nonchalant? Probably because he’s not the one with punishments to suffer. He said it as if this was all some game to him, when just moments before he was content on actively participating in your misery. 

What sort of torture were you to endure? Was it more psychological warfare? Creating nightmares so real you’d lose your mind and succumb to darkness? Would he use the Force to bend and break your body until you submitted to him and trained with him? Your thoughts became tangential as you followed Kylo, and you wondered if he was even capable of training you. While Kylo showed his disdain for the Jedi, he sure knew a lot about them. He said it himself, the Sith were killed off too, so the question struck you again: what was he? A turned Jedi Knight? A Sith? 

Was he neither, just a fanatic of the Force who happened to come across lightsaber technology? It wasn’t too long ago when the Jedi died out, even if Kylo said they died out generations ago. You could still remember rumblings of Jedi practices when you were younger, only realizing years later in Kijimi that they’d completely died out. Why would Kylo tell you they died out decades ago? There was something that just wasn’t adding up the more you pondered it. Something that connected Kylo Ren to both the Jedi Order and the Siths. 

“We’re here.” You looked up, peering past Kylo’s frame to see an empty dining hall, tables and chairs arranged in the room neatly. Along the sides of the room were large serving dishes of various foods. Kylo walked in without a word, heading towards the food. He picked up a white plate, scooping up seasoned meat, with steaming vegetables and bread. He handed the plate to you. 

“Here.” He said softly, grabbing for a clear glass and walking to go fill it up.. You stood awkwardly holding the plate, but eventually went to grab utensils out of a chrome holder. Walking to a random table, you sat and stared at the steaming plate of food. What sort of game was Kylo playing at? From arguing back in the interrogation room to fixing you a plate of food, your head was beginning to spin. It was hard to tell what he was going to do next, and your nerves were at its peak when he sat across from you at the table, settling a glass of water by your plate. 

“You’re not eating,” Kylo stated. You refused to meet his eye but grabbed your fork, beginning to spear vegetables onto the prongs. Kylo crossed his arms as you silently ate, and you made for the glass of water, taking a deep sip in hopes to help your dry throat push the food down. 

“What about you? Surely you’re hungry.” You asked around a bite of bread. Kylo tensed slightly, his shoulders straightening as he kept his gaze on you. 

“Not at the moment,” Kylo bristled as he spoke. A soft hum of disbelief left you, and you tore the bread roll, swirling it in the sauce from the meat. Despite your apprehension for the punishments after dinner, and your meal almost finished, you figured it couldn’t get much worse; so you pressed Kylo.

“Is it a helmet thing?”

“What?”

“Is it a helmet thing? Do you not take off your helmet in front of other people?” Kylo’s gloved hand tightened on his arm, but he remained quiet. The rebellious fire in you sought to cause more trouble, despite your conscience pleading not to. Two sides of you began to war as Kylo sat mutely in front of you. He was testing you. Would you push further? You clenched the fork in your hand tightly, stabbing into a piece of meat. Fuck him.

“Does it even come off or do they feed you through a tube?” You sneered, pushing the plate away. Abruptly, Kylo stood, his chair knocking over behind him. 

“Do not test my patience, girl!” He slammed his hands down on the table, the plate and glass jostling from the force of it. 

“Screw your patience! I’m sick and tired of your games! One minute you’re gearing up to torture me and the next you’re fixing me a damn plate of food. I’m either a prisoner or not, Kylo Ren! So what am I?” You stood too, your fists clenched besides you as you shook with anger and frustration. 

“An insolent prisoner by the sound of it,” Kylo seethed through the helmet, “I promised I would punish that insufferable mouth of yours.”

“Well fine by me! Lead the way!” You threw up your hands, turning around towards the door. You made to walk when suddenly it felt as if they were glued to the ground. Muscles in your body tensed as you tried to fight against the invisible hold on you. Heavy footsteps sounded behind you until Kylo appeared, his large frame bending down to meet your face. His helmet hissed as he leaned in, the metal of it nearly touching your nose. 

“I don’t need an interrogation room to administer your punishments. If you’re feeling so bold, we can do them here.” Kylo’s voice had lowered both in sound and tone, his words rasping out as he spoke. It caused a chill to tremble down your spine, and you glared at Kylo as he kept you still. 

“Fine,” you spat. In a split second, Kylo’s hand gripped your chin roughly, his thumb and fingers splayed over your cheeks painfully. 

“I think I’ll start here,” he murmured, his thumb moving across your lips to pry them apart. The skin of your bottom lip caught on the leather, just as it had in the interrogation room. Without warning, Kylo’s thumb plunged between your lips, leather coating your tongue as he pressed down in it. You grunted in surprise, trying to shake your head out of his grip but he held you firmly. 

“Whether you’re a prisoner,” Kylo leaned in even closer, his thumb pressing further into your mouth until you nearly gagged, “Or a student, I won’t tolerate your disobedience.” The fire in your blood rose again, but not in anger. It was a heat that you’d felt back in the Command Shuttle. A heat that grew in the depths on your stomach, growing in your center as Kylo’s rough hands continued. Kylo’s thumb became slick with your spit, and he rubbed it over your swollen bottom lip. You cursed yourself as your breathing became heavy, a light sheen on sweat breaking out over your forehead and down your back. 

“I think I know just what to do with this mouth of yours.” Kylo’s thumb leaves your lips, a string of spittle connecting them. Your heart begins to pound hard and fast against your ribs, anticipation building in you. 

“Kneel.” 

“W-What?” Your brows furrowed at the order, unsure of what to make of it. Before you could ask anything else, a pressure pushed into the backs of your knees and you fell. Your knees slammed into the hard black surface of the dining hall floor and you winced, already feeling the skin beginning to bruise. Kylo grabbed your face again as you turned it up to glare at him, pushing two fingers against your lips. 

“Open,” he rasped. The fire in your veins swirled and brightened your skin a flushed pink at his words, and you found yourself obeying, lips parting as he pushed his fingers in. The heat in your core dripped down between your legs as the leather covered fingers thrusting in and out of your mouth. Spit covered his fingers and ran down your chin, Kylo’s other hand gripping the back of your head, hair falling out of your plait. 

“Look at you,” Kylo cooed through the helmet, “You like taking orders, don’t you? Deep down, you enjoy this.” He tugged at your hair, the force of it pulling your head back and he pushed his fingers down even deeper. You gagged around them.

“Suck.” If it was possible for the blush in your cheeks to grow deeper, you were sure they’d grown a deep pinkish red hue. However, you found yourself wrapping your lips snugly over the glove, tongue swirling between each digit. Kylo let out a contented groan before pulling them from your lips, an obscene amount of spit dripping down them. His hands went to the buckle of his pants and your gaze lowered to his fingers deftly undoing the zipper. 

“Look at me.” Kylo ordered, and your head snapped back up. You purse your lips.

“Hard to do when you’re wearing a helmet,” you teased, a small smirk growing on your lips as Kylo pulled himself out of his pants. In your peripheral vision, you could see the thick length presented in front of you, Kylo’s hand using your spit to lubricate it as he jerked it up and down slowly. Kylo’s other hand gripped your face.

“You still want to play your little games?” Kylo’s cock was so close to your lips and your mouth watered involuntarily as you imagined it pushing between your lips. However, Kylo’s hand smacked your cheek lightly. It stung slightly and you winced, face turned away until he gripped it again firmly, a rougher intent felt in his touch. 

“Shirt off.” Your breath caught in your throat at the order and your fists clenched from where they rested atop your thighs. Kylo’s grip only tightened painfully at your hesitation.

“Now, slut.” As if something had possessed you, your arms jerked into movement and pulled the hem of your shirt from your pants, untucking it and peeling it from your skin. You tossed it aside, in shock of your brazen actions. Kylo’s fingers eased slightly as he watched your breasts tighten from both the cold air of the room and arousal. Your back arched slightly as Kylo pulled you forward by your chin, your lips pressing against his rock hard cock. 

“Open,” he insisted, your lips parting as the head of his cock rubbed against the surface of your tongue, “Good girl.” Kylo’s praise pleased you, despite being caught between horror and lust. You tasted the salt of pre-cum on your tongue as you sucked Kylo off, your head bobbing back and forth as you worked up and down his cock. Kylo’s hands both fisted in your hair, pushing you down further and further, faster, and faster. You could barely contain yourself, your lust at its peak as you felt your thighs grow damp from sweat and your own arousal; you slipped a hand from your thigh between your legs, parting them slightly as your fingers rubbed against yourself. A moan slipped out of you, vibrating on Kylo’s cock. Just as quick as you’d started touching yourself, your hand was flung away, both of them held by an invisible hold behind your back. You whimpered as the muscles in your shoulders and arms strained, Kylo only pushing his cock further down your throat until his pubic bone pressed against your nose. You gagged on it as it filled your throat.

“Did I say you were allowed to do that?” Kylo paused, his cock sheathed all the way into your mouth. You weren’t sure if that question was rhetorical. You weren’t sure if you should shake your head or attempt to say no around his cock. 

“Perhaps you’ll need more punishments today,” Kylo chuckled darkly, pulling his cock out and yanking you up from under your arm. You stumbled to your feet as he dragged you to the table you’d eaten dinner at, in one sweep of his arm throwing the plate and glass off the table. The clatter of breaking glass rang in the dining hall and you flinched at the sound. He turned back to you, pushing you on top of the table, your back slapping into the hard surface. You groaned as your head hit the unforgiving material, stars in your eyes as Kylo turned your body so that your head was at his hips, hanging off the table. His cock pressed against your lips and you knew better than to keep him waiting. You opened your mouth and Kylo jammed his cock in deep, the angle allowing him even deeper access than before. Kylo leaned forward, his hands reaching out to grip your breasts hard. 

A whimper left your lips from both the rough mouthfucking and Kylo’s leathered hands twisting your sensitive nipples between his fingers. Your hips rose from the table from the mix of pain and pleasure, desperate for any sort of stimulation between your thighs. Kylo smacked your breast hard, before massaging it in his rough hands.

“Lie still and be a good slut.” Kylo continued thrusting hard down your throat, spit dripping down his balls and your jaw aching from accommodating his thick girth. Every vein of his cock brushed past your lips as he fucked your mouth and you wondered how much longer this could possibly last. Not that you weren’t enjoying yourself, to your own horror, but you were so desperate for any sort of stimulation on your end. You were desperate to scratch that itch, and every second you tasted your spit mingled with Kylo’s pre-cum, you could only feel yourself growing more and more aroused. 

It was when you could feel Kylo’s movements become more stuttered, one hand going to your throat to press against it as his cock pushed through it, that you realized he was close. Kylo’s breathing became labored through the helmet and he lifted up his shirt slightly, the dark thatch of hair at his pubic bone trailing up near his belly button. Tan skin that occasionally hosted a freckle or two, cut and riddled with muscle and scars from years of battle. You’d become so mesmerized by studying Kylo, you were caught off guard when he grabbed you and flipped you on your stomach. 

“Get on all fours and suck my cock,” he ordered breathlessly, and you obeyed, arching your back as you settled on all fours. You went back to taking nearly the entire length down your throat, a hand wrapping around the base and jerking it. You moaned without abandon as you felt Kylo’s hands grip your hair, his breaths becoming short moans as he grew closer and closer.

“Fuck, suck my cock like the little whore you are,” he groaned, and you wondered if it was in fact, your filthy mouth that needed fixing as Kylo spewed profanities. In seconds, Kylo growled loudly, the sound alone enough to cause his whole body to rumble as he came down your throat.

“Swallow it.” He ordered, fucking your mouth slowly until the end. His cock was still semi hard when he pulled it from your swollen and pink lips, and he tucked it away into his pants, straightening himself up. You sat back on your legs on top of the table, the true actions of this moment not entirely hitting you just yet. Wiping your chin with the back of your hand, you sat mutely until you noticed Kylo bending over to pick up your discarded shirt. He didn’t hand it to you, but placed it on top of the table and straightened his helmet. 

“Fix yourself. I’ll be back in a few moments.” He walked towards the closed doors of the dining hall and disappeared to gods’ knew where. You sat still for a few more moments before pulling your shirt back on and tucking it in. Running your hands through your loose plait, you merely took the fasten and stuffed it in your pocket, your hair coming down your back You frowned, looking down at your arms. 

You hadn’t even really thought about your marks, how exposed they were in front of Kylo. The heat left your body as quick as it came as the realization hit you. What have you done? The doors swung open again, and this time Kylo waited at the threshold. 

“Let’s go.” His voice echoed in the dining hall, and you straightened your shirt before following. You remained quiet as you followed Kylo through barely recognizable hallways. It went on in silence for several minutes until you both reached those large ornate doors that led to both of your rooms. 

“You’re quiet,” Kylo said, waving his hand over the keypad and walking in once the doors opened. You didn’t bother replying to that either, a tired numbness falling over you as you reached your door. Ignoring Kylo, you pulled the key from your pocket, making towards the slit in the keypad. A hand slammed into the wall above the pad, and Kylo pressed in close to you. 

“Answer me.” Kylo demanded. You turned slowly, staring at his heaving chest. 

“You’re going to train me to be a Sith, aren’t you?” You accused him. “You’re not even going to give me a choice.” Kylo’s fist curled and he pulled his arm back, raring to strike. You flinched, expecting the leather to hit your skin, until it rammed hard into the metal of the wall next to you. Your eyes fluttered open as you watched Kylo tremble. 

“No, you lost your choice when you decided to waste your gift.” Kylo backed away, beginning to turn away. “It starts next week.” 

“Why next week?” You call out after him. 

“I have matters to attend to.” 

“As usual,” you grumble, turning back to the keypad and cursing your shaking hands as they try to stick the key in. In the edge of your vision, you could see the dent in the wall made by Kylo's fist, and finally open your room door just as Kylo disappears through his. You close your door quickly behind you, rushing to the bathroom. 

You shed off your shirt as you make towards the claw foot tub, turning on the handles. As the water ran, slowly filling up the tub, you found soap in another small alcove and left it by the tub. You shed the rest of your clothes quickly, ignoring the uncomfortable peel of your undergarments from between your legs. Taking a shaky breath, you waited for the tub to fill, your hands curled around the edge of the vanity counter. 

Your eyes shone in the bright light, gaze hard on yourself as you surveyed your still blushed cheeks and tingling lips. Scrutinizing the marks on your skin as well, you couldn’t help it when your eyes began to well. What have you done? 

Wave after wave of endless guilt drowned you as tears fell down your cheeks. You’d wanted it, there was no doubt there. Well...maybe some at first. But you couldn’t help but enjoy what happened in the dining hall. A war inside of your head began to spark as you were caught between that cold guilt and the heat of desire for Kylo. You knew it was only a matter of time before you succumbed truly to that hot-headed nature of yours. But how was this supposed to help you escape? If anything it was going to keep you anchored here. 

Then you thought of Rhodes. 

He’s probably off on your ship still trying to find you. Guilt riddled you as you imagined him fighting tooth and nail to find you, all while you were sitting on your knees being a ‘good girl’ for Kylo Ren. Surely spending day after day with no luck on your location and no message from you other than the message you’d given to him through Vi. You missed Vi too, wishing that the numerous hospitality droids would offer more than beeps and one-worded sentences. You were truly alone here.

But being back there with Kylo you didn’t feel alone. 

You felt...alive. You were burning from his touch, his praise, his desire. While you tried so desperately to ignore it, there was, in fact, something connecting the two of you. Whether it was your newfound “gift” that had yet to show itself again or the utterly devastating fact that you were possibly the loneliest people on the base, something now connected you to Kylo Ren.

“I can’t do this again,” you told your reflection, eyes reddening as you wiped the tears from them. That was it, you decided. There was no way that you would let this happen with Kylo again. Not that there was much choice for this outcome in the first place. It was your punishments after all, that caused this. You needed to behave if you were to avoid anymore behavior like this. You couldn’t forget about your plans to escape. 

Sighing softly, you walked towards the bath, stepping in and settling yourself inside while ignoring any thought of Kylo Ren. You sat in the warm enveloping water, eyes closed and hugging yourself. The warmth of the water was relieving on your aching muscles and sore knees, and before you knew it, your mind had gone down a rabbit hole. The further you fell, the more salacious and scandalous thoughts of Kylo flashed before your eyes. You’d barely noticed when your hand skimmed down your stomach to feel between your legs, gasping as it was still sensitive with arousal and began to writhe in the water as you rubbed the bundles of nerves at the apex of your thighs. 

It was when you’d imagined a fully naked Kylo Ren with shadows covering his face that you realized what you were doing. Gasping, you opened your eyes and snatched your own hand back up to your chest. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, heavy breaths echoing in the bathing room. Growling to yourself, you stood from the bath and climbed out, ignoring the water that you spilled over the ground and heading straight for the shower, walking in and pulling the handle, freezing cold water showering over you. You winced but stayed in the stream, hoping it would numb your senses and cook your now heating body. 

Goosebumps covered your skin as you stood in the onslaught of ice water, forehead pressed against the cool tile of the shower wall. 

This was going to be harder than you thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally there's smut!! Okay, I know I promised it would be out Friday evening but I spent all my time writing and rewriting this scene to make it perfect! I hope you all like it! I love your feedback and hope to hear more from you!


	10. Curiosity Favors No One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another week without Kylo Ren has your curiosity ultimately peaked, and you're still desperate as ever to escape your destiny with the First Order. Surely in Kylo's absence you can do a little reconnaissance of Starkiller without a hitch?

The pale yellow-orange of dawn peaked through the window, dappled sunlight patterns decorating the soft duvet you were wrapped in. Surprisingly, you’d slept comfortably through the night, eyes blinking open to see the sun through the thick trees. For a moment, suspended in warmth and the remnants of sleep, you forget where you are. The past is a distant blur and no worries fog your thoughts. All you do is simply watch the dawn as it rises, your hand curled under your cheek and legs bent close to your body under the sheets, and for those moments, you’re not broken; you’re not someone who once did terrible things for money, someone who became imprisoned by the First Order or someone who submitted to Kylo Ren in more ways than one. 

But of course, those moments always end far quicker than you’d like them to. 

True to Kylo’s word, you had not been bothered for the past couple days. You’d managed to sleep in and relax in his absence, despite that horrid fire in your blood that flickered at the thought of him; a minuscule piece of you deep down in your chest tightened at his absence. What was he possibly doing while he was gone? 

You had spent the past few days silently keeping count until he came back, wondering if being his student meant you were no longer a prisoner. Three days into the reprieve, you worked up the courage to leave your room and wander along the long corridor that kept you hidden from the rest of the base. You studied every inch, but avoided Kylo’s door. The next day, however, you wandered closer and looked over the keypad, seeing only a black screen attached to the side of the threshold. It was polished and your blushing reflection grimaced back at you in it. 

Today, you were going to leave the hallway—if you could. You needed to try and see if you could leave without Kylo’s company. Best case scenario, the doors opened and you begin tracking your way back to the hangar, or any others; worst case, well, the doors wouldn’t even open at all. 

Groaning, you lifted yourself from the bed, throwing off the duvet haphazardly and stretched. Despite now sleeping in the bed, your muscles and joints still screamed from the incident with Kylo nearly a week ago. The angry reddish purple bruises on your knees had grown yellow and brown but still ached to the touch. You tried to ignore them, just cataloging them with the hundreds of other marks that marred your body. 

Padding over to the dresser, you pulled out a clean pair of those uniform-like grey pants you’d been wearing since your capture, and tugged them on over your legs. Wincing softly as your knees tightened, you buttoned the pants and dug through another compartment of the dresser for long sleeved shirts. You found a tight, form fitting black shirt that, thankfully, had long sleeves. As usual, you tucked it into your pants, and went to the bathroom to brush your teeth and hair. You allowed yourself to see your reflection, as the marks were covered fully for once. 

Rinsing out your mouth, you decided to only wear long sleeve shirts now, making a mental note to ask one of the droids that came in for food and laundry for only shirts of that style. It gave you comfort to feel some sense of normalcy when you looked into the mirror. Seeing as you’d hidden your jacket and didn’t want to seem rebellious in wearing it, you wanted something to cover your arms. Not to mention if you were planning on walking freely through the base you needed to look the part too; wearing a worn leather jacket covered in various patches didn’t seem like a good idea for blending in. 

Pursing your lips at your reflection you figured you had to do a bit more than just nix the jacket. After quickly brushing your hair, you coiled it up in a tight bun at the nape of your neck, securing it with black pins you found in the vanity drawers. It was odd, you seemed cold and well...formal. You were used to being covered in some sort of grime, whether it be from working on your ship or working a job for illegal trade. Your hair was usually in a loose plait or down or piled in a messy bun while you worked, you’d never seen it so tame. 

You leave the bathroom and grab your boots, sitting at the desk as you pull them on. Your heart begins to race as it always did when you sought to leave the room. Every time you opened the entrance door, you imagined Kylo looming before it, telling you that you weren’t free to leave; you were afraid that he’d lock you in the room and you would be alone with only your thoughts for weeks again.

Huffing, you stood and grabbed your key off the desk surface. You stood at the door, heart pounding so quick you could barely breathe, and pressed a lone flat button on the keypad. The door slid open and your entire body tensed as open air awaited you. No Kylo. He hadn’t appeared on the other side of this door since you’d started leaving your room but you still felt anxious. You stuffed the key in your pocket and slowly made your way down the hall, keeping close to the walls, your shoulder occasionally bumping against it lightly. The keypad on this end was a screen just as Kylo’s was, and you wondered how you would get to actually open it. You hadn’t actually thought it out. 

Cursing silently, you eyed the scanner until you spotted a thin slit by the bottom, nearly invisible in the dark metal grooves. You pulled your key out and eyed the slit, discerning if it would even fit. You sent out a silent prayer to the gods as you pushed the key into the slit, all the way to the flat square hilt. Like clockwork, a click and gear whirs sounded and the large double doors began to open, a smaller hallway that led to the rest of the base revealing itself to you. 

After sending out a mental thank you to the gods, you walked out, key back in your pocket. The doors closed behind you as you took small but purposeful steps through the hallway. It was quiet on this end, and you wondered how far into the base Kylo’s quarters were. It made sense for someone like him to treasure privacy, and it was the one thing about him you seemed to relate to, however, it made it ten times harder because you had so many routes to remember. Seeing as nearly every hallway except for the one you stayed at was the same, you knew this would be no easy feat. You’d found more paper in the drawers of your desk and decided that you’d try to memorize everything little by little, instead of trying to make your way through the entire base in one go. This was a more delicate situation than on the battleship, you had to be patient, and mostly importantly, careful. 

After five minutes of emptiness, you encountered the first group of stormtroopers marching through. You straightened your back and held your head high, trying to seem important and too busy to bother. Whatever you mustered up must not have been enough as the lead stormtrooper paused, his hand held out in front of you. 

“Halt! Identification?” The others paused before him, blasters held in front of their chests readily. You turned, feigning reproach as he stopped you, and stated your name.

“I’m here as a personal guest of Commander Ren,” you finish. He stiffens at the mention of Kylo’s name and the stormtroopers behind him exchange glances at each other. You raise an eyebrow, waiting for your doom.

“Carry on, as you were,” he straightens and the others do the same, keeping their eyes ahead as they pass. Once they were out of sight, you loosened a breath from your lungs. It was probably sheer luck that you’d managed to maneuver your way out of that; sheer luck or Kylo Ren, that is. Just how far did the fear of the Commander run? How many men had heard the horrors of his endless rage? How many more had suffered from it? A chill ran down your spine as you thought of the unlucky souls who angered Kylo, ones that were not covered in Sith marks that gained his favor. What you had been put through a few days ago was not a result of his unimaginable rage, it was his power. That dark power that held his heart and body in thrall. It was the darkness that had grown there. What you sourced upon first meeting him, and saw when he confronted General Hux.

You rounded a corner, pausing when you found that same small hallway lined with one mere window. It was shorter than you remembered, standing just at its opening, eyes trained on the pane of glass that decorated the right side by the other end. Your footsteps echoed as you made your way down, a pale yellow sun ray of daylight a sheer beam in the hall. How could someone like Kylo become a monster? He wasn’t always this way, you knew that much for sure. The way he studied you that first day here, so desperate to see sun, and earth and snow. His protective rage against General Hux’s pestering. He gave you the only other room on the entire base with windows. Kylo knew how much it meant; it also meant you were not to originally stay in the same hall as him. He must have figured it was a fair trade, anyways, and you supposed it was. 

The man who gave you windows and let you sit next to him as an equal was not the same man who hurt you and insulted you, and neither was the man who put you on your knees in the dining hall. You knew it was possible for people to be multifaceted; not necessarily two-faced, but differing personalities throughout a span of time. People were more difficult and incomprehensible than what you could ever possibly make them out to be. You just wished that Kylo would make it easy to hate him. To betray him. He wasn’t just a monster, no one is without their flaws. Hell, you’d done terrible things just for a gain. You and Rhodes. It was easier to imagine that you’re not a part of war if you don’t pick sides. If you sell and steal and kill on either side, you’re not biased. They’re all just casualties of war. You cheated and double crossed people, but you didn’t let it stop you from sleeping at night. Did that make you just as bad as Kylo Ren? Were you a monster too?

Is that what he saw in you? 

He must have seen all those mistakes that blackened your heart. If they weren’t going to destroy your mind, they would taint your soul. Kylo must have seen himself in you. Perhaps that was why he was so keen to train you. Maybe it wasn’t just the Sith energy running through your veins that called to him. 

You hadn’t realized your feet had kept you wandering as you were buried deep in thought. You’d long since left the soft warmth of the lit hallway, a dark seeping cold whispering its way into your bones. This was a deeper level than you’d seen. It must have been below the surface of the planet base, a decaying earthy smell filling your nose. The marks atop your hands itched as you stopped before a dark opening at the end of the hallway you stood at. Heart racing, you rubbed the top of your hand, scrutinizing the burns for anything out of the ordinary. They didn’t glow or hurt, just shivered. It was as if someone was running a feather over all of your marks, teasingly trying to grab your attention. You hugged yourself as you stood frozen, unable to move as the darkness let out a deep vibrous hum. 

The darkness that roiled in your veins pulsed at the hum, as if it were beckoned by the sound. It wanted you to step forward, to lose yourself in the dark chamber ahead, to kneel in the ground and succumb to it. Your heart was torn between two options: running away from the whispers that called out to you, or allowing whatever was held in the chamber to taint you forever. The hairs on your arms and the back of your neck raised as you stood, unable to help yourself as that dark temptation forced your feet to inch closer. It was as if invisible tendrils swirled around you, guiding you deeper and deeper to malevolence like you’d never known. You’d already made headway, the caliginous edges of the chamber opening nearly at your toes when a strong gloved hand wrapped painfully around your arm, tugging you far beyond the darknesses’ reach.

“What are you doing here?” Kylo snarled, whirling you around to face him. His hands gripped at your wrists and held them up between the two of you, the tendons and joints dangerously close to breaking. 

“Let me go!” You argue, trying to wrench your throbbing hands free of his hold. Kylo only responds by gripping harder and yanking them towards his body and you're pulled into him.

“I told you to stay put while I was away. Must you always disobey me?” He growled through the helmet. Your eyes burned with hateful fire, hoping it would mask your initial surprise and dare you say it, relief. Who knows what would have happened to you if you’d gone into the dark chamber of stone and murk. A part of you yearned to stay this close to him, it’d been almost a week since you’d seen him. You guessed he came back early; not to see you. 

“Not everything I do is solely to spite you,” you hiss to the facade of his mask, struggling in his unceasing grip, “I got bored. I didn’t know exploring was against the rules.” Kylo growled in response, his head whipping behind him towards the lighter side of the hallway as another quick set of heavy boots stomped their way down to you. He turned back towards you, leaning in close.

“Go back to your room.” He released you quickly and turned you so that you were being pushed away from the dark chamber, only to be met with the blazing emerald glare of General Hux. His steps stuttered as you came into view, eyes narrowing shrewdly at you Kylo pushed you past him. 

“What is the meaning of this, Ren?” Hux hissed, coming up to the both of you. You size him up, matching the intensity of his glare while Kylo shields you with half of his large frame. 

“It’s none of your concern, Hux. She was just leaving.” Kylo pushes you past Hux, who turns to watch as you both round the hallway. You wrench out of Kylo’s grip, heart ramming inside of your chest in both anticipation and rage. 

“How did you find this place?” Kylo interrogated, fists clenched at his side. 

“I happened upon it, so what? It’s just a dilapidated hallway with a mildewed chamber at the bottom. There’s not even guards for this side of the base,” You cross your arms as you speak, aware of the anger that radiated from his frame. Oh, he was furious.

“You senseless girl, there’s no need for guards here. No one is foolish enough to traipse down this side of the base, other than you that is. That was the Supreme Leader’s chambers.” His hand grips your chin, and you’re too in shock to fight it. That dark presence that sang to the evil in your blood was the Supreme Leader. Or was it the Dark Side of the Force? The Supreme Leader isn’t a Sith, is he? Whatever it was, you’d gone too close for comfort, close enough to cause distress in Kylo. Your brows furrow and you fought with your muddled mind for words.

“Just,” Kylo sighed, his tense shoulders sagging slightly, “go back to your room.” He turned, cloak rippling from the movement. 

“Wait,” you call out softly to him. Kylo pauses expectantly but doesn’t turn to face you, “I thought you weren’t going to be back until tomorrow.”

“Plans changed. I was going to come see you after this meeting,” he paused, “I suppose I don’t need to now.” Before you could say anything in response, he rounded the corner. You stood dumbfoundedly for a few moments, caught between the odd flutter of your heart at Kylo’s soft words, and the horrifying realization that soon you would have to follow Kylo into that dark hallway again. He would ask the Supreme Leader to allow you to train under him, for the First Order. Despite whatever feelings you harbored for Kylo, you couldn’t allow yourself to be a puppet for the Dark Side. You’d already spent a dangerous amount of time here. 

You needed to escape. 

Walking back up through the hallways where you’d come, you ignored any moving bodies that passed you. Your temples ached, an infernal ringing through your head kept you focused merely on the ground ahead of you. It had to be from all the stress you were under, being held captive, painfully interrogated, seduced, used surely will do that to a person. Rubbing the sides of your head, you heard a robotic regulator call out for you along an empty corridor. 

“Halt!” You whipped around at the order, finding a masked stormtrooper holding a blaster rifle against their chest. They stalked towards you, soot staining the chest and helmet of their white armor. Their boots clacked against the reflective and smooth floor before they stopped a few paces in front of you. 

“You don’t belong here,” the trooper stated. Your brows furrowed, a tight pain increasing behind your eyes. 

“I’m on my way back to my quarters. Orders from Commander Kylo Ren,” you figured name dropping Kylo to another lowly trooper would work in your favor. However, this trooper was not budging. What more would it take to get away? He cocked his head to the side, blaster in one hand and lowered to the floor while the other hand was held out between the two of you. 

“I’m going to need to see some identification.” You made to smack away at his awaiting hand, ready to retort something as you had nothing but a small key as means of identification. As your hand made contact with his glove, it wrapped around your wrist and a door in the hallway pushed open. You were shoved inside unceremoniously, smacking hard into a supply closet, various tools raining down on you. Hands wrapped around you and you cried out, trying to push them away when you realized your name was being called out in the darkness as the door closed. That voice, you knew it. 

“Rhodes?” You whispered incredulously, feeling in the dark for warm skin. Your fingers were met with the cold plaster of the uniform, gloved hands wrapping around your own and bringing them up to his face. The pads of your fingers tingled as you felt Rhodes’ smile under your touch. His hands released yours and coiled themselves around your waist, pulling you in impossibly close, your chest pressed against his. Rhodes’ lips crashed hard against yours, the stench of sweat and blood in your nose but underneath it, you could smell his natural scent; earthy, soft, like torrid rainpour and fresh morning dew. The dam around you’d built to hold your unending guilt for leaving him broke and you kissed Rhodes’ back, tears flowing freely from your burning eyes as the hopelessness you’d felt for several weeks finally dissipated. 

Rhodes had finally found you. You weren’t utterly alone anymore. He was here to take you away from this wretched planet base and the clutches of the First Order. Rhodes’ hands reached up and pulled your hair from the bun, waves tumbling down as he gripped the strands; he kissed you as if letting you go meant losing you forever, his own tears wet against your cheeks. When you pulled away, you were both gasping for breath, silent in the admittal of what this all meant. You’d have to figure it out later, being here was not safe for either of you, but especially for Rhodes.

“You came,” you breathed, fingers hooked permanently into the open neck of the stormtrooper armor. Rhodes’ hands migrated back down to your waist, holding you close.

“Was there ever a doubt that I would find you?” His voice was like a reprieve from your misery. 

“I just figured I would make it out first before you got here.” You chuckled. He chuckled too, the rumble so painfully familiar. 

“And let you take all the credit? Not a chance,” he leaned forward to kiss your forehead, “I’m just sorry it took so long. I’m sure you’ve already endured so much from that monster, Ren.” You tensed in Rhodes’ hold, the memories of kneeling and servicing Kylo Ren and enjoying it running wild through your thoughts. Rhodes sensed your unease, a hand cupping your face in the dark. You desperately wished you could see his face, to lay your eyes upon his hazel irises, and to scan every plane of his face to memory. 

“Has he…” Rhodes trailed off, unsure of how to continue and you blushed in the darkness. How could you explain that to him? You couldn’t, so you lied. 

“No! No, he hasn’t done anything like that. It’s just been a few interrogations. They keep me in a room, feed and cloth me. I’m fine, Rhodes, really,” you pecked his lips as a distraction, “Just eager to get out.” Rhodes kissed you back quickly, before pulling away and fumbling in the dark for his helmet. 

“I have a plan, but you’ll have to trust me.” 

“I do,” you say softly, hearing the click of the helmet and the hiss as it pressurized the inside of the armor. 

“It’ll take a couple days, so all I’m asking of you right now is to grin and bear it. I hate that I can’t whisk you away right now but this will all be over soon.” His regulator crackled as it struggled to pick up his quiet whisper, and he pressed you to the door. 

“I’ll come in a day or two to tell you the rest. Meet me in this hallway again,” he paused, hearing footsteps through the door and waited until the sound died before speaking again, “Go through first. I’ll follow and go the opposite direction. Now!” He whispered and pushed you through the opened door. You stumbled out to the empty hallway and immediately began walking in the direction of yours and Kylo’s quarters. Behind you, you could hear Rhodes’ footsteps grow softer as he marched in the opposite way. 

Upon the ornate corridor entrance, you unlocked the doors and made quickly for your room, suddenly worried of how much time passed while Rhodes’ and you had been in that closet. If Kylo visited, would he smell him on you? Would he sense your unease? See the memories in your mind when he looked into your eyes? You prayed to the gods that he hadn’t come back yet, and opened your door to find your room cold and undisturbed. Thanking the gods once again, you made for the dresser, stripping off your clothes quickly and changing them out for softer night clothes. The pants were of a much softer material but still tightened at the ankles as your uniform pants had, and you traded out the black shirt for a looser, long sleeved, grey tee. Pulling socks over your cold feet, you tiptoed to the door and waited, your ear against the surface, attempting to hear out any noise on the other side. 

You knew it was odd to wait for Kylo just after planning your escape with Rhodes but away from all rational thought, you remembered his soft tone alone by the Supreme Leader’s chambers. He’d protected you from Hux’s usual curiosity and derision yet again, and the way his voice lowered just before he left. He was going to see you after the meeting before he found you before the entrance. To say what? To do what? Whatever part of your heart cracked and bled for Rhodes was nowhere to be found as your ear flattened against the cold touch of the door, anxious to hear anything. Perhaps Kylo was still out. 

You’d waited for several minutes, neck aching from the position when you heard the doors on your end of the corridor open. Heart racing in your chest, you stood against the door, hearing the boots grow louder and louder until they were almost upon your door. Against your better judgment, you slammed the keypad button to open it.

“Kylo,” you breathed, finding Kylo’s knuckles primed to rap upon your door. He lowered his hand to his side.

“Your hair is down,” he stated, his head cocking to the side slightly. Your cheeks reddened, and you immediately pushed away the reasons as to why it was down, talking to cover up the sound of your thoughts. 

“I had a headache, thought it would feel better to have it loose.” You lied perfectly. 

“If you’re feeling ill, I can call a medic droid over.” 

“No,” you shook your head, running a hand through your hair, “I feel fine. I’m fine, really.” Your blood froze over as you realized you’d said those words not even an hour earlier, stuck in a dark closet with Rhodes. Maybe you were getting too good at lying. Kylo made no indication that he’d sensed your unease and took a step back into the hall. 

“I’m retiring to my room for the night, then,” he said simply, turning to make his way towards his room. You followed him, pushing yourself past the threshold against your better judgement, socks sliding on the smooth floor. 

“Wait,” you called out to him for the second time today, “What about what happened earlier? At the Supreme Leader’s chambers? Am I in trouble? Are you still training me?”

“If you wish to know,” he spoke, taking a step towards you, cupping your chin, “you’ll have to come inside. If not, I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned and made his way, disappearing between the large doors. You huffed, rubbing your jaw roughly. There was something inside of you that craved Kylo’s touch. It came alive when he gripped your face, warming every part of you dangerously. It took a passionate kiss from Rhodes to even feel a fraction of what just Kylo’s hand could do to you. 

Of course you were escaping with Rhodes, and eager to accept the romantic feelings between the two of you, but a part of you was all too eager at Kylo’s proposal. Deep inside, you were desperate again for the visceral and raw onslaught of lust and fire that came with being around Kylo Ren; it came when he touched you, and spoke to you, left you cold when he was no longer there. You wanted more and more, and you weren’t sure all the cold showers in the world would fix your affliction. 

So you took a step forward. 

And another. 

And another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another hiatus :( Made this chapter a little longer to make up for it! Hope you're all still enjoying the fic! Thank you to everyone taking the time to read it!


	11. On Your Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being invited to Kylo's quarters for the first time since your capture should have kept you wary enough to decline, but of course you couldn't help your curious nature. You were hoping it would lead to seeing what Kylo was like beyond the cold facade and mask of contempt. As usual, you got more than you bargained for.

Kylo’s doors loomed ahead of you, a match to his own large stature. They were dark and smooth, a thin groove in the middle where they opened. You sucked in a breath, raising your knuckles to knock on the colossal doors when they hissed and whirred open on their own. Backing away in surprise, you watched as they opened to a room completely ornated in dark decor. Your eyes glossed over the larger than life bed, black satin sheets and dark posts along the corners, tall dark walls and a vast window just like yours, only much bigger of course. It nearly blended into the aesthetic of the room, were it not for the faint outline of trees, and your tiny reflection from across the room gaped upon it. However, there was one thing missing. 

Kylo was nowhere to be found in it. 

Your brows furrowed as you stepped in slowly, taking in every inch of the room to make sure you hadn’t missed a detail when Kylo emerged from a door on the far side of the room. Behind him, you could see it opened to a smaller hallway, but beyond it, you couldn’t see, for Kylo’s frame blocked your view, the door sliding shut after him. 

“You certainly wasted no time,” he noted, and you blushed deeply, suddenly aware that you were locked inside a room with Kylo yet again. Surely your purpose here was merely for answers. Kylo said he would answer any questions you had if you came in. A sinking feeling pulled at your gut as you realized how naive it sounded; this could only end two ways. Either Kylo answers your questions and leaves you to return to your room, which you highly doubted, or you were due for another sort of lesson in subservience that involved a lack of clothes and lustful desires. Oh yes, it was probably the latter. 

“You’re still dressed?” You asked dumbly, trying to force the conversation towards him rather than you. It was failing miserably as you realized how Kylo must have taken it.

“Was I supposed to have disrobed upon your entrance?” Kylo’s arms cross over his chest, his biceps bulging even through the thick layers of fabric; his cloak was off, he was just in his all black gear, plus the helmet. Does he ever take that dreadful thing off?

“This dreadful thing is more than just a simple helmet,” Kylo remarked. You mentally kicked yourself, of course at this proximity Kylo could read your thoughts. Unless of course, you’d accidentally muttered it out loud. 

“I’m sure it is, since you’re never keen to take it off,” you huffed, “But I came here for answers about what’s going to happen to me here. You owe me at least that much, Kylo.” At the sound of his name, Kylo snapped into action, taking a few broad strides until he was inches before you, deep breaths crackling in the regulator. 

“I owe you?” He asked incredulously, “It’s that insubordination and entitled attitude of yours that got you your punishment in the first place. You are not a prisoner here, but do not make an enemy out of me.”

“I’m not trying to!” You argue defiantly, eyes trained on the visor of his helmet. “Maybe you wouldn’t be treated so coldly if I could just see you face to face! Am I talking to a man or a damn machine?” Your chest rose and fell with every hard and deep breath, jaw clenched in frustration at Kylo’s ever present mood swings. It was deathly quiet as Kylo merely studied you, his fingers twitching at his side. 

“Get on the bed.” 

Your heart stopped dead in your chest. 

“What?” 

“I won’t tell you again. That’s an order, little girl.” Your blood heated in your veins at the pet name, and you turned towards the vast bed, neatly made and unbothered for a week. Turning to Kylo, you slowly backed your way into the bed. When the edge hitting the backs of your knees, you stopped, bending to sit on the very edge of it.

“Good girl. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Kylo followed you with his gaze, paces away from you when he reached for the sides of the helmet, a hiss sounding in the room as it depressurized and he lifted it, his gaze leaving the helmet before him to pierce your very soul. 

This was going to make things a lot harder, you realized.

He was beautiful. 

His dark brown irises were trained inquisitively on you, trying to gauge your reaction. You were sure it was written plainly on your face as you admired his olive skin and obsidian hair that nearly touched his shoulders; he had a strong nose and full pink lips that he licked as he breathed in, arched brows and high cheekbones that gave him a chiseled, and godly facial frame. It wasn’t what you expected him to look like at all. 

What were you supposed to make of all this? Every nerve in your body was firing off all at once just from finally getting a glimpse of the man who made you prisoner here. It was harder to feel justified rage now that evil had a face. You had allowed yourself to hate Kylo because all he was to you was a cold metal facade. Now, your fingers itched to touch him, your body felt magnetized to his presence, to his stare. You wanted to keep gazing straight at him and never look away. The way both of you were locked in each other’s sight reminded you of those small moments you had in the mornings; there was nothing outside of this moment. No war, no sides, no pain. There was merely this moment suspended in time where you could hear the beat of Kylo’s heart in your ears, and see a storm that raged deep in his chest. It shined in his eyes for just a split moment too, and you knew something had happened in that meeting with the Supreme Leader, something that truly was bothering him. But it wasn’t the time to ask about it, and you shouldn’t anyways. You weren’t close to him in a fashion that mattered. 

He looked down at the helmet he held in his hands before turning away and placing it on an altar-like desk on a far end of the room. Walking back, he kept those beautifully haunting eyes on you, pulling his gloves off as he made his way closer. His hands were that same olive complexion, veined and just as large as the rest of him. Then came off his cowl, and a thick vest like garment. 

“Is this more to your liking?” He murmured, standing just before your trembling knees. Your neck craned as you struggled to meet his eyes. Kylo was now only wearing a thin, long-sleeved, black shirt and pants with heavy boots. 

“I guess,” you mumble, looking away. 

“Stand up.”

“Why?” Kylo didn’t bother to answer you, instead taking your arm firmly and lifting you, pivoting so that he now sat on the bed, face level to yours as you stood between his legs. His eyes were watching you intently, hands releasing you and resting his elbows on his thighs. 

“You can ask me a question, but you’ll have to take something off after you do. In return, I’ll answer.” Kylo’s voice became a deep raspy timbre, filling you with heat that dripped down between your clenched thighs. You had to resist this. 

“I don’t want to play these games with you, Kylo. My entire life is up for debate between you and the Supreme Leader and I just don’t want to be left in the dark. If I’m going to be killed, trained, or a prisoner, I would like to know, please.” You tried to sound as sincere as possible, hoping the lilt of desperation in your plea would be enough to keep away whatever advances Kylo was actively planning as the night continued. He considered you for a moment, eyes flashing with that storm before he blinked lazily and rolled his neck slowly. 

“I’ve been patient with you, girl,” you held down a shiver that ran through you as he spoke deeply, “I’m giving you a choice. You can take my offer, or I start removing your clothes myself.” You crossed your arms, hoping to muffle the sound of your racing heart. 

“Are you telling me I don’t even have a choice to leave?” 

“Consider this an exception: no. Next question,” Kylo ordered. You were losing ground here. Surely, if you tried to leave there would be something even worse in store for you. You were trapped in the room with Kylo. The rational part of you that you’d been clinging to since you stepped through the door felt disgusted at your arousal and you thought of Rhodes for a split moment. It all withered away however, when you let yourself study Kylo’s features yet again; you couldn’t look away from those abysmal brown eyes. Everything you’d assumed about Kylo you could see in those eyes. Insurmountable pain, loneliness, and betrayal. A man who fought with guilt and purpose like a bird fighting through a tempest. You knew that loneliness, that regret from your past and the marks that tainted your blood sang to the sins of your darkened soul. Kylo was the only person in the galaxy who could tell you about the Force, so maybe you should play along. What would it hurt? Rhodes would never know anyways. You had to learn as much as you could before you left this wretched place. You needed more time. 

“When did you get back?” You shuffled as you pulled off one sock. Kylo chuckled at the movement, watching you push the sock away from the both of you with your foot. 

“Not long after I found you wandering around,” he says simply. You pull off your other sock. 

“Where were you?”

“Jakku.” Your brows furrow as you hear the answer. Jakku? What was he doing so far out? You only had a few more questions before you were completely exposed to him. 

“What did you speak to the Supreme Leader about?” You hesitate, not sure if you should shed your pants or shirt. Reluctantly, you pull the shirt over your head and toss it haphazardly. Kylo’s eyes trailed down your exposed skin, eyes keen on the black burns that decorated you. There it was: the dark fascination to the Sith marks that bordered on the line of complete awe and lustful admiration. He exhaled deeply, as if he’d been holding it since you shed the garment, looking up at you. 

“Nothing that concerns you.” 

“But it does concern me!” You argued. 

“No. It doesn’t. You were not brought up in discussion, unfortunately. There were more pressing matters at hand. We are, in fact, fighting in a war, if you’ll remember. Your training with me will have to wait.” 

“And what am I to do in the meantime? Sit here and play ‘pretty little pet’ for you?” You seethed. 

“That’s two questions,” Kylo murmured darkly, his breath heavy as his pupils began to dilate. Your heart skipped a beat as you realized you were running out of clothes. All it took was a few sentences and you’d completely forgotten about being half naked in front of Kylo. You hated this game. 

“Forget that I asked. The answers don’t matter to me anyways,” you hissed and turned towards Kylo’s doors, abandoning the clothes strewn on his slick black floors. Kylo called your name out in warning but you ignored it, crossing the vast space of the room and mashing your fingers on the button of the inside keypad, cursing when the doors refused to budge. You could hear Kylo’s footsteps behind you, trying to turn the red hot arousal inside of you into that white blistering rage. You wanted to feel anything other than how much you wanted to be on your knees for Kylo Ren again. 

His hand shot out and turned you violently, your back smacking the hard surface of the black walls. You cried out from the harsh impact, hands coming up to press feebly against Kylo’s firmly built chest. Kylo had one hand around your neck, not squeezing hard enough to choke you but the threat was evident, while the other thumbed and held your side. It was hot on your skin, the small movements of his fingers tightening on your waist sent electric shivers down your spine. He bent down, leaning in close to you; you could smell the thick scent of leather and smoke off of him, but underneath it, his aroma was what you imagined the trees outside your window would smell like. The soft lingering scent of earth, snow and the sap of green needle leaves. It melted you inside as it filled your nose. Gods, he was intoxicating.

“I believe we had an agreement,” Kylo murmured against the sensitive skin of your neck as he hooked his thumb around the waistband of your pants. They soon fell down your thighs, pooling at your ankles. Kylo pulled away from you, wholly black eyes locked on yours as he knelt and pulled the pants off your ankles, one at a time. You turned away, eyes shutting tight, trying to knock the image of Kylo Ren on his knees in front of you out of your mind. 

“Look at me,” he ordered. You reluctantly looked down at him, watching as he slowly rose, his gaze never leaving yours. His neck bent and he loomed over you, leaning in and wrapping his arms around your upper back. You only realized his intentions when your bra clicked open from behind you and the straps slid down your arms. Breath catching, you pulled the bra close to your chest, arms crossing to cover yourself modestly. Kylo leaned in further, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. 

“Stop resisting. I know you feel it too,” his fingers gripped the front of the bra and pulled down hard, the fabric torn from your grip and landing on the floor. You covered your hardening breasts with your arms and closed your eyes, trying to keep yourself anchored to reality, and not the delectable feel and scent of Kylo.

“That’s enough,” you gasp, brows furrowing as you felt Kylo’s teeth tug your earlobe. The sensation of it made your breasts tighten and heave, a whimper echoing in your throat. The mewling sound only seemed to spur Kylo on as he took your wrists in one hand, pulling them from your chest and bringing them together above your head. His knee pushed between your legs, a thick and muscular thigh rubbing lightly against the barely covered bundle of nerves at the apex between yours. You gasped in surprise and Kylo’s free hand held your chin, his lips only a breath apart from yours. 

“I’ll say when enough is enough,” Kylo growled, his grip and touch on you ceasing, “Now get on your knees.” Your eyes fluttered open, breathless, and you looked down at the floor quickly before leading back up to Kylo. 

“Don’t make me say it twice.” He said darkly. You slid down the cool wall, relishing its touch. It felt as if your skin was aflame, every vein, tendon, muscle and nerve was blazing with wanton lust. Wincing as your knees hit the ground, a small ache from your old bruises reminded you that this was the second time you’d been put on your knees for Kylo Ren. 

Kylo’s jaw clenched as he watched you kneel before him, his hands unfastening the zipper to his pants. You could already see the hardened outline of his cock in the dark pants, mouth watering as he pulled it out and began stroking it in one hand. It was just as thick and large as you remembered it, and you kept your eyes on Kylo’s as he groaned softly. His other hand reached out, gripping your chin and running his thumb over your bottom lip. Your hands clenched into fists atop your thighs as he slipped it between your lips, resting the pad of the digit flat on your tongue. 

“Suck.” Kylo ordered, his palm fisting his cock as he watched your lips close around his thumb. Your tongue swirled over it as you sucked lightly on his thumb. He pulled it from your lips, a string of spittle falling down your chin. Kylo gathered your hair and pushed your head forward so that your lips were pressed against the head of his cock. 

“Beg to suck my cock,” Kylo breathed heavily, his chest heaving as your cheeks flushed an impossibly ruddied shade. Beg? His hand tightened in your hair, pulling it roughly until you cried out softly. 

“Please, Kylo--”

“Sir.”

“Please, Sir, let me suck your cock.” Your hands fiddled with each other as you begged, a strong wave of shame and humiliation washing over you. Kylo loosened his hold on your hair to part your lips with his thumb and pushed his cock in. The smooth skin slid against your tongue and you widened your mouth to take in its thick girth. He hissed as it hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag for a moment. Your hands reached up to brace against his clothed thighs, beginning to bob your head back and forth. Relentless pulses of arousal shot through you, straight down between your legs and you shifted uncomfortably as you sucked Kylo off, desperate for any sort of friction to ease it. You remembered what happened the last time you touched yourself without permission in front of him. 

“Such a good girl for me,” Kylo growled, both of his hands running through the sides of your head, hair between his fingers; you felt him grip the back of your head and force you faster and harder, his cock hitting the back of your throat with nearly every thrust. Spit began to drip down your chin, lines of drool running down between your breasts. While your jaw had begun to ache, you couldn’t deny how much pleasure it gave you to be used in this way by Kylo, seeing how much he enjoyed the feel of you around him. You could feel the wetness sticking your thighs together and how much your breasts ached to be touched, wishing you could do so much more. The thought of his thick cock inside of you and taking you against this very wall flooded your mind as you sucked him with passionate fervor. 

As if on command, Kylo pulled you off his cock, drool dripping down it obscenely and he pulled you up from under your arms. He leaned in close to you, lips hot on your neck as his hands rubbed and squeezed your sides hungrily. 

“The idea,” he huffed raggedly, “was to take my sweet time with you. I wanted to use, touch, and please every part of you tonight. But I’ve seen what’s in those wicked thoughts of yours, little girl.” You trembled at the hot breath that fanned over your skin, leaving you covered in goosebumps. It took all you had to keep from moaning out, your hands bared on the wall behind you. Without warning, Kylo bent down further, his hands ripping your flimsy underwear from between your thighs and gripping your bare backside to cup it, and you jumped instinctively, legs wrapping around his waist. Kylo pushed you against the wall, and you gasped as his cock rubbed against your clit. 

“I have no room for patience tonight,” Kylo kissed you roughly, not leaving you with any breath as he pulled away, “I’m going to ravage you. Tonight, you belong to me and only me. I’m going to fuck you like the naughty little tease you are, and I won’t stop until this entire base can hear you screaming my name. Understand?” Your eyes were wide as a doe’s as he grinded against you, brows furrowing and biting your lip to keep yourself quiet. 

“Understand?” Kylo demanded. You nodded.

“Yes, Sir,” you murmured, loud enough for the both of you to hear. Your hands gripped Kylo’s thick and muscled biceps, fingers digging into the cloth of his shirt as his hips pulled away, the head of his cock positioned right before your pussy. 

“Louder.”

“Yes, Sir--ah, fuck!” You cried out as Kylo’s cock speared right into you, a delicious pain sparking through you like a bolt of lightning. He sheathed himself into you, the mere girth of him enough to make your eyes well up, let alone the impressive length. 

“You’re so fucking tight,” Kylo growled as he pushed inside of you. He made slow yet breathtakingly deep thrusts, sweat beaded along his brow and down his neck. Why he was still fully clothed you could care less, for you were drowning in pure bliss as Kylo sped up the thrusts. Sweat trickled down your back and your moans echoed through the room as Kylo fucked you better than you’ve ever known. Out of all the nights tossing around in a cot with other rogues and traders, nothing could compare to how Kylo could make you feel. His lips met your neck and he bit down hard, leaving a dark bruise in its wake. He licked and sucked at the hurt, growling as his hips snapped hard and fast against yours. 

It was when he pressed you hard against the wall, joining your wrists up above your head and kissing you roughly again that you felt yourself bordering closer and closer to the edge. His lips travelled their way back down your neck again until they met with your breasts, tugging and sucking at your nipples as he continued to fuck you. Your hands dove into his raven black hair, moaning out curses and fragmented sentences as you began to lose all sense of yourself. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so clo--...I’m gonna...” Kylo came back up to face you, his hand snapping up to grip your face, his fingers splayed over your cheeks. 

“I didn’t say you were allowed to cum without permission.” Kylo’s eyes were wholly black with unadulterated lust, his thrusts becoming methodically slow and hard. You bounced around his waist with every harsh thrust, the desperate need to cum waning along with your sanity. 

“Please, Sir,” you whimpered, eyes nearly rolling back as a particular thrust rubbed against a sensitive spot inside of you. 

“You’re going to beg like a good slut just as you did before,” Kylo rasped while both his hands kept themselves occupied with restraining you, you could feel the whisper of touch against your clit, and struggled around Kylo’s waist, “and maybe I’ll think about letting you cum.” It was as if invisible fingers were rubbing languid circles around your clit as Kylo fucked you deep and the undeniable desperation grew again. 

“Fuck! Please, Sir, let me cum. Please, please, please!” You panted as your voice grew more hysterical with every second. 

“Not yet.” Kylo said simply, his thrusts suddenly growing harder and faster than before. He grunted as he hefted you up and down by your waist with every thrust. Your hands braced themselves against his shoulders, breasts bouncing. Kylo was still using the Force to stimulate your clit and all of it together was driving you absolutely insane as you could feel the white hot pleasure grow closer and closer. 

“I can barely take it anymore, Kylo,” you screamed, “Please let me cum on your cock. I need you so badly!” Kylo groaned and his cock twitched inside of you, as if he was just as close to the edge as you were. 

“Fuck! Say my name, slut.” 

“Yes, Kylo!”

“Who do you belong to?” Kylo panted. 

“You, only you!” You were so dangerously close to cumming, but held on to whatever you could to keep from falling over that edge in fear of what would happen should you do it without permission. 

“You’re mine,” Kylo growled into your neck, “I’ve seen the man in your thoughts. He’ll never make you feel the way I can. He’ll never fuck you like I can. You’re so close to cumming and I can feel it. Cum for me, little girl. Be good and cum on Daddy’s cock like the naughty fucking slut you are.” You were too far gone to let the thought of Rhodes stop you and screamed, your walls tightened as ripples of burning hot pleasure coursed through your entire body. Kylo roared, fucking you through both of your orgasms, ropes of hot cum spilling inside of you. You both sat in silence, breathing heavily into each other. Were it not for Kylo holding your legs up around him, your trembling thighs wouldn’t have been able to keep you up. Kylo’s cum mixed with your own wetness and dripped between your thighs, and he leaned his forehead against yours. 

Without a word from the both of you, Kylo hefted you across the room to the bed, sitting you on the edge while he turned and grabbed your clothes from the ground. You watched him hazily, head still swimming with incoherent thought and he handed the clothes and underwear to you. Taking it hesitantly, you looked up at him and opened your mouth to speak, but Kylo turned away. He headed for a door on the other side of the room near the window, it slid up immediately as he approached it. 

“I’m sure you know your way out,” Kylo said over his shoulder, not even gracing you with so much as a glance as he pulled the black shirt from his body, tan muscles rippling over his back, light scars scattered over the smooth skin. 

“My way out?” You asked incredulously. 

“Yes, back to your room,” he turned slightly to glance at you over his shoulder “I have to leave soon, I’ll be back in a couple of days.” Before you could get another word in edgewise, he stepped into the awaiting room, leaving you completely naked and alone on his bed. 

You looked down at your lap, the wrinkled and bundled clothes in your hands and your bare skin exposed to the room. Despite your best efforts, tears welled in your eyes as you stood and pulled on the clothes as quickly as you could. You could feel your face heat and redden from holding in sobs as you approached the main doors that opened upon your arrival. It took all of the remaining energy you had left in you to keep yourself composed while you walked briskly to your room door. It opened for you and you stepped in, allowing yourself a mere second after it closed to cross your room and stay composed before you fell apart. 

Silent sobs shook your entire body as you cried into your hands, crumbling to a heap against the window of your room. Something deep inside of you fractured, as if every time you were with Kylo, a small piece of you was being chipped away. You couldn’t understand why you’d felt so hurt, why it felt as if you were being tossed aside when Kylo Ren didn’t even mean anything to you in the first place. It wasn’t as if you were in love with him; Kylo used you and tortured you and forced you, you couldn’t be in love with him. 

You weren’t sure if the tears were from Kylo leaving you to your own devices or guilt that felt like you were betraying Rhodes. Rhodes, who came all this way to find you, who was conjuring up a plan to get you out of this wretched base, who kissed you as if his own life depended on it. Kylo’s words rang through your ears and it was now that you could finally feel the impact of them. He knew about the odd romantic connection the two of you had when he crept into your dreams and tortured you for the book. It made him jealous. It was absurd to think a man who conquered and had everything was jealous of Rhodes. Not when he was balls deep inside of you and having you obey his every whim. There was something about Rhodes that threatened him. 

Hiccuping, you wiped your tears and lifted yourself off the ground, shedding off the clothes and walking to the shower. You stepped in and turned on the showerhead, wincing as you let the cold water wash over you. Standing under the steady stream, you hugged yourself and more tears found their way down your cheeks. Regret and shame were now the new residents of your tarnished soul, and while you knew that darkness deep inside of you enjoyed fucking Kylo, you truly wondered how much of your humanity was lost to it. Kylo Ren was a monster. 

And now you were one too. 

The only reprieve to your suffering was that Kylo would be gone again and leave you alone to emotionally recover from all that you’d done. You’d spend it searching for Rhodes and familiarizing yourself with the base more; you were going to need it if you were to escape in less than a week. Anticipation was growing in you as you imagined leaving this place, far, far away from Kylo’s grasp and the First Order. 

The water had warmed up, steam filling the bathroom but your blood grew cold as you glanced upon your burn marks as you rinsed yourself. Rhodes had no idea that the book was gone. He had no clue about the Sith marks on your skin, and your new connection to the Force. He hadn’t even asked when he spoke to you. Your heart ached; he was just so happy to see you alive, he didn’t care about any of it. And here you were, yet again on your knees for Kylo Ren. 

Stepping out of the shower, you toweled yourself off and dressed in new clothes quickly, slinking into the bed tiredly. You doubted you’d be able to sleep soundly at all tonight, and opted to try and count the stars you saw poking through the tree canopy to help you fall asleep. When your eyes finally felt too heavy to keep open, you succumbed to sleep and welcomed the inky black that surrounded your closed lids. Sleep came peacefully to you, like a gentle kiss and caress to your forehead. You welcomed it with open arms, desperate for its reprieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Trying my best to keep pumping out these chapters while keeping to the quality! Hope you all are enjoying! :)


	12. Unexpected Turn of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo’s absence has finally allowed you to make a sound escape plan with Rhodes, who still has no idea of what’s happened with you and Kylo. You both plan to escape before Kylo’s return but it seems your plans are going to be thrown out the window. At least improvisation is your strong suit.

Your teeth clicked against Rhodes’ as he pushed himself into you for a passionate kiss, his hands already sweeping you into his arms to embrace you and pull your hair out from the bun you’d coiled at the nape of your neck. Wincing, you pushed away from Rhodes, both of you breathing heavily as you stood in the darkness of the supply closet. Rhodes’ hands cupped your face as you looked ahead into the pitch black void in front of you. 

“Is something wrong?” He asked worriedly. You shook your head, forgetting that neither of you could see one another and squeezed Rhodes’ shoulders in response. 

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just don’t want to waste the little time we have. We need to run through the plan again.” You leaned forward on your tiptoes, and kissed what you hoped was his cheek. After a small chuckle from him, you realized it was his chin. 

“Thanks for that. We’ve ran through it a hundred times, love. I’m sure you know it by heart now.” You were glad Rhodes couldn’t see your cringe at his pet name for you. Supposedly, the two of you were an item now, ever since your first reunion several days ago. It seemed as if every day you were sneaking around the halls of the Starkiller, finding random storage rooms and cluttered closets to rendezvous and discuss a means of escape for the two of you. You hated his name for you, it was too soft and angelic. It was sweet and lovely and everything you felt that you no longer were. Not that you particularly felt soft and lovely to begin with. 

No, you felt like a monster now. Inside, you were gnarled thorns and black soot, everything torn and burnt into a vile and unforgiving wasteland. You tried desperately to think of anything else other than that night; you wanted to forget how much you enjoyed being his, how much you were willing to give away just to forever be at the foot of Kylo Ren. The shame and humiliation of it wore at you even if glimpses of that night brought your cheeks to a dark pink hue. 

You couldn’t be called something as simple and sweet as ‘love’. You weren’t sure you even deserved it after what you’d done. If you even deserved Rhodes, who had never even mentioned the trade or the book or anything of the sort other than your safety and your plan, you weren’t sure how you could live with yourself and still be happy with him. It was painful every time you faced him, especially after what Kylo said and had made you say about Rhodes. Sitting in the dark everyday and hoping that stolen kisses and touches would wipe your slate clean, you could barely wait for the escape. You hoped that Kylo wouldn’t be there to stop you. If he caught you and Rhodes, what would he say? What would he do? It was horrifying to think of all the possibilities. 

“I know, Rhodes,” you bit your lip, “the days have gotten closer and I’m getting worried. We leave tomorrow and I don’t want to be caught off guard. I just wish I could figure out when he’s coming back. I’d be at ease if I knew he wouldn’t be here when we leave.” 

“I can try to ask around, but I doubt anyone else knows much of anything. The prick is pretty unpredictable. He comes and goes as he pleases here, from what I’ve heard.” You already knew that, however, and unfortunately you were more than versed in Kylo’s unpredictability. Since you’d started meeting Rhodes, Kylo had been away on yet another trek across the galaxy. Where he was, you no longer cared, as long as it was far away from Starkiller in the time being. Rhodes’ hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you in close and leaning down to kiss your neck. 

“You don’t need to worry,” he mumbled between lazy kisses down your jaw and neck, “we’ll be out of here before you know it. And I am going to take you far far away from here where we can be...all...alone.” He cemented those last words with warm kisses pressed against your flickering pulse, a burning hot fire beginning to stir inside of you. His hands lowered to cup your rear, picking up your right thigh to wrap it around his waist. Your back rested against the flat unforgiving surface of a shelf, Rhodes’ hard stormtrooper armor pressing into you. 

Something about Rhodes was more brazen since he’d found you. After years of tottering on the line between friendship and something more, it was like he no longer wanted to waste time. Your capture was enough for him to realize how he felt for you, but unfortunately being imprisoned only seemed to muddle your own feelings . You didn’t want to be stuck between Kylo and Rhodes in some insipid love triangle. Kylo didn’t love you anyways, he merely wanted to use you until he was needed for the First Order again. You were just his plaything in the meantime. Were it not for the undoubtedly horrifying arousal you felt just thinking about Kylo, your feelings for Rhodes would be more clear. You had to remind yourself that you were only prisoner to Kylo because you were trying to save Rhodes. This would never have happened if you hadn’t been captured. But you weren’t sure if Rhodes’ hands untucking your shirt and squeezing your breasts would be happening either if you weren’t in this predicament. 

Muddled feelings aside, it didn’t stop your moans as Rhodes’ lips latched onto your hardened nipple, and you’d barely realized your shirt and bra had been pulled up over your breasts, cold air causing you to wince. His hands deftly unbuttoned your pants, and a small voice in your head spoke of the dangers of being caught in the closet. It rang louder when you thought of being caught by Kylo. Rhodes’ lips traveled further south and his armor clacked as he knelt before you in the dark, pressing kisses to the waistband of your panties before pulling your pants down to your calves. Your breath quivered as anticipation burned through your core. You wanted this without a doubt, you wanted Rhodes indefinitely. There was nothing inside of you that recoiled and felt disgusted with being touched by him. It was the fear of being caught that chilled your veins despite the scorching desire between your legs. It felt sneaky, like a betrayal, but you made no such promises to Kylo—at least not any real ones outside of his bedroom. You ignored the images of him holding you close and pounding you relentlessly while he made you renounce your feelings for Rhodes. 

Rhodes pulled your panties down your thighs, kissing each hip and just above your pubic bone, still taking his sweet time despite your given circumstances. Your hands came down to hold his head, fingers deep in his thick curls as he pressed a chaste kiss on you. A gasp left you as his tongue slicked down your folds and ran up to flick over your clit. He hooked an arm under and around your thigh, spreading your legs as he began to eat you out. Pleasure filled you, wave after wave washing your worries away like sands in a tide. 

It was so different from how Kylo engaged in sex with you. He was forceful, and demanding, not that you ever had a problem with it. In fact, it was what thrilled you so much about sex with him. Deep down, you knew that you craved the submission, being held on whims of pleasure for Kylo and in return being fucked better than you’ve ever known. Rhodes was slow and passionate, as slow as you could be in a dark supply closet on borrowed time. He was always kissing, touching, and pleasing you. You felt guilty to try and compare the pleasant garden rain of passion from Rhodes to the torrential storm of pain-pleasure that was Kylo. 

You felt yourself getting closer to climaxing, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you moaned softly. Rhodes went faster, his fingers teasing as your opening before starting to fuck you with two of his fingers. Before long you came, and pushed Rhodes away as you leaned and panted against the shelf. Rhodes knelt and helped pull up your panties and bottoms, helping you button and tuck everything away in the darkness; it was another thing that was opposite of Kylo. What happened after all the fucking and the passion between the two men could not have been more different. The cracks that chasmed along your heart singed and hissed remembering the way you’d been deliberately kicked out of Kylo’s room. After all that you’d done, all that you had said. You chastised yourself for ruining the orgasm with the thought. Rhodes kissed you softly, his lips wet with your juices and you tasted yourself. 

“It’s getting harder and harder to resist you, you know,” he chuckled against your lips. You scoffed teasingly, coiling your hair back up into a bun. 

“It’s only for one more day, and then you’ll have all of me.” Every part of you wanted your words to be true but it was that tainted evil in your veins that whispered who you would always belong to. Whether you wanted to or not. 

“Remember, we meet tomorrow at dawn in the hangar I took you to. There are a lot of shipments coming in tomorrow so it’ll be busy and we can slip through the defenses on a cargo vessel. I’ll be on the south side, near the mouth of the hangar,” Rhodes kissed you sweetly again, “We’re getting out of here, okay? I promise you this.” Your gut twisted at the promise, as if you knew that there was too much at stake to make promises. There were too many uncontrollable variables in the plan that could cause things to go wrong. Like Kylo. Rhodes places a small comms device in your palm. 

“Keep this on you, and if anything happens, you comm me. It’s already on my station. You ready?” You slipped the comms against your sleeve and against the pulse of your wrist, where a thin band of metal ejected and wrapped itself around it. You could hear Rhodes sink the helmet on and it shortly snapped into place. His armored glove clicked against the doorknob. 

“I love you,” he said quickly, opening the door and letting you slip out first. You barely had time to acknowledge the words before you were in an empty hallway. Speed walking down it, you could hear the door swish open and close again behind you, the clacking of boots on polished floor echoing. The pain in your gut became worse as you allowed yourself the time to process the past hour. 

He loved you? You could hardly believe the words as you heard them. Surely, it was just a product of the situation, adrenaline and passion flowing through him and he couldn’t contain himself. Perhaps he didn’t mean them in the way you’d taken them. You loved Rhodes too, of course, but you couldn’t discern whether it was a familiar love over the years or being truly in love. You’d loved Rhodes nearly as long as you knew him; you risked your life for him. 

Maybe you were in love with him. 

It ate at you for a good part of the walk, and you’d barely noticed the barrage of stormtroopers that were coming down a side hallway you were currently passing. While the workers and troopers of the base had now been alerted of your presence and you were no longer interrogated by them on your walks, you were still wary of large groups of stormtroopers. Were it not for scouts and battle dirtied troopers that jogged through, your curiosity wouldn’t have peaked so quickly. 

Where had they been? Was Kylo back? Turning down the hallway, you walked patiently to keep up a healthy distance to them, and noticed a small change in direction from someone in the front that the troopers didn’t follow. They continued straight on through the hallway and you made it to another side hallway, freezing as you stood in the middle of its opening. 

Your heart stopped dead in its tracks, and the darkness in you was pulled in thrall to the two people leading away from you in the hallway. You were thankful that you hadn’t gasped when you saw Kylo’s impossibly tall frame striding down focusedly. Perhaps he was too busy with the unconscious woman in his arms to focus. You could see her brown hair pulled in buns, her flushed cheeks as her head lolled in his arms. There was no way to follow them without being caught. Unfocused or not, Kylo wasn’t a fool, and you knew something in the Force would allow him to detect you the second you started down the hallway. For once, it seemed you listened to the panicked voice inside of you that told you to turn away and go back to your quarters, even though curiosity purred in your ear about the recent developments. 

Turning around and heading back to your quarters as originally planned, your head swam with even more jarring thoughts than before. For one, your worst fear had been confirmed: Kylo Ren was back on the Starkiller before you and Rhodes could escape. You knew that the two of you had been playing a dangerous gamble, and hoping that all would be right had invoked this unjust punishment from the gods. There was nothing else it could have been, not even coincidence was this cruel to you. 

There was a nagging in you that you hid, denied as jealousy. Is that what Kylo was doing this whole time he was gone? Going around kidnapping women just like he had with you? Were you just another one of his captives to be interrogated, humiliated and used? What was so special about her, anyway? You scoffed to yourself as you walked, perhaps there’s another Sith book and she had gotten mixed up in that business too. Though upon more thought, you realized you couldn’t scout the black marks on her legs or arms as she dangled in Kylo’s grasp. No, being covered with archaic symbols, scarred for life and forced to be some sort of revered sex toy because of it was reserved for you only. Bitter jealousy left a lingering taste in your mouth. What was it about her that warranted such a gentle touch from Kylo? The only time he held you was when he was fucking you into oblivion. There was something oddly tender in how Kylo carried her, and it ate away at you, ravaging the parts of your soul that you’d hoped to keep saved for Rhodes. It seemed that his seldom gentle nature with you had all but been used up, reserved for the next prisoner of war. 

Your head ached as the jealousy was replaced with guilt. How could you forget all that Rhodes was doing to get the two of you out? It felt like every other minute you were bouncing between contempt, desire and jealousy for Kylo and guilt and what you assumed was love for Rhodes. You still weren’t sure if you loved Rhodes. While it was warm and bubbling inside of you, you just couldn’t wrap your head around it. You didn’t deserve love, not from Rhodes, or Kylo or anyone. Was it even possible to love anymore with the cursed power of the Sith running through your veins? You knew of the Sith only what Kylo had told you, but it didn’t seem like Siths were even capable of love. Passions, strong and completely overpowering, you were sure they felt. It wasn’t passion that you lacked. Just your humanity. 

You hadn’t even realized you were standing in front of the door to your quarters. How long had you been here, eyes on the floor as you silently wracked your head for any piece of good sense? A step closer, and the door opened itself, and you’d found you rarely needed your key anymore; you kept it more so to ease your nerves. You were about to step in when the grand doors opened and you heard Kylo bellow your name down the hall. Startled, you whipped around, facing his unmasked scowl as his long and harsh strides stopped before you, a small breeze following in his wake. Everything from the past few hours ran through your head, paranoia and fear striking through you until you forced the panic down in a dry swallow; a second longer and he’d have probably sensed you were plotting escape.

“What were you doing out in the base?” He demanded, fists clenched tightly in their leather holdings, his dark eyes glaring with silent fury. What’s gotten him in such a fuss? He wasn’t like this the last time he’d caught you wandering around. 

“You never said I wasn’t allowed to wander,” you cross your arms defensively and he watched the movement closely, “I learnt my lesson. I don’t go down to the lower levels anymore.” 

“I’d rather you keep busy here. You can call for a droid to bring you whatever you need.”

“Well, I was under the impression that I was no longer a prisoner. If this is, in fact, where I am to live, why not learn it? You know better than anyone I don’t like it here. I’m just trying to make it enjoyable.” It took everything in you not to curse and throw fists at Kylo as he loomed over you. Stupid tall oaf. 

“I felt you earlier. In a hall outside of here. What were you doing on that end of the base?” Kylo’s rage was still a consistent flame, and he took a step closer. You knew it was to intimidate you into submission, but these last few days cavorting with Rhodes in Kylo’s absence had you growing bold. 

“I don’t know, Commander. What were you doing carrying around an unconscious girl around the halls? Do you kidnap women often, or are we both just the exception?” Your heart raced inside of your chest as the words left your mouth, and you saw Kylo’s hand dart out to grab you. Flinching away, his hand only managed to push you into the wall, your shoulder blade slamming into it roughly. In a flash, he was there, hand gripping your throat tight enough for you to gasp for air. Fury burned in his black eyes, pupils wide. He huffed heavily, his hot breaths fanning over your face, the deep growl reminding you of the last time you’d seen him. Pushing the thought away, your hands came up to attempt to pry his tan and scarred fingers from your throat. 

“You know better than to test my patience, little girl. If I had the time, I would punish that mouth and tight wet cunt of yours again,” he snarled, and your legs snapped together just from remembering the sensation of his thick girth pushing through your walls, “It seems I’ve been gone for too long. That will change soon after this. Now let’s go, we have somewhere to be.” His hand left your throat and he turned, stalking back towards the entrance, believing that you would follow. Your hands rubbed at your sore throat, Kylo’s fingertips surely added new bruises beside Rhodes’ marks under your shirt’s collar. You step away from the wall and watch as Kylo nearly made it all the way down before stopping. 

“Don’t make me say it twice,” the deep timbre of his voice bounced off the walls of the corridor and it chilled your blood. 

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” You said defiantly. Kylo turned back towards you, his hands clenched in fists, the telltale of his anger and frustration. 

“You don’t have a choice. We’re to see the Supreme Leader.” 

If your blood had chilled at the mere threat in Kylo’s voice, then it frosted over completely in your veins at the mention of the Supreme Leader. Unease washed over you, twisting your insides and coating the back of your throat with bile. Fear made your heart race, and the beats roared loudly in your ears. This was your worst nightmare; of course, everything that could go wrong would go wrong now. You were supposed to meet Rhodes tomorrow morning, and you’d hoped Kylo would be too occupied for the next couple of hours with his new prisoner so you and Rhodes could escape. 

“Why?” Your voice shook. 

“You’ve shown promise with the Force. He’ll want to see testament of the marks and your abilities. Then, if he approves, I will train you.” Kylo could sense your fear, and you knew it was written all over your face. Perhaps him explaining to you rather than throwing you over his shoulder like a barbarian was another one of his small mercies. Those sparse as ever, it seemed there was some small fraction of adequacy left for you in Kylo. 

“And if he doesn’t?” 

“I’m doubtful that it would occur. Now, come.” His voice became sharp with the order, his temper rising again. You had to think of something. The little voice in your head whispering wisdom that you seldom listened to bade you of the danger in going to see the Supreme Leader. The feelings of luck going wrong you’d felt when you were with Rhodes were back, as if maybe you’d never escape if you didn’t stop this meeting. You had to stall until you could think of something. 

“But I’ve only done it one time! All I did was push you out of my head and unlock a cuff! It’s nothing special at all. Surely not enough to bother him with.” Kylo began taking steps closer as you tried to stall. 

“You agreed to be trained as a Sith in return for your life being spared, and having certain...freedoms,” he paused and gave your conservative black and grey outfit a once over, as if he could see the cursed burns under your skin, “Even so, you bear the Sith marks. The book he sought is written out over your skin.” You backed away, assuring that Kylo would have to make more steps to reach you. He was close enough you could see his nostrils flare in annoyance at your movement. 

“Why today? What’s the rush?” You considered stepping sideways into your room, wondering if the door would shut fast enough to lock Kylo out. Upon realization that he could just use the Force to unlock the door and bust in, you snuffed the idea out. For the first time since your capture, you pleaded with the Sith energy that flowed inside of you. You’d only managed to use the Force on one occasion and not being trained in the slightest left you at a horrid disadvantage.

Kylo’s eyes darkened as he pressed forwards towards you. Without any thought, you slipped into your room before his hand could reach out and touch you, jamming the button that closed the door. A great thunderous thud rattled the door as it closed before Kylo could rush in. You sprinted behind the dresser where you kept your jacket, slipping it on as you heard the whine and crackle of a lightsaber.

In horror, you watched as the metal door grew bright orange as the heat of Kylo’s lightsaber pushed through. It came out of the other side, the acrid order of burning metal made your eyes water and you panicked as the seconds passed and you were still without a plan. There was no other choice but to watch Kylo slash through the door, molten metal dripping onto the floor with a horrid hiss. 

Sparks flew from the keypad you’d locked the door with, and it slowly slid open with an ear aching screech. Before you could get away from the doorway’s path, you felt a great pressure in your neck, every muscle in your body growing tight as you lost the ability to move freely. Kylo stood, panting at the other side of the threshold, strands of his raven hair falling over his eyes and sweating beading over his brow. In one hand, he held his lightsaber, the bright red glow of it reflected over his features, flickering like flames in his eyes. His other hand was held out towards you and you cried out as the pressure on your windpipe grew. As if tied to a string, your boots began to slide against the slick floor, and you tried to twist and fight the invisible hold on you. You willed any sort of strength or power you had to stop Kylo and escape but it seemed as if you were shouting into empty space, no dark whispers in your head sang about insurmountable power while you feared for your life. Anger and frustration flowed through you as you cursed the gods, tears welling as you neared the threshold. 

As if a switch had flicked on, you felt it.

The bubbling rage that you hadn’t allowed yourself to act upon wholly, black inky smoke that curled like fingers around your thoughts, now roaring for you to strike. First, your hands freed themselves and you gripped the hot edges of the doorway as Kylo worked to pull you out. His eyes widened in surprise as you ripped yourself from his grip, and you held a hand out towards him. He snarled as your fingers shook before him, straining against the heavy steely weight of his own power that worked to subdue you. 

Let your anger flow, the voices said. 

Use your rage.

Kill him.

Kylo reached out to grab your hand, planning to use his own brute strength rather than the Force when you snapped your hand back, feeling the pull of your power deep in your gut, and pushing as much as you could muster out as you shot your hand back out towards him. As if flung back by an invisible cord, Kylo flew back into the wall on the opposite side of the hallway, denting the metal and slumping over as his lightsaber crackled before deactivating a few feet away. Your heart stopped as you dropped your hand to your side. 

Did you actually...kill him?

Blood roared in your ears as you watched his unconscious form for a few spare moments, panting from the sheer effort it had taken you to make the blow. Waiting those few moments was agonizing until you saw a shaky breath leave his body, a sigh of relief knocking loose from your lungs. You looked down to your palms, seeing nothing but dirt and sweat and soot covering them and you pulled up your jacket sleeve, to see your marks had begun to dim, their vibrant red glow leaving just as the pressure inside of you loosened. You watched Kylo for a few moments, startling as a small voice called your name. Realizing it was Rhodes’ voice on the communicator he’d given to you, you held it to your ear. 

“What happened?” You whispered fearfully. 

“Change of plans love, we leave now.” You hear the sound of blasters and shouts over his voice, panic rising in you once more.

“What’s happening over there?” You yelled, beginning to run down the hallway, not caring to take a glance towards Kylo’s unmoving body. 

“You’re not gonna believe this,” Rhodes laughs sardonically, “The rebels are here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness it’s been forever since I’ve updated! and would you look at that: two smut scenes in a row! I hope y’all aren’t mad with the Rhodes scene because I wanted to spice up this fic some more :)
> 
> Thank you all for continuing to read my story! :)


	13. All Hell Breaks Loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resistance is attacking the Starkiller base, and your plan to escape is thrown into action. It will take a miracle to escape Kylo Ren and the First Order's clutches but lately, luck has been on your side. Or at least, you thought it was.

“What?!” You shout into the communicator, breaths heaving out of you as you make it to the end of the hallway, checking behind you every second or so as the doors whirred open before you. Kylo’s unconscious body lay crumpled on the floor when you watched the doors close and you swallowed the panic of him waking that held you frozen by the threshold. You stood there for a few moments before hearing Rhodes’ small voice on the communicator. 

“--destroying the base. We have to get out of here before they blow this place sky high.” You held the communicator to you as you ran, chaos that you’d been closed off to in the private quarters now running amok through the halls. Stormtroopers ran in groups past you, not caring to give a second glance as they all marched every which direction. You ran without much regard for your surroundings, letting your feet carry you down the halls as quick as they could when you slammed right into a warm body, the both of you being knocked back several feet. You groaned as you stood back up, holding your nose in your hands as the girl you ran into began to stand as well. Pausing, you realized it was the girl you saw Kylo carrying down the hallway. Her unconscious lolling body flashed in your memory and you held your hands up in peaceful surrender as she bristled under your scrutiny. She began to back away, heading east, but you called out to stop her, her brown eyes wide before you.

“That’s the wrong way to the hangars, east takes you further into the base. I’m escaping too, you can come with me.” You hold your hand out and she narrows her eyes at it suspiciously before looking back up. 

“I’m not escaping,” she pauses, “Not yet. There’s something I have to do here. Good luck.” She turns quickly, sprinting down the halls and you decide to turn in the direction you were heading, distance growing between the two of you. You lift up your communicator to your lips. 

“Are we still meeting at the hangar?” You shouted, hoping that you could still slip off in a ship while the battle raged on. 

“I don’t think so--fuck!” Rhodes cursed and his voice cut off. All you could hear from the communicator was shouts and scuffling. 

“Rhodes!” You called out, the panic you’d managed to pass off to yourself as adrenaline causing a cold sweat to trickle down your back. Seconds passed as pure silence on the other end ensued, troops and officers rushing past you in the fray. Above the metal ceilings, you could hear the whine of spacecraft, the roars of explosions, the cry of the blasters and vibrocannons. 

“Rhodes!” You could feel yourself growing hysterical. This couldn’t be happening now. Not when the both of you were so damn close to being free. There were miles of halls and rooms on this base, and Rhodes could be anywhere. How were you supposed to find one man amongst all this chaos? Your fears crept in as you imagined him bleeding out alone in an empty and dilapidated hallway, the communicator blown as he tried to speak through the blood gurgling out between his lips. Rhodes’ voice broke you out of your horrid thoughts. 

“Sector 5 is completely destroyed,” he rasped, grunting in pain, “we can’t get to the hangar anymore. You’ll have to make it out to the woods on the west side. I managed to call in a favor and there’ll be a ship waiting for us in the wilds.” 

“What happened? Are you okay?” You rushed, changing your course to make it to the west end where the woods cradled the edges of the base. The odor of fire and burning fuel and metal filled your nose as you traversed through black smoke that filled this end of the base.

“I’ll be fine. Nothing I can’t handle. I’ll be in the west end in a few minutes. Wait for me at the tree line. And for gods’ sake, find a blaster.” Rhodes coughed roughly and you winced at the sound. It didn’t sound well. You pulled your shirt over your nose, coughing yourself as the smoke burned the back of your throat. A rush of cold came over you and you gasped. 

A gaping opening had been blown into the hall, dozens of stormtroopers lying unconscious from the blast. The ones closest had been charred and blood oozed from their lifeless bodies. You nearly tripped over a trooper’s leg as you navigated through, and Rhodes’ words echoed in your head as you bent down to take the stormtrooper’s blaster. Peering through the hole, you watched fire and destruction rage on, Resistance fighters and TIE fighters blasting and jetting through the darkened sky above you. 

“Rhodes, why is it so dark outside?” You asked, looking out into the hole to find how far you were from the west side exit of the base. The hole showed you the distant line of the forest that came closer to the base the further down you go, and you knew that you needed as much cover from the fight above you as you could get. 

“It’s the base. They don’t call it Starkiller for nothing.” Rhodes answered, his pants echoing in your ears as your body chilled over. You figured this base was nothing more than a large hub, holding a fearsome name to intimidate the enemies of the First Order. Your carefully slow steps pushed past the tangled bodies and debris, turning into a sprint as the horror and realization hit you. 

“This whole place is a weapon?!” 

“We can talk about it later, where are you?” Rhodes shouted. Frustration buried itself deep in your bones as you ran as fast as you could to the west end exit. You spent weeks here, and never truly knew the purpose of the base. You couldn’t even manage to make it to a level to find out what it was. No one had told you anything, not Kylo nor Rhodes. All Kylo wanted from you was to make you his little toy, with legs spread open whenever he wanted, and Rhodes with this stupid plans and kisses just wanted time to tussle in a closet with you before you escaped. How could Rhodes have skipped such an important detail? In fact, neither of you really ever discussed anything of importance when you were together. He was too busy calling you love, and being some sweet lovesick fool. 

There was a war waging outside of these metal walls. How could he have forgotten? How could you have forgotten? This war was so much bigger than yourself, bigger than Rhodes and bigger than whatever Kylo’s bloodlust had in store for you. For someone who could never seem to claim a side, it seemed as if now there was no choice in the matter. You could no longer afford the luxury of keeping yourself out of it.

You allowed yourself to believe war was nothing more than another way to make a living, spending nearly the last seven to eight years trading any rare, odd, and illegal items you could get your hands on. There were people on both sides of the war that you’d sold to; people on either side, innocent and wicked, young and old that you stole from. There were the countless empty faces that you hoped to brave the lonely nights with before you’d met Rhodes and the ones you screwed on solo missions without him. So many faces that twinged in anger and despair at the end of the barrel of your blaster. You betrayed, fucked and killed whoever you pleased and it didn’t make you a monster because there was always someone worse. Sure, you weren’t a saint but you were not the true evil in the galaxy. But you might as well have been just as bad as the monsters you traded with, as the ones that imprisoned you, if you were going to let them use you as a weapon. Worse, if you escaped with your life and hid for the rest of it. 

Now, amongst the burning flesh and groaning bodies, where the cries of battle rang in your ears and the stench of the dead stirred the bile in your stomach, you knew that something had to be done. Death would continue to follow you until you stopped the tyranny. If you and Rhodes made it out of here alive, you had to stop the First Order. You had to stop Kylo Ren. 

“Where are you dammit?!” Rhodes screamed into the communicator and you realized he’d been screaming your name while you ran. 

“I’m almost there!” You yelled back, willing your legs faster, your muscles aching and screaming in protest. Your lungs threatened to collapse on you, over a month of not keeping yourself in shape and sitting on your ass catching up to you. It didn’t help that perpetual smoke and fire filled the air, catching in your throat and eyes, tears streaming down your cheeks. 

“I’m fifty paces from the base, just at the treeline. You have to get here in less than three minutes. The ship will leave without us if we don’t make it.” Rhodes’ voice died in the cry of a fighter blast, a large explosion erupting several feet down the hallway in front of you. The force of it threw you back and into the wall on your right violently, your head bashing into the unforgivable hard surface. A white flash flickered over your eyes and debris showered on your body. The roar of the explosion caused your ears to ring painfully, all sound around you muffled as if you were being held underwater. Air had been knocked from your lungs and you tasted blood in your mouth. 

Everything in your body hurt, and your vision blurred as you opened your eyes. Flames flickered before you, a steely pipe nearly twice the width of your body had fallen on top of your ribs. Every stuttered breath was more painful than the next, and you were sure one of your ribs, if not more, was broken or fractured. Your blaster was nowhere to be found. The communicator had fallen off your wrist, a few inches from your fingertips and you screamed in agony as you twisted to try and reach it. 

“Fuck!” You cried, fingers scratching at the ground desperately as you struggled for the communicator. The pipe dug into you more, its weight pummeling you further into the floor. 

“No...no...no...this can’t be happening,” you sobbed as more and more time passed with you caught under the pipe. You were roughly twenty paces from the exit point, so close to Rhodes. Time was running away from you like sand between your fingertips, and you were going to die on this forsaken planet. The irony of it made you want to laugh, as you lay in a burning corridor, crushed under metal with no way to tell Rhodes. Just what you’d been fearing minutes ago with him. As you struggled in vain, the painful reality began to hit you, and suddenly, you didn’t feel like laughing anymore. Death was close now, whether it was suffocation under this pipe, or a supernova that tore the very essence of the planet apart, death would find you soon. 

You were just another casualty of war. Another number among the mortality statistics, another forgotten soul. Would Rhodes remember you? Would he do his best to forget you? Did you deserve to even be remembered? After all the war crimes you committed, the people you wronged, after what you’d done with Kylo Ren? Did you deserve to live? 

No. You thought to yourself, eyes closing as tears streamed without ceasing. You deserved to die here, it was payment for your sins. You are not a savior. Resting under the pipe, your breaths slowing, you accepted whatever fate would meet you in the next minutes. The world silenced around you, and despite the searing pain in your body, you calmed. 

You let your mind wander as you waited for the end. If death wasn’t going to come quick, you might as well remember what little you lived for. 

Just as you’d begun to let your mind wander through blurry memories, a deep rumble vibrated underneath you before a loud crack echoed through the entire base. It jolted the ground, the pipe lifting enough in a split second that you scrambled to the side a few inches for your communicator. The pipe slammed back down onto your thigh, and you felt your femur strain under your skin, nearly splintering it two from the force of it coming back down. Screaming into the communicator in pain, you hear Rhodes. He was sobbing your name. 

“Where are you? Are you hurt? Please, say something! A fighter fired onto the exit, were you close? We’re running out of time!” He was frantic, hiccuping and gasping. Your lungs spasmed in pain as you tried to speak.

“Stuck,” you wheezed, “h-help.” 

“Where?!” 

“Fifteen...fif...teen paces...from b-blast. Pipe. Hurry, please.” You cried too, cursing your voice for nearly failing you as you began to find it hard to breathe. Your hands tried to push desperately against the pipe, hoping to pull your leg out from under it but it merely groaned, pain spiking up from your thigh into your spine. Even with barely any air in your lungs, you began to hyperventilate, sobbing and pushing weakly in vain. 

“Can’t...breathe,” you gasped into the communicator, wrapping an arm around yourself to cradle your ribs. It hurt like hell, the pain so much that your hands shook. Something rippled in your chest, and you let out a wet cough into the back of your hand, blood splatters coating it. Fear rang through your body as you touched your lips and found blood on your finger tips when you pulled them away. This couldn’t be good. 

You heard a muffled shout, and realized it was your name, followed by thundering footsteps. Turning your head to the side, you could see Rhodes in full sprint, blood and flesh splattered over his black stormtrooper underclothes, a deep cut at the line of his curls, and red streaks running down his face. He met you in seconds, hands wrapping onto the pipe and lifting it up an inch or two. You scrambled as much as you could, crying out in agony as you did. Rhodes dropped the pipe and made to help you up but you shook your head. 

“Can’t breathe. Ribs broken. Lungs...blood,” you showed him the back of your bloody hand. He cursed, trying to think of how to get you up without hurting you. There was no way you could run in this condition. 

“I have to carry you,” Rhodes started, kneeling down, “It’s going to hurt like a bitch. But we aren’t dying today, you hear me?” His hands cupped your face, and your eyes teared up before nodding. Rhodes was stronger than you were; he was not accepting death easily, it would take him kicking and screaming while you were ready to curl into yourself and let it take you in its cold embrace. Some Rebel you were turning out to be. He turned and you coughed into the crook of your arm, spitting out the blood you hacked up before wrapping your arms around his neck. Just the movement was enough to leave you nearly dazed in pain, and Rhodes gripped your thighs tightly as they wrapped around him. You bit your lip as the injured thigh throbbed in his grip. 

He stood slowly then began jogging, the bounce causing every part of you to jolt and it was killing you. Biting the inside of your cheeks as you held in screams, you tasted fresh blood on your tongue, and couldn’t help but feel relieved as you made it out into the snow, heading towards the tree line. Above you, TIE fighters and Resistance fighters alike were firing and chasing each other through the darkened sky. Just as Rhodes reached the tree line of the forest, you could see a dark structure near the base, explosions breaking out across it, deeper and stronger rumbles shaking the ground and the snow off the trees. Rhodes cursed as he tried to keep up the jogging pace, guiding both of you through the forest floor, your wheezes and Rhodes’ pants filling the quiet of the wilds. The trees were dense enough you could barely hear the battle that raged on, the canopy blocking out whatever little light you’d seen. A nightly darkness filled the forest and Rhodes paused as you both heard a deep roar. 

“TRAITOR!” It echoed raucously through the wilds, and you tense at the voice. It was Kylo’s pained scream. In a panic, you looked around to see where it had come from but Rhodes merely kept going. 

“Where,” you gasped, trying to speak into Rhodes’ ear, “was that?” 

“Doesn’t matter. It’s far enough from us. We have to keep going.” Your skin crawled as his voice echoed in your head, and you shuddered against Rhodes. You thought of the girl you bumped into the hallway, wondering if she’d done anything to Kylo, and if that was why she was staying to search the base. Was she searching for him? What if she needed help? 

“There was...a girl--”

“Try not to talk,” Rhodes interrupted you, “Blood’s filling up your lungs, it’ll only make it harder for you. Just focus on breathing.” You frowned, crying out in pain as Rhodes had to jump over a tree root. Focusing on your breathing was harder than it seemed, as the more you tried, the more it hurt. You coughed again into your arm, blood coating your tongue, lips, and sleeve. 

“We’re twenty paces out, leave the ramp open!” Rhodes shouted into his communicator, and suddenly you could hear the whir of an engine, bright lights shining through the trees like a halo. Wind hit you as the engines roared, men shouting as the both of you entered a clearing. Rhodes picked up the pace and sprinted to the Resistance ship, nearly stumbling as he reached the ramp. The ship began to lift as a thunderous crack began to pull the earth of the planet apart. You watched with blurred vision as a gaping maw opened in the ground and swallowed dirt, trees, and snow alike. It was mere seconds after you and Rhodes made it to the ship, just where you’d been standing, and you shivered, thinking about how close the both of you really were to death.

Two men in Resistance garb helped to peel you off of Rhodes, one holding your shoulders while the other took your feet, Rhodes in the middle keeping you level. You cried out and screamed in pain as they carried you inside, placing you on a cot and beginning to clean up your superficial wounds on your face and head. Rhodes kneeled by your side, gripping your hand. 

“We’ve got to cut her shirt to wrap her chest. Ribs are most likely broken and we have to immobilize it while we’re on the ship. Once she’s at the base it can be taken off and she can have someone more equipped take a look.” Rhodes nodded but you panicked, remembering that Rhodes still had no idea what happened to the book, or that you had burns in the shape of Sith marks under every inch of skin that you’d managed to cover with clothes. You struggled and thrashed as the medic came with shears, Rhodes trying to hold you down. 

“It’s okay! You’re okay, we’re with the Resistance. No one’s going to hurt you.” He cupped your face, but you turned away violently.

“You don’t...understand,” you wheezed, fighting against Rhodes’ grip, “The book...no!” Rhodes shushed you and held your arms down as the medic pulled your shirt, using the shears to cut through the black fabric. You were too weak and delirious from pain to continue fighting against it, crying as they cut your shirt open. Gasps echoed in the cabin of the ship, and Rhodes stared in shock at your marred skin. Perfect black symbols etched over your bruised skin and you cried as Rhodes cradled your head.

“What did he do to you?” Rhodes shook as his eyes watered, tears running down his cheeks and nose. The medic wrapped you up quickly and soundly, covering the marks, and moving to your aching leg. He cut the fabric there too, quiet as he wrapped it up, even though murmurs broke out over the soldiers again. Rhodes hadn’t even bothered to look at the symbols that decorated the side of your leg. You closed your eyes and shook your head. 

“I can’t…” You gasped, coughing more blood out. The medic held out a piece of gauze to your lips as you coughed, and you breathed haggardly as Rhodes stroked your hair. 

“I’m going to kill him for what he’s done to you,” he murmured into your hair. You merely ignored him, opting to let sleep begin to wash over you, all the adrenaline leaving your body in waves. Heavy boots filled the near silence and you could hear the remnants of a conversation. 

“--under arrest, Kahn Rhodes.” 

Even if you could hear Rhodes yell and fight, feel his hands grip you for dear life, his screams as they led him out of the cabin, and a metal cuff on your own wrist against the metal frame of the cot you rested in, there was nothing you could do. 

Sleep was a steel pipe, pushing against the tight wrap on your ribs and thigh; it was soft like Rhodes’ lips kissing your eyelids sweetly, and murmuring sweet nothings in your ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Finally updating, :,) sorry it's been a while! Anywho, this is the last chapter for part one! The next chapters will be compiling of Part two of Embers and Ash. It's not a sequel because this fic is nowhere near ending, but it's just how I separate the movies. This fic follows the plots (or at least tries to loosely) of the sequel movies! chapter 14 will be the start of part two! Sorry to leave you on another cliffhanger :))))  
> thanks so much for reading!! I appreciate all of the comments and kudos!


	14. Left in Shambles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You narrowly avoid death by escaping with the Resistance after the destruction of the Starkiller base, wondering if whether Kylo survived, but with the First Order following hot on the Resistance's trail, it's evident of his escape. Despite your injuries, you're arrested by the Resistance and you hope to work out a deal in order to secure your freedom.

Finding sleep while in the medbay of the Resistance’s ship was hard enough due to the moans and cries of the wounded, let alone trying to sleep with two broken ribs and a fractured femur. The nurses that came by a few hours ago had woken you up quite unceremoniously to tell you that your pain medication would be needed for more dire cases. You spent the next hour in pain as the medicine wore itself off, staring at the steel cuff that kept you seated in your cot to try and distract you from it. It gave you time to relive the past several hours, where you’d been on the brink of death more than twice, and you’d betrayed Kylo Ren. 

You heard whispers about First Order ships attempting to follow the rest of the Resistance vessels, but hyperspeed had allowed all of you to escape once Starkiller imploded. Even if the base was destroyed, you knew deep down Kylo was still alive. His roar in the wilds of the base still chilled you when it echoed through your mind. Would he hunt you down, and call you a traitor too? Would he tell the Resistance what you’d done with him to sabotage you? You tensed at the thought; you had to remind yourself it was just sex--just...self preservation. If fucking the Commander of the First Order kept you alive, then that’s what you did to survive. No one had to know. It’s not as if there are any mind reading Jedis in the Resistance anyways. 

The doors to the medbay slid open rapidly, causing you to jolt, and a spear of pain to dart between your ribs. You hissed, and wrapped a free arm around your ribcage, gasping. Three people stood at the edge of your cot and you gave yourself a second to let the pain pass before looking up at them. 

“Captain,” a tall lithe woman with lavender hair stood in the middle, speaking your full name to address you. Beside her stood a shorter and older woman, her dark grey hair braided in a coronet on her head, and a tall, bulking, and blond Resistance soldier, his hand resting above the blaster on his hip. 

“That’s me,” you winced lamely, breathing through clenched teeth as they all regarded you. A wave of discomfort hit you, as you remembered that the shirt they’d given you, didn’t help to cover the Sith marks that decorated your arms. You shifted up the wall you sat against, resting your head on it to look up at the group. 

“I am Vice Admiral Holdo, this is our General, Leia Organa, and Brandus Toren.” You nodded to the other two, pausing over Brandus Toren. He looked familiar but you couldn’t place where you knew him from. You hoped it wasn’t from your previous life as a trader. You’d made too many enemies on either side. You left his rather indifferent gaze and looked back to Admiral Holdo. 

“Admiral Holdo,” you echoed back, “Someone told me a few hours ago that you’d be coming. I suppose it’s about this,” you wiggle the cuffed wrist, the metal chain jangling as you moved. She looked over at it and nodded to Toren, who came around, pulling a key out and unlocking the cuff. You pulled your wrist toward you, rubbing at the small ache, before murmuring a soft ‘thank you’ to him. 

“We have your lieutenant, Kahn Rhodes in our custody. He’s refusing to answer any of our questions and has been uncooperative in our efforts to peacefully interrogate.” Holdo said sternly. You returned the hard look. 

“I don’t even know why he’s been arrested. He saved my life. He’s a good man, Admiral Holdo,” you hear a scoff from Toren and pause, but ignore it. The admiral opens her mouth to retort but General Organa stops her, holding up a hand to silence her.

“He’s committed countless war crimes, Captain.” You laugh sardonically. 

“Who hasn’t at this point? We’ve all done things in this war we aren’t proud of. We’re traders, it’s just collateral. I’m sure you have your own skeletons in the closet, General. I’m sure any of your fighters and comrades do,” you look to both Toren, and Admiral Holdo, spitting out the last part with as much venom as you could muster. 

“Don’t forget you’ve been arrested too,” Admiral Holdo adds, “For all we know, you’ve been dealing Resistance goods and secrets to the First Order.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes at her. 

“Then why uncuff me? Obviously I’m a threat to you.”

“Broken ribs and a fractured femur don’t bode well for fighting if you plan to try and escape.” Toren remarks. You glare at him, anger beginning to bubble inside of you when General Organa interrupts. 

“Please, we didn’t come here to antagonize you. We’re hoping you can answer a few questions for us. We need your help.” 

“You have a funny way of showing it,” you mutter. Holdo lets out an exasperated sigh, crossing her arms and you look towards the general, her dark brown eyes searching your own before she speaks.

“We’re trying to learn as much information as we can about the First Order. We need to find some sort of upper hand if we can hope to end their tyranny.” 

“I want to help,” you say softly, looking down as the guilt you’d felt back on Starkiller washed over you again. You wanted to be a part of the Resistance, it was the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to cancel out what you’d done with Kylo Ren, and your jaded past trading with Rhodes. “Is there any way a deal can be made?” 

“We can drop the charges against you, they’ll be forgiven if you can give us any information.”

“But what about Rhodes? I’ll tell you all I know, but I want the charges against both of us dropped. And I’ll need a ship,” you add on. 

“Absolutely not,” Holdo interrupts, “That man has committed crimes that are unforgivable to the Resistance. He must be held accountable for it.” You look towards the general and she sighs. 

“He has to,” she says firmly, “We can arrange the ship for you, even if they are spare as it is, we just need you to tell us everything you know.” You see the stress etched in the lines of age over her face. 

“I don’t really need a ship,” you say, “I just need to get my own back. I have no idea where it is. I’m sure Rhodes would know.” 

“He cannot leave our custody.”

“What did he do? What, over all that the both of us have done, was bad enough to warrant him a cell? Why am I free and not him?” Worry bled into your mind as you realized a lot must have happened in the month you were gone. It’s a lot of time for Rhodes to be on his own, trying to find you. What did you get yourself into, Rhodes, you thought to yourself. 

Holdo is quiet for once, before looking at General Organa. The general nods and Holdo pulls out a service pad, turning it on, and handing it to you. On the lit screen, you see Rhodes face, bruised and bloody in a mugshot of sorts, along with a list of his crimes. Both before and after your capture. 

“What…” You scan through the list as horror hits you.

“He’s spent the last month selling Resistance plans to the First Order,” Holdo said softly, as if she was reading each bullet point out to you, “He picked up bounty hunting, and captured several officers by faking distress calls on the Outer Rim so they could be surrendered to the First Order. A lieutenant was killed after answering his call, he refused to give Rhodes the locations for the remainder of our bases, and his ship was found at an auction to be sold on Canto Bight.” General Organa stopped her, and she knelt in front of you. Tears blurred your vision as they fell in streams down your cheeks, your hiccups painful as they wracked your ribcage. You lifted a hand to your mouth to cover your sobs as you dropped the pad beside you. 

This was what Rhodes had been doing in order to gain enough trust with the First Order to find you? How could he have done this? You began to sink into despair, air leaving your lungs as if you were indeed falling underneath a bottomless sea of it, unable to collect your thoughts and pull yourself together. 

“You can’t hold yourself responsible for something he did with his own free will,” the general whispered your name as she spoke softly to you. Her warm hands wrapped around your wrists to pull them from your face. Your eyes met her own, her brown irises brimmed with tears as well. 

“Help us. Don’t let their lives be sacrificed in vain. Join the Resistance, Captain. Fight for those who no longer can. Fight for democracy, for the innocent, for the future of the galaxy. Fight for what’s right, and just but most importantly, for yourself.” You looked up at Admiral Holdo, who turned away as her eyes glistened with mourning, to Toren, whose stoic facade nearly crumbled at the general’s pleas. The Resistance was holding on by a thread. You had to help. When this war ended, if it ever did, you would deal with your own sins. You would take responsibility for them. But for now, you would die doing what’s right, if that’s what it took. 

“I’ll answer whatever questions I can to the best of my ability,” you promise. 

“We need an interrogation as soon as you’re up for it,” Holdo says, clasping her hands together. You nod. 

“Is it too much to ask to see Rhodes before we head there? I just need to see him. Please,” you plead to both Admiral Holdo and General Organa. They share a look before both nodding to you. 

“Toren will step in if anything happens.” General Organa says before standing. Toren leaves to ask a nurse for a wheelchair, and you wait in silence with both the general and the admiral. After a few minutes of odd silence, Toren returns with the wheelchair, and pulls a pile of folded fabric from the seat. 

“It’s a longer shirt, and a jacket,” he says, “If you wanted something more to...cover up.” He gives a glance to the marks along your arms and you take them gratefully. They wait for you to slip on the long sleeved shirt over your simple covering, and you keep the jacket folded over the seat of the chair. 

“Alright, I’m ready.” Toren moves the wheelchair beside your cot, and helps you slide into the seat. You wince as the movement causes a sharp pain to travel through your ribs. Sucking in a breath, you wait a few moments with your eyes closed for the pain to subside slightly. Without opening them, you nod for them to start your walk to the cells. You open your eyes minutes later, and wait for your heart to stop racing as Toren pushes you through the halls of the ship, people and droids running to and fro past you. Admiral Holdo and General Organa had left to put together a panel of officials for your questioning while you went to see Rhodes. 

“We’re here,” Toren clears his throat, “Do you want to walk in by yourself?” You stare at the metal door leading to Rhodes’ cell and nod, beginning to lift yourself up. You wince and gasp as pain hits you, but you know you don’t want Rhodes to see you like this. Toren pulls something from off the back of the chair, and it elongates into a crutch-like staff. Taking your hand to help you out of the wheelchair, he pushes the crutch under your arm. 

“The nurse said to favor your right side. The broken ribs are on the left.” You say a soft ‘thank you’ again to Toren, but stop him before he opens the door. 

“Toren,” you don’t look at him as you call his name, “You were the medic on that ship. Back on Starkiller. You saved me--saved us. Why?” 

“You were right about what you said back there,” he tenses beside you, shuffling uncomfortably, “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of in order to gain some sort of stance in this war. When there was a distress call from Kahn, my captain was ready to leave the both of you stranded on Starkiller. Lieutenant Roarke was my friend, I’d known him for years before Kahn killed him. I wanted Kahn dead just as much as the rest of them. But he was begging us to get you off Starkiller. He promised to turn himself in if we could get the both of you out. I convinced our captain to do it.”

“But that doesn’t really explain why.” 

“People can surprise you. Don’t let me regret this.” He collapsed the chair and stood at the wall, next to the threshold, and held the handle of the door. You looked up at him for a moment, studying his face. His blond hair was still stained with streaks of blood, as if he’d used bloodied hands to push back the locks from his face as he operated on the wounded, smudges still on his cheeks, pale puckered scars on his jaw and neck. He towered over you, and was at least twice the width, but it wasn’t intimidating. You were still wondering how someone like him ended up as a medic fighting for freedom when he opened the door, one small light flickering above Rhodes.

Rhodes sat chained to a table, his head having fallen forward and facing his wrists resting before him. He made no move to regard you at the door, and you watched his tense shoulders rise and fall with each breath. His dark curls were grimy and messy, the longest falling into his eyes. His black shirt was ripped and dried blood still decorated his hands and darkened face. He looked like a completely different person compared to the one stroking your cheek hours ago. Worlds different from the man you’d spent nearly the past ten years with. 

“Rhodes,” you call out softly, your voice carrying through the room. Rhodes’ head snaps up quickly, a small bandage over the cut on his head. You shuffle closer, using the crutch Toren gave you to make it to Rhodes’ table. Upon closer inspection, you could see his hazel eyes shining with tears as you reached him. Resting the crutch against the table, you sat in a metal chair across from him, wincing as you did. His chains rattled on the top of the table as he reached across it to take your hands in his. They’re rough and callused, blood flaking off his nails and you study them for a moment before looking back up at him, hoping you can hide the disgust and horror that twisted in your stomach. 

“I was so worried about you,” he starts, his voice rasping as if he’d been screaming for hours, “They moved you to the medbay once we boarded here. I got moved to a cell shortly after. They wouldn’t let me see you, either.” His thumb rubs over the top of your knuckles. “Are you doing alright?”

“Yes,” you say softly, and nod. Rhodes smiles, relief washing over his tense features. His thumb flicks over the hem of your shirt, pushing the sleeve up with it slightly as if to see the marks you hid underneath the fabric. You nearly flinch at the touch, itching to pull your hand from his grip.

“Don’t,” you protest, flexing your fingers in his hold. Rhodes frowns.

“How did it happen? What did he do to you?” Rhodes asks. You sigh softly and meet his eyes, feeling lost and small as you fought to find the words to explain. 

“Kylo didn’t do this,” you started, “I took something off of Sarassia. Something I shouldn’t have.” 

“What? There was nothing there for you to even take. What did you find there?” Your cheeks burned with the shame of your own greed, and you took a shaky breath in, both from the nerves and the pain in your ribs. 

“Daiman, our guide, he… he showed me something in that throne room. It was a book. I meant to tell you about it but the blockade--”

“What book?” Rhodes interrupts. You pause.

“A book with symbols. Sith symbols.”

“Sith symbols? Like, the whole Jedi mind reading magic stuff?” Rhodes’ brow furrowed. 

“Not exactly,” you let out a sigh, “Sith are different from the Jedi, they have different beliefs, they follow different guidelines.”

“Well, then what does that have to do with the book? Why do you have those brands?” Rhodes eyed your sleeves and you took your hands from his, keeping them in your lap as you spoke. He blinked once and looked at your lap, hurt etched over his features from the small rejection.

“When we were trapped from the blockade and I took the escape pod, it burned me. It heated itself and burned through my jacket, through my shirt. It melded into my skin and the marks started to burn themselves all over me. I don’t know how or why, I can’t really explain it.”

“Shit,” Rhodes cursed, “Vi told me she heard screaming through the comms before they failed. It was you, wasn’t it?” You nodded in response. “Did that prick Ren know about the marks?” 

“Yes, it’s how I knew what the book even was. Daiman never mentioned anything other than that it was valuable enough to be a turning tide in the war. Anyone would pay any price for it. I took it so that we could have enough money to settle. But, then I got captured and Kylo--”

“You’re on a first name basis with him?” Rhodes asked incredulously. 

“It’s his name,” you interject defensively, “I’m not going to call him ‘the commander’. You’re focusing on the wrong thing here, Rhodes. Kylo told me about what the book was. He taught me their history. He told me what I could do with...with this curse.” Rhodes’ eyes narrowed as he glared at you. 

“And just what can you do?”

“I can,” you pause, and take a swift look around the room, eyeing the cameras in the corner, and lean in close to Rhodes, who mirrors your movement, “I can use the Force.” You whisper. Rhodes’ eyes widen and he lets out a loud laugh, quieting when you shush him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. But that’s great!” His chains rattle as he drums on the table excitedly. 

“Great? How is that great?” You whisper forcefully. “It’s a curse!”

“You can use that Jedi hoodoo magic and bust us out of here. We can steal a ship and be on our way. If you can come back, we’ll make a plan. If not, I’ll wait on you,” he smirks at you, grabbing your shoulder and squeezing it. 

“It’s not ‘hoodoo magic’, Rhodes! It’s not even natural for me to be Force sensitive. And I’m not using it to escape.” Rhodes’ face fell in confusion. “I’m not escaping, period.” 

“What do you mean you’re not escaping? We’re not Rebels, we don’t fight with the Resistance. We don’t belong here.” 

“You don’t, but I do, Rhodes. I’m not using those cursed powers to hurt people. Besides, I can’t even use them unless I’m in some sort of raging frenzy. I can’t just turn it on and off.” 

“That’s even better, isn’t it? Rage is power, use it. Whatever stupid gods you favor have obviously given you a gift.” You can feel whatever faith you had in Rhodes leaving you; he sounded like Kylo--like a Sith fanatic. “You don’t belong here,” he continues, “We’re just pawns for either side of the war. Whoever can squeeze the most information and get ahead will use us and discard us when we’re done. I’m not going to be a slave to this war. We don’t choose sides, remember? We’ve got no part in this.” Despite your efforts to remain calm, anger began to bubble inside of you, your disgust now clear on your face as you regarded Rhodes. It was as if you were talking to some stranger. This wasn’t the Rhodes you knew. 

“Really? ‘No part in this’? We’ve been a part of this since I can remember. It’s all we do! Rhodes, we’re not faultless in this,” you stand from your seat, gritting your teeth to keep you from wincing at the sudden movement, “We have to right this war, and die trying if we must. It’s what’s right. I’m not letting death follow me any longer. I’d rather die than run again as I always have.” 

“So you’re taking their side then? You don’t even know these people,” Rhodes snarled, banging his fists onto the table raucously, “They’ll sell you out in half a second. I can’t believe after all we’ve been through, after all I’ve done to save you from fucking ‘Kylo’, that you would betray me like this.” Even if your body was screaming in pain, you lurched forward and slapped Rhodes across the face. His head wrenched to the side as you backed away, taking the crutch with you.

“All that you’ve done? You’re a murderer. You killed innocent people. You sold people out to be tortured and murdered by the First Order. You’re just as bad, maybe even worse than Kylo. He didn’t pretend to be a savior. He doesn’t deny it when called a monster.” Rhodes’ lip curled over his teeth, blood splattering over his white canines and he spit it out to the side of him.

“So what? I would do anything for you. You would have done the same for me. I know you, I know you would. You’re just as much a killer as I am.” 

“No,” you shake your head and continue to back away, “I told you to wait. I told you I’d find my way back to you. I killed before but I will lay with my sins when my time comes. Until then, I will do whatever I can to repay those lives.” 

“That’s pointless bullshit. Nothing you do will clean the blood you’ve spilled,” Rhodes growls. 

“How did you even get to me?” You ask, fists clenched as you ignore Rhodes’ statement. “Where is my ship? Where is my droid?” Rhodes sits back in his chair, the muscles in his jaw flickering under his skin as he clenches it. 

“Answer me!” Your voice grows hysterical as panic settles into your heart. What could he have possibly done with them?

“The Firebyrd is on Kijimi. Indefinitely,” Rhodes rasps, working his jaw, “I had to pay the dockworker to keep her there while I...found work to help find you.” He pauses again. 

“And my droid?” You urge. 

“The payment for the dockworker.”

“You sold Vi?!” You closed your fists so hard that they began to sting as your nails dug into the flesh of your palms. 

“She got bought off from him by some rogue. Vi is just a droid, a small price to pay to find you. I told you, I would do anything to get you back.” 

“She wasn’t yours to sell,” you choke out, tears welling in your eyes as they fell down your cheeks, “I’ve had her since I was born. Vi and the Firebyrd are the only thing I have left of my parents. You had no right!” You gripped your crutch for dear life, the only thing keeping you standing as hysterical sobs wracked your aching body. 

“I can get them back, I promise. Just get us out of here.” 

“No,” you shake your head, “I’m getting them back on my own. I’m letting you rot here with the Resistance. And I’m going to fight for them. You can forget everything that happened on Starkiller, forget all that we’ve been through. You’re dead to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! This is the start of Part Two of Embers and Ash! It will follow the Last Jedi (or at least try to lol). I hope you all are enjoying my story! Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading my first chapter of Embers and Ash! It's my first Star Wars fanfic so bear with me! I plan on posting new chapters every week on Friday evenings! Hope you all enjoy! :)


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